Emotion and Bullshit

face pain 1I’m sore and aching.

This is becoming common place now and it totally sucks but I’ve got to push through this.

Hell, if I could work through the ails of chemotherapy and radiation then I can work through the pains of a soft tissue injury a result of the car accident.

I’m feeling a great deal of stress.  I was offered just $5,000.00 for my car.  Yet a part of me feels I should get more.


The plan had been to trade it in on a new vehicle in a year or two.  That is the approximate value I would have expected.  Still, that was down the road and in another universe.

Headaches have been occurring daily, sometimes a few times a day.  I don’t get headaches typically and these are making me feel akin to a space cadet.  At work I’ve made herculean efforts to maintain my focus and it has literally been exhausting.

There is no choice in this.

Some will say I should stay at home…rest up.  And do what?

sad mouse 1

I’ve been blessed or cursed, I’m not too sure which, with a brain that just doesn’t stop.  I look for and try to still and quiet this mind of mine but it isn’t easy.

Even in meditation it’s hard to keep the mind still.

And this job is too important.  I’m committed.

I will be attempting to launch the book this weekend.

And yes, I’ve worked really fucking hard for this.

I have to put my training and running back on hold…again.

This is a major piss off.  A few short weeks ago I joined my running group again and was so bloody emotional that I found myself in tears.  I was so happy to be back, to be re-building.

Now I have to suck it up and push through again.

pain 1

It could be worse though and I know that.  Hearing that my vehicle sustained $7,000 to $9,000 in damages was a total shock.  That little of car of mine served me well right up to the bitter end.

I’m pissed off that liability hasn’t yet been ‘officially’ determined.

I’ve pondered the question a few times of hiring a lawyer but that would be a whole other animal.

The thing is I don’t want this to consume my life.  I just want to be well again and carry on.

I simply want to be treated fairly.

I’ve conceded that $6,000 is a fair price for the car. I was pushing for $7,000 but in truth this is not a realistic.

Yes, I feel indignant and I feel shit on in this situation.

I hurt.

body pain

Corporations have that impersonal thing about them that make my skin crawl.

You become a number, a statistic.  Nothing more and I resent that.

And because I didn’t get ‘upgrades’ my car is somehow worth less?

Am I paying for good looks or quality?

Do I need a surround sound system in my car, a TV, a GPS, or any number of the other technological wonders that come with our cars these days?

No.  I need and want a reliable, safe and dependable vehicle and that is what I had.

I didn’t need the bells and whistles. I find them distracting.

And yet I feel I’m being punished for my choice in wanting simplicity.

heads up

And I want to know how having a car that will warm my ass up at a moments notice is an ‘upgrade’.

Perhaps if I lived in a climate that was prone to extremely cold conditions then I could see this as a sought after feature in a car.

The other night I pushed the button inadvertently and well, the warming of the seat induced a hot flash.

Some of the upgrades that are being offered up are of concern.

Cars can now ‘see’ so if your are drifting off into another lane it will advise you.  Cars can park themselves.

So tell me, do these features make a better driver or a co-dependent driver?

Know if you are drifting into another lane because you’re exhausted…coming out of that state can be a little disorientating.


A collision happens in a nanosecond.

In truth, if you are exhausted you should pull over and have a nap.

I’ve always gone with a base model.  I like to drive and I’m good at it.  Air conditioning is not something I need either and I fact it makes the engine work that much harder.  Perhaps if I lived in Las Vegas, A/C would be warranted but up here?

I roll the window down and enjoy the breeze.

The idea is to take care of your vehicle and I did that.

Not once did my car not start the first time.  Nor did I experience one mechanical problem with the engine.

Oh, the brakes were replaced, oil changes and tune-ups were done.

bs 1

Toyotas’ are known for their longevity.  At 169,025 km my little car had a lot of life left in it.

I will miss that little green munchkin and will go on record to state that it is the best vehicle I’ve ever owned.

But I have to take the emotion out of what I’m working through regarding the vehicle. I have to be far more factual.

And I will be.



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