Fork in the Road

Indecision.  I have been experiencing a little bit of that in the past week or so.  I am just trying to grind through.  Lately too, when I run and do a workout there is a heaviness at times.  Still I grind through.  I am thinking of the things I want to set into motion.  I am looking at my motives for exploring these paths.   The reasoning has to have an honesty to it.  There can be no ego attached to these undertakings.  In other words, what I want to set in motion is not self-serving.  At the same time, through every experience we encounter it should and will affect us in some way, yes?  So from these undertakings I have been looking at what I hope to garner from them is wisdom and a kinder, gentler and more expansive sense of self.

The other issue I have been pondering is what if these events bottom out before they get started?  What if the vision that I see for their potential doesn’t occur?  How would I treat this?  Again, I have to make sure ego is out of the equation.  Perhaps I should just treat this as an opportunity to grow and expand my humanness regardless of the outcome.  Only so much of this can be controlled on my end.  The response to my plans is the wild card so to speak.

At the end of the day, I simply have to just put it out there.  Have everything organized to the best of my ability so that should it come to fruition and blossom into the event I see I will be prepared.  I will have at least made a genuine attempt.  Then again, if it doesn’t work the first time round, there may be lessons learned that will give rise to further opportunities to expand on the idea.

I was running on Saturday morning with my daughter and feeling the fatigue more than usual.  I smiled at this though because not every run is one that is absolutely fabulous.  Sometimes I really have to work at it.  At the end of the run though the feeling of accomplishment is  appreciated that much more.  This concept really does mirror life to a certain degree.  Not everything is easy, not everything flows with a natural rhythm.  I usually have had to work hard at something so I don’t take things for granted.  I don’t make assumptions.

On those mornings when the body slips into a run with such ease and the energy is light and I feel like I could run forever, then I can love even more the times that I struggled because I get to experience moments like this that are just so stellar.

There are so many metaphors to describe a life but there is only one person living it.  I want to live my to its fullest potential and the funny thing is I don’t really know at this point what that means precisely or what it looks like. But when I leave this world I hope I will have the answer to that.  Right now I am looking to serve the greater good.  By that I mean that I hope my actions will contribute to improving the human condition in some way, large or small.   For every path that opens there are several offshoots on the direction you can take at any given time.  Yours to explore.  Yours to develop.

Happy Summer Everyone!


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