It is the Thanksgiving long weekend here in Canada. Our reward is an extra day off of work to hopefully reflect and gather with loved ones to celebrate all that it good in our world. This year my daughter is hosting her first dinner. I am really looking forward to it.
I have mentioned a time or two over the past month that my mindset has been in a very curious state. I think part of this is knowing I need to start making changes and then just moving forward with them. In theory it sounds simple enough. The changes I need to make will alter my life path, so perhaps that is why I am being hesitant.
Yesterday my daughter and I went to an old haunt known as Olympia Pizza down on Denman Street. I have been going there periodically since I was 19 years old. I think I took my daughter there for the first time when she was 5 or 6 years old. They have always had really good food that is very reasonably priced and one of the servers has been there probably 20 years and well, the place is timeless, as she just has not aged. She knows us and always there is that sweet smile and the ‘Hey, good to see you”. When I still lived right in Vancouver proper, we would go down there every few months. Now it’s usually once or twice a year.
I like these places that have withstood the test of time. There is a comfort to them, a re-assurance in the ‘old familiar.’
Perhaps one of the reasons I suggested we go down there yesterday was because of this transition that I am going through. The need to find something that remains a constant, even if it is just a restaurant. Still, there is a history of sorts for me here. From the 19-year-old girl who was so very uncomfortable in her own skin to woman now in her 54th year finally learning to feel a certain comfort in that skin.
I have passed approximately 19,625 days on this planet give or take a few with the leap years not calculated at this time. It sounds like a really long time, doesn’t it? It is, in fact, just a cosmic nanosecond. But its my nanosecond and I want it to matter. I want it to vibrate out across space, across time. I want it to be a positive thing, a heartfelt thing, a beautiful thing.
I watch all the people moving through the streets. Some smiling, some lost in thought, some in a hurry, some sad, some young, some old. And I wonder how I become this person I want to be? I wonder why I find the difficulties that I do with this and wonder why for others life comes so naturally.
Everything I need stands before me. Mine for the taking, yes? And maybe this is the tripping point for me. Is what I see ahead for me, or do I need to look to another direction? I will have to make the choice soon and move through the looking-glass.
So I say this to myself now as I head off into the sunset.
“Move forward, little one. The Old Familiar comforts and reminds you how far you’ve come, and shows you the journey that awaits.”
It is with this in mind that I will enter a new uncharted territory that is opening. And I must trust the choices I do make. There is no going back nor would I want to. There will be no more excuses. There are things I want to achieve during my nanosecond. I can blame the past for holding me back but for how long? No. I need to let the past go and leave it where it belongs.
And so I will begin this journey now in earnest. Let today begin.