Fifty-seven years. Sounds like such a long time doesn’t it?
There are times when it feels twice as long and them seems to have gone by far too fast.
I’ve almost passed another year.
Age really doesn’t bother me so much anymore. It’s keeping this physical body of mine in good repair and remaining healthy and fit. These are the factors that will determine how I fare in the next stage of my life.
So many things I still want to do, want to experience, want to see, touch, feel…
For now I have but today and I will try to live it fully.
For some it may mean that their life needs to be filled with activities and an abundance of wild and crazy stuff.
Tonight I stepped to grab dinner. I gazed up into the night sky with a sliver of the new moon and a stars dotting the black expanse.
In that moment I was breathless! Oddly tears stung my eyes as I once again realized I am part of this!
There is an energy that runs through this world and beyond…from our ancient ancestors to those who inhabit other worlds and this energy permeates every molecule of my being.
Tonight as I walked through the streets of New Westminster, the aches and pains that have resulted from the recent car crash reminded me to take my time.
I smiled. I’m still alive and kicking, albeit painfully. But I will recover and rebuild and I will run again.
Shit happens, you know?
Sometimes it feels like you received more than your fair share. But hell, if anything this only makes me appreciate what I have that much more. If I can live each day in this splendor then indeed I’m living my life fully.
I met with friends earlier today. It was an impromptu get together that I tossed out to celebrate the release of the book and my birthday.
Cheryl spoke about Mother’s Day last year…THE BEST EVER!
We were laying on the deck of the Star Princess sunbathing enroute to San Francisco watching ‘Dirty Dancing”.
Then we hit Napa Valley and got delightfully drunk!
It was ridiculously fun and you know, that’s what it’s all about. Just being in the moment and enjoying those around you.
Beauty is truly an energy. It is so far beyond the physical world.
So why do we try to define it? Try to contain it? And try to dictate what it should be?
My brother Stephen was mentally handicapped. He was a forceps baby and suffered brain damage at birth as a result.
He was institutionalized at an early age here in New Westminster. Thankfully the institution is now gone.
For the last few years of his life though he lived in a facility that provided exemplary care.
My daughter and I went out to see him often.
Stephen was targeted and picked on relentlessly in his youth because of his condition. Yet I can tell you he had such a beautiful soul.
Stephen was often given ‘trial’ medications that affected his moods and behavior. And I hurt for him so much in those moments.
My brother just had such a love of everything and music was right up there. He loved animals, he loved his sisters and his niece.
He would sing Frank Sinatra and Joe Cocker, though you likely wouldn’t understand the words, but they were there in his beautiful interpretation. And if I close my eyes I can see him rocking back and forth singing with an expression of absolute ecstasy on his face.
For his 48th birthday we rounded up a bunch his mates and took them all to Boston Pizza. There was a great deal of planning as many of the guests like my brother had special needs.
The smile on Stephen’s face that day, well my God, it was just brilliant. There was such a purity to the joy he expressed. I remember looking around at everyone that day and saw beauty in its truest form.
Many of those in attendance had lived in conditions that were at times appalling. They had been treated horrifically at times by an unforgiving society that had cast them out. And yet despite all of this they found it so easy to love and express joy.
That was Stephen’s last birthday. He passed away about nine months later. I was with him as he lay breathing shallow fast breathes. I kissed his forehead and told him it was okay. He could let go.
My brother is an angel that I’ve been so blessed with . He taught me so much about humanity, about joy, about forgiveness, about peace.
Did he ever look in the mirror and feel less than?
Did he condemn himself for not measuring up to society’s expectations?
Not a chance!
And here I am now…at the start of another year.
I’m embarking on a new world in terms of the publication and what will be revealed.
This is a virginal moment for me. There is a purity to it, a newness.
But then in this rediscovery of life that I’ve been blessed with…despite the heart thing and the cancer thing…
I’m coming to understand what it means to just be.
If I can pass this along in any context I will.
Thanks for stopping by and many blessings to you.