An Awakening

New West Quay May 2015 056

In the last few months I’ve truly begun to emerge and transform from the effects of cancer.  It’s not just the physicality aspect to it.  One of the biggest challenges has been dealing with the emotional fall out of treatment.

For a time I felt helpless with virtually no choice but to allow them to administer treatment after surgery when I may well have been cancer free.   Fear is something I know all too well and that was a huge factor as to why I went ahead with chemo and radiation.

And the cancer agency certainly propagated the fear.


Depression hit as treatment ended and then came the anger.

I am convinced that there are treatments out there that are not harmful to the body or create the risk involved with conventional treatment such as chemotherapy and radiation.

Then I watched a clip from an HBO documentary titled VICE: Killing Cancer.

This angered me so much.

They are now injecting viruses such as HIV into Cancer patients.   I saw images of people in HAZMAT outfits ‘neutering’ the virus so it won’t ‘grow’ in the patient.


vice 1Isn’t it bad enough that they inject patients with poison (aka chemo)?

Recently I’ve come upon a technology that I am going to check out.  It’s called PEMF.  This is an energy mat and its available through SWISS-BIONIC.  I am really excited about it and will definitely share my experiences with you.

A woman that I met at the seminar for the energy mat had received her mat a week prior.  She has breast cancer.

Like me she has questioned the conventional treatment we were prescribed.  She sent me a link to a series called THE TRUTH ABOUT CANCER:  A Global Quest.

I’ve watched Episodes 1 & 2 and then 7.

There are nine episodes.  This is the Facebook link.

Having gone through the treatment it has given me a different outlook on all of this.  If I can assist in opening up dialogue about conventional treatment and the big pharmaceuticals’ and their agenda, then this will be a good thing.


I asked myself the question many times during treatment.  “If there was an inexpensive treatment for cancer, would they tell us?”

Silently I knew the answer would be ‘No.’  Being sick is a big business globally, particularly in North America.

And the telling part of all of this is that the doctors’ were not interested in some of the tell tale symptoms that came to my mind upon diagnosis.  I stated that just prior to entering menopause I had a two month cycle.  I was bleeding very heavy during this time.  They dismissed it immediately and told me this was irrelevant.  Uterine cancer is a result of an increase in the female hormone Estrogen.

At no time was I ever enlightened as to what some of the signs may have been.  I was simply told it was different for every women.   The other thing that was never discussed was my diet.

Nutrition is huge!


What we eat definitely impacts our exposure to cancer.  What else that has changed dramatically in the last 30 years or so is what’s in our food.

The dramatic change has been technology.  It has exploded and with it we have an atmosphere full of EMF’s that are not good for us.  Cell phones, towers, computers, WiFi, etc.

Did you know that if you use your cell phone as an alarm that you should set it to Airplane Mode so that you won’t be subject to  the radiofrequency energy (radio waves), a form of non-ionizing radiation. Tissues nearest to where the phone is held can absorb this energy.

And now the WHO (World Health Organization is stating that bacon and processed and cured meats contain carcinogens.

I am looking to educate myself and gain my health back.  I’m also looking to share what I come across.

Be well!












The Next Chapter


Today marks the third anniversary of this blog.  I’ve stayed pretty much true to the purpose of its existence and over the course of time and I have written some pretty good stuff.  I have offered up some rather deep and profound insights on my posts. Some have been funny, others have expressed anger.  Poetry has been spewed forth and I have indeed babbled a lot on this forum. While some posts have been well written,  other posts have been a little on the mediocre side.  Errors abound throughout many of them. Oye!

I read my first post for example that does indeed have a number of grammatical errors in it.

I thought of going back and making corrections but decided against this.



One of the reasons I started this blog was to exercise my chops as a wordsmith.  If I can go back now and see where a post could have potentially been great then I’ll leave the lesson in tack.

December 6th, 2011 I went in for my heart procedure.  The following day I began this blog and one year ago today I finished up cancer treatment.  At this time a year ago I was violently sick as a result of the radiation treatments.

As 2014 began, the idea that the memory loss which I had incurred as a result of chemotherapy could possibly be permanent, brought to life a fear like none I’ve ever known.  Would I be able to continue with all the plans that I’d had in place prior to this interruption in my life?

And no one knew this fear that I had.  I could not give it voice as then it would be much too real.


I slipped into denial so easily refusing to accept what was happening to my physical body.  And of course, by doing this the rest of my being suffered the impact as well.  It really has just been in the last few months that I’ve actually come to terms with everything and thankfully my memory has returned full force as well.

It was strange emerging from the fog cancer patients affectionately call ‘chemo brain’.  Stranger yet, was reviewing some of the work I’d done in that state.  Things that normally don’t even require any thought at all, things that are so ingrained they are done habitually were challenged.  And somewhere in that fog I tried desperately to connect the dots of reason.

I’ve corrected the majority of the work but there are a couple of entries at the engineer’s office where I’ve just offered up a simple fix as I’ve no idea what my line of thinking was at that time.  It’s not a big deal. I am only $283.47 out.  I think I know what happened but at this point it’s not worth the time and effort to try to uncover this mystery and again I only think I know.  When the year wraps I’ll send a note to the accounting firm that provides the audit every year.

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Sometimes we need to look back to see how far we’ve come.  There is a benefit too in that if similar behaviours still exist how are they masking themselves?

I’ve a lot to do in the next month.  I’ve a book to release and a campaign to put together.

Christmas is fast approaching and I really need to buckle down and get this put together.  As we speak, the tree is up but the place is a mess. I’ve decorations littering the living room and kitchen.  My office has gift ideas spread throughout as they are in their infancy at this point.  Cards await my attention and I’ve got two events this weekend that are in the spirit of the season.

On Thursday evening some friends of mine met a restaurant known as the Libra Room on Commercial Drive.  Marco, who is my girlfriend’s son, bought the restaurant earlier in the year.  We had a great time.  The food was fabulous and the company even better!  Great way to kick off the Christmas season!

Yesterday we had out Christmas lunch at work.  Later I hit the gym on my way home from work.  The plan had been to tackle the Christmas cards in earnest but a gentle exhaustion enveloped me so I curled on the sofa to watch a few shows deciding to take a bit of break.

I’ve been having issues with the signal on my TV as it keeps cutting out.  So I made the call and an hour and a half later after having a lovely fellow in Guatemala trying to program my TV, I resolved that the cards would have to be done today.  Oh, and the TV is still losing the signal.  Probably needs a new modem.  I’ll have to call again but this will have to wait.

Funky clock

I will be meeting with my trainer shortly. I’ve had a good week.  I’m really starting to feel tight again.  One of my co-workers mentioned yesterday that she definitely could see a difference.  So I shall endeavor.

Over the last five years I’ve changed how I live this life that I’ve been afforded.  Having lived the majority of my life in a manner that I thought I deserved, I challenged that notion and decided to go after the life I wanted.
We are conditioned from the cradle on what we should want from this life and I accepted that for a long time.

Now its time to move forward in a big way.

Enjoy your day!  Peace.




Back In Training: Week Two…The Agony and the Ecstasy!



“Give me eight more!” Tamer grinned delightfully at me and I did.

The one dreaded exercise that I knew would come came yesterday.  The Burpee!

Still after fourteen days I am down 2 lbs. and have lost 2 inches off my waist, 1 inch off my hips, thighs and arms.

Not a bad start at all.

My trainer has been focusing on some really intense exercises so today my posterior feels extremely tight.

I am getting back into the flow, back into the groove.

I am again pursuing the idea of enjoying optimum health on every level.

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It has been an extraordinarily busy week.  Lately they’ve all been rather crazy.  What I’m finding is that my ability to organize my time effectively is returning in a big way.

I’ve been thinking about some of the challenges over the last year.  Chemotherapy does a number on you, not just physically but with your memory.  I was in a fog.  I’ve spoken about this before but for those who’ve never gone through Cancer treatment, and I pray you never do, let me assure you that this was one of the most frightening aspects to treatment.

When you can’t recall what you were doing a few minutes ago, when everything that is around you is registering then fading into an abyss of thoughts and ideas that just can’t be retained for any length of time, let me assure it will scare the hell out of you.

And I worked throughout this ordeal.


I am still trying to undo some of things I did with the accounting posts at the engineer’s office.  I’ve almost got everything corrected.  At the time trying to piece together the things that I’ve been doing for well over a decade, the things that I could do typically without much thought were extremely challenging.

I had developed a strange logic back then.  I was forgetting GST payments, I was reconciling bank statements by changing certain posts to match what I thought was the correct version of the money trail.


Because I couldn’t recall quite how to do it and I was absolutely terrified to tell anyone this.  And the biggest fear was that I wouldn’t recover from this, that the sharp mind I’ve always enjoyed would be lost to me.


I wrote a lot during this period, particularly on this forum.  It was a way to release.

At times it’s odd for me to read some of the passages back.  Even while I was in it, a part of me refused to accept what was happening to my physical body.

I was chatting with a friend last night who was going through breast cancer treatment last year as well.  As she so eloquently stated, ‘Cancer is one big mind-fuck!”

Indeed it is.

And as I’ve stated before, the Cancer Agency has a tendency to treat patients like mindless cattle.  Much of the information that I gained to assist with certain side effects was not offered by the Cancer Agency but rather discovered by my own research.

A few of the doctors didn’t like how inquisitive I was.  I do want to say right off that I am grateful for the health care that I have at my disposal.

What I realized, however, is that cancer is a business and big one at that.

Pills 2pills 1

Last week on the news a piece was done on a woman who had a rare cancer and the medication that she was taking cost $3,000.00 per month!

She refused to let her husband sell their house to pay for the medications and opted to go off treatment and subsequently died.

To me this is criminal.

Then, rather hypocritically, a family decided to listen to their young daughter’s request and stopped chemotherapy.  The hospital is now taking the family to court insisting that they are not looking out for their child’s best interest.

When you think of the millions of dollars that is raised for cancer on an annual basis, why is a portion of those funds not set aside to assist those who cannot afford the cost of treatment?  Why are the drugs not free?

Considering how much is given to charity annually, and it is an exorbitant amount, should the payback not be free medications?

Perhaps this is a question that should be raised.  Oh, I have know doubt the huge pharmaceutical companies who received the majority of these funds for ‘research’ will throw up the smoke and mirrors about the cost of said research.

But surely then with all the funds we’ve provided to them have we not paid our dues?


On the upside I am officially wigless!  Yup.  I went for my first haircut in well over a year.  I had it shaped and styled and I like it.


This is a photo of me taken during the Rick Hansen 25th Anniversary Relay.

It was a very humbling experience.

Of course this morning when I attempted to do my own hair…well,  let’s just say I need to practice up.

I want my health back. I want all the things I was beginning to enjoy back and I’ll have it.

Peace out.



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This has been an eventful week at the new job. There was a degree of discord from one of the worker’s there who will be leaving as a result of me assuming all responsibilities.

I am a ‘lovely woman’ whom she see’s herself ‘divorcing’.

I was and am very sympathetic  to her sensibilities.  Still, this is business.  Nothing more.  She can work her ass off trying to prove whatever it is she is caught up in, but I know all too well the bosses’ really have no interest in her personal life.  You need to produce.  Simple as that.

That acceptance as made me very good at my job.  And yes, it has taken awhile to learn these lessons.  Not that I’m  a slow learner…just a very stubborn one at times.:

I hope that the vision I am developing for this company comes to fruition.  I’m all business.  This isn’t about what the company can and should do for me.


I am the worker bee you see.  This is about saying ‘Lets try doing this and that.  We’ll be more efficient.  More productive.  Better overhead results in higher profits.’

It is quite simply, business.

I’ve learned this the hard way.  You must separate to some degree your personal self with your business self.

Because of my journey I actually have a deeper insight into this.

I left work and arriving home tucked my pages and computer into my backpack.  I decided to head off for dinner and do some editing.

Boston Pizza won the decision for where I would dine.


As I entered the establishment I looked past the host who was intent on seating me.  My eyes were now trained on an old friend.  I was half engaged with the gentleman who wanted to seat me and the friend whom was in my sight.


I’d traversed through the hallowed halls of school from Grade 1 to Grade 11 with him.  We’d put together the 30 year reunion together.  He lives with is wife just a meer block from my domain.

I waved my hand and he looked up then rose to greet and folded me in his arms.

Brian had a stroke three weeks ago. This shocked me.


He smiled rather sardonically and sadly  stating ‘Aging sucks.’

I laughed and agreed. I told him of my issues.  Discussed the emotional head games these things play out.  Then informed him to commit to a few hours out with Marie and I.

The three of us put together the 30 year reunion.  What I can I tell you is that year of  piecing together out past cemented me to so many aspects of who I used to be.

And I needed that.

So if I see a friend who has suffered, know this.  All the positive energy I have is being directed to your well being.

There are people who so quietly touch your life.  Brian I would say is one of those people.

Yet, there is a profundity to it.

Phone Pics July 2014 069He matters. He has all the school pictures of us from Grade 1 to Grade 11. He sees just me, not the latest invention of who I thought I should be.  Brian has gone through his own hell.  And I guess that’s what we need to embrace and understand about our journey during this life.

Despite our successes and losses…at the end of day…we are all simply human.

And I will always try to offer the most sincere and honest response to someone’s situation.

To those I hold dear…know that it is doubled.

And if you cannot articulate what burdens you… I understand this so deeply. I will not speak for you.  Your voice, your emotions, your feelings are necessary.  All I can do is hopefully give them a face.  Give them voice. Give them life.

Long ago I accepted that my roll in this world is souly dependent upon the organic thought provided to me by simply living.

It sounds simplistic…but really its not.

I commit to this world to assist in bringing an honest and forgiving truth to how we live our lives.


The Universe Has Spoken – A Uterusless Year


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Last evening I sat finishing up at the engineer’s office having maintained his accounting records on a part-time basis for the last six years, I let my mind wander.  Prior to that I had worked full-time there for five years.

I gazed out the window.  A beautiful summer evening beckoned beyond the confines of the office.

There used to be a spectacular view when first James’ moved the office over to 4th Ave. and Main Street here in Vancouver.  An unimpeded and often breathtaking vista of Vancouver’s mountains made working in an area that was still largely industrial and not particularly attractive just shine a little brighter.

Eleven years ago I can recall going out and taking pictures of the first snow that fell on the mountains when we moved to this location.

It looked as though icing sugar had been liberally sprinkled over the whole of them.  It was so beautiful.

Tonight as I sat gazing at the view that no longer exists, trying to figure out what my fog induced brain had done a few months back, I just felt sad.

The race to develop the area after the Olympics graced our fair city is still underway.  Many of the buildings that have been erected are not particularly attractive.  Densification is the key word these days.  Not that the area was stellar to look at before, but I’d hoped that it would look better than what it does at the moment.  Each building’s footprint maximizes the space allowable to build upon in everyway.

The view really doesn’t exist any longer.  Oh you can see a bit of the mountains, but not like a few years ago.

I leaned back in my chair. It’s been a brutal week.  A lot of tears.  A lot of unexpected turn of events.

I thought back to that first run in I had with John.  He is one of partners at the architectural firm I work at, so yes, one of my boss’.

I wondered why it is I end up in these positions.  It seems like subconsciously I ignore those little red flags that go up.

No, I wait until the universe slaps me around a little and says ‘Get you ass oughta there!”  Even then, as I assure the universe that I will do just that after I do this, this and that, I often find I get kicked to the curb.

The universe has indeed spoken and I really need to listen to it better.

I was ‘warned’ when I started in this job just over five years ago by my predecessor.

When Raymond quit not even a year later, I saw ‘The Wrath of John’ in action for the first time.  It would not be the last.

I should have begun the hunt to get out four years ago after that display.

But I was convinced that I could make a difference and do the job and do if fabulously.

In the beginning I was tenacious.  Why I thought I needed to prove it to myself, I don’t know.   And I should know better by now.

Then there is this thing about timing.

I was getting healthy in everyway for the first time really in my life.  It was a tough period as I was finally tackling some of the deepest issues that have always plagued me.

It was strange.

I was trying desperately to break out of the hell I’d created in another hell I’d accepted.  And all the while the mask went on every morning.

The competent and self-assured accountant / office manager headed off into the wilds of the business world wanting to make sense of it, and trying to play the corporate chess match with effect.

And when that condemning eye of John’s fell to me and the verbal assaults began, did I stop him in his tracks right at the beginning?

No.  I tried to suck it up and be a ‘man’ about it.  After all this was just business, yes?

It continued for months.  The woman who had gone in prepared to run the place with notions of smooth efficiency began to sink.

All the knowledge I have about accounting was being challenged and the demand was to change how it was done to satisfy the partners’ need to try and understand it.

And as this was played out in a multitude of endless spreadsheets that seemingly changed in a kaleidoscopic manner I tried desperately to make sense of it and provide them with their insatiable needs in order to understand where the firm was going.

Twice a month this ritual was to be done, each containing information that just seemed to build.  And God knows, I did my best in this regard.

When I approached them about the obscene cost of storage it was at first ignored.  Only when the business slowed down was this now an issue that needed to be dealt with exponentially.

I ran the numbers by them on paper filing.  Found programs that would be ideal in converting to an electronic format.  And while I was successful in convincing them that we did indeed need to make this change, one of the partners created a program of sorts that I’ve never really understood.

Initially the receptionist had to go in an re-code a great deal of information.  A quick fix was found about a year later.  And it was not part of my job description at that point.  I simply needed to ensure that it was done in a timely manner.

When the receptionist left and was not replaced I now had to fend for myself.  I was dragging bottom at this point so I set up my own system to try and deal with the backlog as I didn’t really understand what had been set up and it just seemed every time I tried to sequester a lesson it just didn’t happen.

I was getting lost, even then I knew it. But I’m stubborn so I stuck my head in the sand and soldiered on.

I don’t remember what John said exactly to me that day, but the words were an arrow that pierced the heart and fractured that delicate child of mine.  I lost it.

I stormed after him and began to sob and scream ” You can’t talk to me like that!”

And then I was on the defensive , crying pathetically.  My voice had taken on a high-pitched childlike octave and nothing coming out of my mouth was really all that coherent.

Then he simply turned his back to me, dismissing me.

And I raged on.  That was a year and a half ago.  Oh, I knew then that I’d overstayed my welcome.  I could not work under these conditions..  No one should.

I began to put out feelers to see what was out there.  I’d be a little more careful this time out and really listen to my intuition.  I was beginning to understand the error of my ways.

A month later…”You’ve got Cancer!”

Now as much as I would have liked to continue the job search, going into an interview with the footnote..’oh, just to let you know, I do have cancer, but no worries, I’ll be just fine!’ just didn’t cut it.

And here I am, one year to the day that I had surgery.  I truly thought that would be it.  Take out the diseased parts and get on with it.

And at this moment I am just feeling sad.

Oh, it will pass, but boy, did they pick a good week to hand out five weeks notice telling me that my position was going to be ‘downsized and rationalized’ and I would be joining the ranks of the unemployed if I don’t find something in the interim.

There is more to it than the reason given.  This I can assure you.  Certain powers that be wanted me out.  It really is just that simple unfortunately.  And who they bring in to replace me, or if they contract out, I really have no clue.

I was told that I have not been very productive and they can’t afford me.  That really hurt.

I took just two weeks off after the surgery.  On the days I went in for chemo I took those off as well.  I made up the time, however, working overtime and banking it when ever I could.

Chemo messed up the thought process.  Fractured it for a time.  Pulled me into a fog so thick.

And still John’s hurtful comments continued.

Not once did either partner sit me down and express concern over me or my job performance.  Not once did they encourage me to take a leave of absence and just heal.

Yet every error, everything I forgot to do was underlined.  Still, everything managed to get done.

And as I sit here now, feeling rather beaten and defeated, I do know I’m leaving the place in far better shape than when I first arrived.  I will always honour the job regardless.

And you know, I wish I’d been able to tell John when those words were bestowed just how terrified I was.

Of him.  Of the drugs that were invading my body. Of dying.

But I didn’t.

Each morning I rose from my bed and put the mask of accountant / office manager on though now it was cracked and so hideous to me but I was desperate to believe in it still.

What if this mind of mine stayed like this?  I didn’t want to go there.

The phone would ring while I was trying to focus on the numbers before me, and after the phone call had ended…the train of thought was gone.  The numbers sometime looking like another language. Then those tendrils of fear began to slip in.

What was happening to me?

I really began to understand in many ways I was simply a statistic.  At work, getting cancer.  It’s a numbers game.

And I won’t tell you how many times I cried myself to sleep in the last year trying to deal with the all the things that were rising up and at times feeling quite hysterical, but if there is one thing I’ve learned well, it’s how to hide it.

And I am a forgiving soul.

Some might say I should not make such things public record.  I’ve nothing to hide really. I never have.

I feel no shame.  I only wish I’d not taken the abuse for as long as I did.  Those that pay our salary have a certain power though.  And while I often would just walk away saying nothing when these barbs were tossed out, I still allowed it to continue.

Oh, I knew I had to get out of there and was preparing as such.  I wanted to get the publishing company up and running and then get the book launched first.  And I wanted to ensure that everything was brought up to date so that whomever replaced me would at least have a bit of a head start.  I was about 75% complete in that quest.

And happily my synoptic functions have returned full force, though there is still a little residue effect that is occurring.

And a year later the Universe has spoken.  I have a much different path now to explore.  It has been a toxic year on so many fronts.  Now it’s time to move on and heal on every front.

You can’t make lemonade out of sour grapes no matter how hard you try.  Best to bow out gracefully and know that karma always has a way of balancing things out.

Mercury is coming out of a significant retrograde insisting that I leave my toxic past behind me and I will.

One year later, I am still here.  I will know the freedom to create, I will know the freedom to love, I will know the freedom to express my true passions and I will live these.

Peace and love to all of you.











Five Hundred…But Who’s Counting?

Hey mista!  Yeah, you.  Hey buddy!  Get over here!  I said, get on over here!  Got somethin’ I gotta tell ya!  Yeah, you!  Don’t make me hurt you!

(Insert sound effects from an old black and white B-movie of the gangster variety where they get into a little of the fisty cuff stuff)

Now that I have your attention I’ve got this to say.



Not that I’m counting or anything.  But I wonder if WordPress will send me some kind of acknowledgement.  When I first started writing on here they used to send me a little ‘Congratulations!’ icon with every 10 posts I completed.  It has been a long time since they’ve offered up anything.

So let’s do a brief recap.

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First I would like to thank all of you who’ve signed onto my blog and followed me over the last 2 1/2 years during this little journey of mine.

As you all know, I can be a little long-winded at times.  I’ve started projects on here that didn’t seem to get much in the way of response so I tucked the idea away and carried on with it in another manner.

We first met the day after I had a heart procedure done.  A stent was inserted for a blockage I wasn’t aware that I had.  We kind of just happened on it in a backward kind of way.

Things seem to go like that for me at times.

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For the next year I pounded out my first book, a memoir.  I joined a few writing groups and took photography classes.  I finally dealt with some of the most painful and darkest issues that have plagued this life of mine.

I had gotten into running would carry on and commit to it.  During 2012 I was on blood thinners so that the stent could become properly embedded into the walls of my aorta.  I was told to be careful as being on blood thinners would lead to easy bruising.

I don’t think there is a year that I’ve fallen down, tripped, bashed into doors, walls, corners, etc. more often than 2012.  I was, it seemed, something of Georgia peach….a bruised one at that.

As 2012 closed out I said ‘good-bye’ to the blood thinners. In celebration I signed on to do the 2013 BMO 1/2 Marathon.

I decided to write about the experience and the series was called ‘In Training’.  Fifteen weeks were recorded and about half way through my training….I began having health issues.  My energy had begun to do a vanishing act.

The Head

Still, I muscled through.  My fear was that some other heart ailment had come up but the heart was doing fabulously.  The cardiologist couldn’t even stress it out to the max.

More tests.

Four days after I completed the BMO 1/2 Marathon I was diagnosed with Uterine Cancer.

And so began a year battle.  I have, as you well know, shared my experiences regarding this on here as well.

I am still kickin’ it.  My hair is growing back…oddly.  I’ve gained 42 lbs. as a result of treatment.  I am easing back into my fitness regime.  Still, its been tough.  The weight is sitting on me in an odd manner.  I don’t know how else to describe it other than when I do run I feel like I have a lifeless belt strapped on.  I have begun to refer quite affectionately to this portion of my anatomy as the Dead Zone.

I am checking out a few varieties of exercise now.  One is Tabata training.  It may be able to kick-start a few things.

It is my understanding that it takes time for all the toxins to be cleared from the body and for me, it has not yet been 6 months.  Am I expecting too much?


In any case, I’ve found a series of foods that should assist in cleansing the body of the toxins and help to restore the good bacteria that was killed off along with the bad during chemo and radiation.

And between these health issues that I’ve really tried to treat as just a minor inconvenience, I’ve written about any number of topics that have popped into this head of mine.

I finished the memoir which will be released soon.  In the mix I decided to start my own publishing company.  I’ve got six other books of various genres on the go.  I want to make a go of this and write on a full-time basis. I want to publish other writers as well.

If all goes as planned, and I’m sure it will, I will be quite successful.

In the meantime I will carry on posting on this blog of mine.  This began as a writing exercise.  I’ve had my moments where I’ve questioned why I am doing this.  I’ve questioned why I’ve never been featured on anything.  I’ve questioned a lot of things.

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At the end of the day, it comes down to marketing.  Admittedly, when it comes to this blog of mine I am woefully bad at trying to market the thing.  I decided to stay true to the original intent which was to use this forum to write regularly and hopefully improve my skills as a wordsmith.

If I had more time then perhaps I could devote a bit more of this commodity to marketing.

As it is I’m stretching it.  Perhaps that’s why my sleep as of late has been off.

I’ve shared my heart with all of you along with some of my photography which is another love of mine.  I hope you’ve been able to take a little piece here and there and been able to either relate to a situation or given pause and been touched by something I’ve written.

What matters the most and is the highest of compliments, is that you, the reader, can walk away after reading one my posts and feel that the message conveyed is understood, heartfelt and honest in its diction.

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And always I am humbled by those of you who do follow my ramblings.  This isn’t a popularity contest…at least not for this gal.

What this is and always has been is my deep love of the written word and wanting to become better at it with each passing day.

Many blessings to all of you.  Thanks for checking in.





This Sunday, April 27, 2014 I will be participating in my fifth Sun Run.

The Sun Run is a 10 KM run event  in Vancouver, BC.  It is the largest 10 KM run in North America as it typically attracts approximately 50,000 participants.

My world changed dramatically after completing my first Sun Run.  I’ve said it before and often and will say it again…running has literally saved my life.

The doors that have opened since crossing the finish line the first time, the change that has occurred in my person has been quite remarkable.

And I am humbled and blessed to still be able to get out there and do the damn thing.

I have included a link to Marathon Photos that document finishing the race last year.  They also have some video clips.  I look like Big Bird and I have the sign if you want to check it out.  You really cannot miss me.

Three weeks after this race I ran the BMO 1/2 Marathon.  I think I was in denial when first I saw these photos as I’d really become bloated at this point.  This is what I looked like just prior to being diagnosed with Uterine Cancer.

And I knew there was something not right but when you begin the process of diagnosis, your head won’t let you go to that dark place of ‘What if….?’

Two weeks prior to the events of last years Sun Run I had been given a medication to ‘soften’ my cervix for some tests that needed to be done.

I ended up having contractions as a result.  Not fun.  Not fun at all.

Last year at this time I was feeling a little beat up.

This year I’ve gone through the battle and won.  I’ve got the scars which are mending and I am rebuilding.

As I run this year it will be a reminder to me of the good fortune I’ve been blessed with in finding these ailments before they became a major threat.  It will reinforce the beauty of movement and allow me to honour my health and wellbeing.


Below is a photo taken when I was invited to participate in The Rick Hansen 25th Anniversary Relay.  Truly, it was a huge honour.  A few months ago I received an invitation to share my story.  I am attaching the letter requesting participation and Renee’s response to my submission.

In my submission I included the final chapter of my book as my experience with the relay is noted in there.  I was brought close to tears by Renee’s response.

This year the Sun Run will be a celebration.  I will be picking up my run package this afternoon after work.  Look for me a the finish line.  Cheers!


Dear Nancy,

Rick Hansen and his Foundation team are working on a new initiative to encourage Canadians to become Difference Makers. And we need your help!

Will you share your story of how someone (including you) reached out and made a difference?

Someone facing a life challenge perhaps. Or going out of their way to help someone in need.

As a medal bearer during the Rick Hansen 25th Anniverary Relay, you know how people can have a positive impact on others.

Reply to this email by April 15th. All stories are confidential. If your story is one that Foundation would like to share, we’ll only do so with your permission.

Nancy, thank you again for all you do. Take pride in knowing that you are a Difference Maker!

Renee Eaton
Director, Community Giving
Rick Hansen Foundation

 Dear Nancy,

Please excuse the delay in my reply. I was on vacation and then off sick with the flu.

 Thank you so so much for sharing your story. I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to read about your journey and honoured by your honesty and courage. Our Difference Makers team will find your thoughts and observations so valuable to this new initiative. Especially the following, directly copied from your submission:

What a humbling experience this was.  I walked amongst giants that day and met the man in motion himself.  I realized we all make a difference but it is up to us what kind of difference we make in the human experience and how much of difference as well.   

And through my trials I now emerge simply as woman.  There are no barriers, no restraints.  This is who I am. ‘ 

 Thank you for writing so beautifully about difference making. The Foundation team is lucky to have you on our team.


Renee Eaton

The Whisper ( A Poem)

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At one time all I wrote was verse.  And I did it very badly.  Convinced that everything needed to rhyme I took my limited vocabulary and tried my damnedest to convey my feelings in this odd little box of adjectives, nouns and verbs.  I can’t remember where I heard this or perhaps I read it somewhere.  It was one of those obscure little tidbits that became a rather foolish thorn in my side. 

“Nothing rhymes with orange.”

How many nights did I lay in bed trying to find a word that would compliment it.  Talk about a fast track to a padded cell somewhere.  I don’t know why, for a time, I was like this.  The oddest things would catch and hold. 

In fact, I stopped eating oranges for a time because of that odd little niggling I would get.

Thankfully I finally let it go. Stopped obsessing over trivial matters that had no bearing on anything really. 

If you’re wondering where all of this is leading to it is this.  I am going to attempt to write at least one good poem per month.  Perhaps its time I added a challenge to the mix.  I’ve posted a few poems on here.  I think the last one was ‘I Wonder’. 

The challenge with this form of prose is really capturing a mood, a moment, a feeling and in brief summation getting right down to the heart of the matter.  Like any other form of writing, there are certain things that appeal to me and others that repel. 

Every art form is like that though.  In any case, I am babbling here.  Time to get on with it.  I present…

The Whisper

In night visions it came,

This frightening specter,

So succinct and subtle, deliberate in its intent.

No pain, none at all,

Just a whisper,

“Something’s not right.”

And how do you diagnose a feeling?

How do you get an odd foreboding checked out?

It was in my dreams though,

A darkness had settled…a weight,

With velvet grace it embraced me,

And a storm began to brew within,

Throughout my womb the darkness spread,

Tentacles leaching into the reservoir of my life source,

Tugging, pulling…gently at first,

Then more demanding…sinister,

The whisper became a shout,

“Something is wrong!”

Encapsulated in the comfort of quick sand,

The weight now leaden,

In my head, in my heart, in my womb,

The whisper was now a scream,

“Something is very wrong!”

A rising tide of fear,

A rising tide of panic,

“Don’t go there!”

And the heaviness…now it’s becoming unbearable,

I’m being strangled,

A war is being waged in my physical body,

In my emotion core,

In my sexual divinity,

In my spiritual realm,

“Show yourself, coward!” I screamed into the night,

The face revealed, uglier than any seen before,

And this parasitic bastard had set up shop,

The intent was clear…I knew what was on the line,

It was my life,

This cancer had invaded me,

Whispered its way into my being,

I don’t know how,

Nor why.

A beautiful life was unfolding before me,

All the haunts and pains from the past were being laid to rest,

With gentle ministrations I’d calmed the hysteria of years past,

Soothed the spirit, the mind, the heart…

Wanted only to know love, to be loved,

But into battle I did go.

The cost I would not negotiate,

A pound of flesh now forfeit,

Close to a year of battle has left it’s scars,

I drank their poison believing the necessity of this madness,

Are you gone?

Have I rid myself of you?

There is an anger, a residue effect,

I’ve been robbed, maligned, beaten,

But never defeated,

And in the dark of night the whisper comes,

“Is everything okay?”



Picture This….Part Three Winter in Vancouver

And winter came to Vancouver as it always does.  Typically we don’t get much in the way of snow.  The rule is that the snow stays up in the local mountains that are approximately a half hour drive by car or bus from the downtown core of the city.

An hour or so up the road from the local mountains is Whistler Village.  If you like to ski, we have venues that will accommodate.  I, however, don’t like to ski.

I tried it in my youth and hurtling down the side of mountain really holds very little appeal for me.  I have height issues, you see.  And yes, that fear became crystal clear while I was racing down an icy slope in fog that was so thick I couldn’t see three feet in front of me.

If you are wondering how I handled myself in this situation, I’ll tell you. I sat on my bum and cried.  Someone eventually came for me and walked / talked me down the remainder of the course.

As this winter settled in, I had just walked away from radiation treatment.  Halfway through I had become too sick to carry on.  After close to three weeks straight I called it a day.

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Lost Lagoon at the mouth of Stanley Park back in February 2014

It can look really beautiful outside but trust me, you’ll feel the cold.  Being on the coast we experience a very different cold.  It is a damp chill that will move down to your bones.  We didn’t have a great deal of rain in December so consequently there wasn’t a great deal of snow in the mountains as a result.  Still they managed to eke out a season and with a wet March, the local mountains did okay over Spring Break.

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The skies in winter often have a vibrancy not seen at other times of the year.  It has also become customary for residents to decorate trees in the community.  The tree above sits in a traffic circle.  

As this year began, so came the quest to gain back my health that I previously enjoyed.  It’s been a struggle.

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These are three iconic buildings in the downtown core.  From left to right, the Wall Centre, The Hudson’s Bay Co. and currently the tallest building in Vancouver, The Shangri-la Hotel

And you know, its rare…at least for me…that Vancouver ever looks bad.  Even in the torrential downfalls you’ll find an underlying beauty.

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quarmby-rainAnd so as winter came to a close, I was beginning to feel the energy beginning to return, though it has been rather gradual in its reappearance.

I’ve had the sensation of being disassembled completely but being left to pick up the pieces. I shall endeavor to continue on with my quest of seeking optimal health.

Enjoy your day.  I am going to head out to the bank and sneak a walk in.  Say ‘hi’ to a tree or two.

Thanks again for stopping by.

Picture This…Part Two Autumn 2013

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Robson Street in early Autumn colours

Like the trees last autumn I lost all my ‘foliage’ as well.  I love this time of year.  The colours are just so vibrant.  That last call of life before the leaves descend to the ground.

We were blessed with a spectacular summer and as Autumn approached we continued to enjoy Vancouver at her finest.

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Colourful pumpkins and gourds now lined the shelves at local grocery stores.

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View of English Bay from Davie and Denman Street.  Finding funny in the bushes of the West End and one of my favorite coffee shops.  All are decked out in fall attire.

My feet were numb at this point due to the chemotherapy.  I couldn’t run.  I could walk though and made it a point to get out at lunch and take in my surroundings.  I was still trying to get into the gym periodically, but admittedly it was becoming a challenge.Deer Lake Morning Fog Oct 19 128

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Terry Fox memorial at BC Place

The courage of Terry Fox is forever remembered and held close in the hearts of many.  During this period every time I passed by his statue, and I made it a point to go by it often, I was reminded of his fight.  And somewhere in me I accepted the torch to continue the fight against cancer.

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Deer Lake Park on a misty Saturday morning

As Autumn began to fade to winter we were waking to some spectacular sunrises.  My photography group decided to head down to Deer Lake Park and catch the sunrise.  We all arrived at 6:30 AM on this Saturday morning.  There was a great deal of ice on the lake now and we never did see the sun come up though we were assured that it was somewhere beyond the mists that we found ourselves shrouded in.

We had a great time none the less.  Something about fog that holds a certain mystery to it.  I felt as though I were in another realm.


As October came to a close I had finished up with chemo and now awaited the radiation treatment.  My photography group went to All Soul’s Night at a local cemetery.  It was a beautiful night and an absolutely spectacular event.

I was able to witness a variety of cultures coming together to honour those who have passed before us.  There was song and music played on instruments I’ve never seen before.  I gave pause many times that night considering the importance in these events.

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And I soldiered on trying to accept what was being done to my physical self.  Kept the smile firmly in place along with the wig.  I fought on, never giving the fear that crept up an audience.

Any anger that simmered beneath the surface was extinguished.  I refused to go there.

In mid-November I began radiation treatment. This was by far the most brutal experience to my person.  And as I fought through, at times I began to feel that I was slipping up a bit.  Did I need to do this?  Was it to my benefit or to my detriment?

Oddly, I don’t know the answer to this yet.

But I need to restore my energy body.  I need to surrender to a forgiving and loving heart.  There can be no room for ill will.

I made the choices that I did based on the information that was provided to me.

I hope you are enjoying the images that I shot last year.  As stated, these are some of my favorites.  I likely took about 2,000 pictures last year.  In all of them I am trying to capture just a little of the beauty and magic of this everyday life I’ve been given.

Enjoy your day. Namaste.