On a Lighter Note…Problem Solving 101


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So much strife exists these days.  And me?  Well I get on my blog and rant about the state of this world.

Then the latest incident hit regarding Apple vs. FBI.

Now I could go on a rant here as well but I will simply say that I’m on Apple’s side in all this and I don’t even own an iPhone.

I’ve got a Smartphone Android that likes to show me just how incompetent I am on a daily basis.

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Technology is moving at an unbelievably fast pace.  A documentary I viewed the other evening spoke of computer chips being injected into us humans and correcting all of our ailments.  This is to happen by 2030 which really is the not so distant future.

During my drive to work the other morning I witnessed a beautiful sunrise. Frost had kissed blades of grass and trees during the midnight hours.

And while I was pondering the fate of this world and taking in the beauty of a new day, I glanced in the rear-view mirror.

Horrified at my image with this hair…

'I can never do anything with my hair phobia.'

Now I’ve not complained about my hair in a good long while.  Indeed, after chemo left me bald I swore I would never complain again.  Even when my hair threatened to come in as curly do giving me the appearance of a cherub that scared me more than you’ll ever know.

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And as I thought about the FBI wanting technology to unlock a terrorist’s phone and Donald Trump wanting to build higher walls to keep out the ‘bad guys’ along the border should he become President, I also pondered concerns about global warming and how the price of everything is crazy.

What would make me really happy at the moment I considered?

Well, all I want is wash and wear hair.  Just to look lovely from sun up to sundown.

Oh, I’ve met those tortuous beauties so kind and gentle with locks that bounce and glisten in the sun.

Even when the rains have come, their hair defies the dampness and takes on a life of its own.

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And here I am, so petty in my wanting, that I covet the hair of my betters while this world sinks even further into despair.

How sad.  It would seem I am not the prolific and profound suffragette that I thought I was.

Then it struck me!

I phoned and made the appointment with my hairdresser at the end of March!

If I can find solace and peace with my hair, a truce perhaps, just maybe there will be hope for the rest of this world!

I believe! I believe! I believe!

 

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Happiness Is A Warm Gun? Trump That!


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Several weeks ago I watched as President Obama tearfully laid out a plan to curb the gun violence that occurs in the United States on a daily basis.  I noted his frustration as he once again spoke of the need to regulate and implement tougher standards for buying or selling guns in America.

Within a nanosecond after this had aired, Republican representatives and gun enthusiasts were quite literally up in arms holding the Constitution over the President’s head like a guillotine.

This Canadian gal just doesn’t understand her American counterparts desire to obtain and have guns.

Americans have this enshrined in their Bill of Rights.  It is the 2nd Amendment in their Constitution.

Curious I pulled up this document and read it through.  I wonder if the forefathers knew what they were putting in place back in 1789?

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Classic Six Shooter

The thing is there have been amendments made and added to change, adjust or update previous Amendments and articles of the laws that govern.  From the information available one of the last adjustments made was in 1992.

That’s fine.  You want the right to bare arms.  But why the fuck do you need an assault rifle that can discharge 800 rounds per minute or even a semi-automatic rifle that can discharge 180 rounds per minute?

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Semi-Automatic Rifle

This just makes no sense to me at all.

There are now more guns in America than there are people.  I find this fact a little scary.

Back in 2011 I went to New York for the first time.  I loved it, however, I remember coming through the Lincoln Tunnel at 6:30 AM and seeing armed soldiers with some very intimidating weapons on their person.  The 10th anniversary of 911 had just passed and the UN was hosting a major event.  The Occupy movement was in full force as well.  I understood the need to step up security.

Still everywhere we went our purses were checked and often we’d have to pass through metal detectors and the like.  It never occurred to me that perhaps many Americans could well have firearms on their person.

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Occupy New York Sept 2011

What is even more confounding is when tragedies such as the thirteen killed at Columbine back in 1999 to the 26 killed at Sandy Hook Elementary in 2012 and immediately thereafter the sale of guns increased exponentially.   Particularly after the Sandy Hook tragedy.  More guns were sold over a six week cycle than had been sold over the last 20 years!  Utter the words ‘gun control’ and suddenly its like Black Friday down in the U.S.  as citizens line up to stock up on their fire arms.

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Times Square at 1:00 AM Sept 2011

I’ve been watching the election campaigns for the run up to the Presidential election later this year and truth be told it is beginning to get a little scary on the Republican side of things.  The fact that Trump leading is so appalling on so many levels.  Out of every republican candidate’s mouth has come the statement “WE WILL KILL ALL TERRORISTS!”

For the record, terrorism is a global issue.  In order to stop terrorism, we need to first understand how and why it exists.  Will going in and blowing up a country solve the issue?

I believe it will only make matters worse.

Trump is going to build a wall to keep the Mexicans out. That is quite frankly, so fucked up!  There is already  a wall there.  This to me is tragic.

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Sadly some of these ‘walls’ already exist

I am a member of Toastmasters International.  When new members join we mentor them.  I met with Luis after our club meeting last Tuesday as I will be mentoring him.  The role of mentor is to let the new member know how the system is set up and to discuss the first two manuals so they understand their responsibilities.  We are also available should they have any questions during the first three speeches that they prepare or deliver.

I love the opportunity to assist any one wanting to improve who they are.

Luis is 30 years old.  He was born in Mexico City.  At 15 years of age he went to Los Angeles to begin a new life.  He had nothing and was on his own. At 17 years of age he came to Vancouver, BC up here in Canada.  He has worked two, sometimes three jobs to bring his mother and brother up from Mexico as well.  He has started his own company and is now married and expecting his first child.

Luis is now a citizen of Canada and what a stellar young man!

Yet according to Mr. Trump, all Mexicans are ‘thugs and rapists.’

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Current snapshot of the U.S. – Mexican border

I am very proud of Canada’s ability to build on its multiculturalism.  We are proof it can work.  I’m not saying we’re perfect.  Far from it.  Sadly we’ve been very slow at dealing with our issues regarding  First Nations people.

And I’m more than a little pissed off that our governments continue to sell off our resources and residential property to offshore buyers.  That, however, is another rant for another day.

I am confused by my neighbors to the south.  Confused and concerned.  The intolerance that I see at some of these political rallies is genuinely frightening.  Trump apparently didn’t know who David Duke was.   Hell, I’m a little Canadian gal and I know who once was the head of the KKK.

When ‘black lives matter’ protesters showed up at the next rally, Trump quite handily demanded, ‘Get them outta here!’ And it was as if he was inciting the crowd to a level of intolerance that was becoming aggressive.

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Eagle photographed in Harrison Mills, BC  Canada

And security moved in fast to do his bidding.  The fact that Trump is as hateful and ego driven as he, well I don’t even want to think about the possibility of him running the show down there.

Finding a really good head of state is an arduous task but some the qualities that are inherent are as follows.

Patience, tolerance, exceptional listening and negotiation skills, emotionally and intellectually sound and balanced.  The person needs to be objective and be able to reason.

Trump has none of this.  He is a bully.  If you don’t agree with him, he’ll sue you.  In many ways he is childlike, pouting and having tantrums whenever he doesn’t get his way.

Between the gun issues and this Trump fellow, America the beautiful is losing her luster.  Trump says he wants to make America great again.

Not too certain of what his definition of ‘great’ is and I hope we never discover this.

To my neighbors in the south be well.  We are all on this planet together and we need to learn to live together and share in the responsibility of keeping this world of ours in good working order.

Peace.

 

 

 

An Epiphany…of Sorts


 

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Dyke Rd. in Richmond, BC  Feb. 16, 2016

 

I’ve been absent from this forum.  I know.

Yet surely you’ve experienced those moments when a thousand words fought for a voice within you.  Thoughts and ideas raced at break-neck speed wanting to take shape yet you kept them in the shadows.

I’ve been in that mind set as of late.

Writing projects, good ones, halted.  Why?  I don’t know.

I’m filling up my schedule.  More demands.  More commitments.  More challenges.  Why?  I don’t know.

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I stare at the screen and type a few words then question their meaning.  Why?  I don’t know.

Direction and balance are the things that I’m seeking.  And while I understand, to some degree why, I can say I really am not certain where to go from here.

A year ago I released my book.  And I am so proud and humbled by this achievement.  The last year was a tough one though.  An vehicle accident messed up my back and a work situation became intolerable as a result.

Agony.  It is nothing new.

Why then did I simply accept it as fact?

Change came as it must.

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Am I trying to organize my life too much?  Perhaps.

What I must distinguish is the things that I can influence and the things that I can only pray and hope will change.  Then I need to point myself in the right direction.

And that, my friends, is the $64,000 dollar question. Which way?

The rain is falling.  Been raining a lot as of late.

And I want, I need…

So many things, so many patches have covered this makeshift heart of mine that simply loves and expands.

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Mornings find me buying Tom (our local schizophrenic) his coffee then searching for the sunrise.

I drive past absurd estates in Richmond on my way to work then find myself driving along the rivers edge.

Herons, Eagles, Seagulls, Crows, etc. fly in uniform.

And always I’m treated to and blessed by the differences that each day offers.

Photographs are taken as I take in the beauty and challenge of each day.

And I wish…God knows, I wish…

Never say ‘what if?’

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Every once in a while though, I say just that.

I’m still here.  Still looking at this world each day with wonder, still wanting, still needing, still hoping…

 

 

 

Rabbit Holes…


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Have you ever felt that you’re getting back on track with everything in your life when another rabbit hole appears in the road and swallows you?

It happens.

I enjoyed the holidays.  I kept it very low key this year.  Quiet and reflective celebrations were the order of the day.  I did have a few days, however, where I just felt sad.  I just let myself feel it regardless of where those emotions were emerging from.  They could well just be echoes from the past moving through me.

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Time to get back to the grind and get back to life and living.

Pain still exists from the car accident that occurred close to a year ago.  I need to take my health back .  All of it.

I have concerns and more than anything these days I feel tired.  And I’m not going to hide behind the mantle of my age as the notion of this is poppycock!

Age has nothing to do with how I feel.

I’m mulling the previous year’s trials and tribulations over in my head. Oh, there are definitely a few things that I would have responded to differently but as with everything in this life it’s about moving forward not back.

There are times when how I feel scares me.  I’ll have moments of anger, moments of hurt, moments of painful conflict.  There are certain things I don’t like to feel.  I do understand why as well.

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When I was younger I had no handle on my emotional self.  Indeed, I was something of a loose canon that seemed to self-combust on far too regular basis.  It’s those extremes that haunt me and perhaps create the knee-jerk reaction I sometimes experience at an overwhelming emotion.  Hence, I try to distance myself and push it away.

I am trying now to get back to optimum health.  This is something that, in all honesty, I’ve never truly experienced.  Optimum health to me is experiencing wellness on every level of being physically, mentally, emotionally, intellectually, sexually and spiritually connected.

Balance.  Being present, aware…

I’ll feel a bit of fear creeping in and try harder still.

Ultimately that freakin’ rabbit hole appears and I find my balance in jeopardy and rather precarious.

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Still I keep taking more on and the expectations I hold myself to are perhaps a little bit too much at times.  I stare across the landscape of my being and see a tapestry of repairs and quick fixes as ideas and thoughts assail me from every angle.

“Don’t eat white food.”

“Don’t eat carbs after 12 noon.”

“Walk 10,000 steps daily!”

“Just move!”

“Live in the moment…now!”

“Don’t panic!”

“That person I saw in the blue car had an interesting face.”

“Put everything out to the universe…surrender.”

“Just breathe!”

“Good energy…good energy…good energy…”

“Positive energy will come back in abundance.”

“Just love…love dammit…Just Love!”

“Will this be returned?”

“Don’t think like this! Be positive!”

“Why do I feel like crying?”

“I should be happy, shouldn’t I?”

All of these things ran through my head in quick successeion as I took my Christmas Tree down, boxed up everything and cleaned.

Odd what moves through my mind at any given moment.

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I wanted to get the house ship shape so to speak and stopped when the pain in my back was unbearable.

Still I did manage to get quite a bit done.  I pushed forward focusing on some other things that required my attention.

It was back to work and the week has been a productive one.

And I sitting here feeling disenchanted, heavy, obtuse, irrelevant and foolish?

Why?

Placing my fingers against my temples I gently rub my forehead.  “Please, just go away.  I don’t want to feel these things.”

I just want to live and do so fully.

I checked out Banyen Books events page.  They have some interesting spiritual talks coming up.  Perhaps I need to start there.

Often we think that if we start with physical self the rest will follow.  Perhaps I’ll start with repairing my spiritual centre and work on the physical aspect at the same time.

Onward.  Namaste.  Peace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Man Who Talks to God


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The view from my sofa

I’ve had a lovely holiday season thus far.  I’ve visited with family and friends.  I’ve attended a few gatherings that remind me how fortunate I am.

This has been a tough year.  Yet for all the challenges I’ve had they’ve provided insight into some of the areas I need to focus on.  One of them is most definitely my health and well being.  I’ve got to take back the level of health I was enjoying just a couple of years ago.

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The gal pals from school.

I woke early yesterday.  I didn’t have any coffee which is unusual for me.  I’d meant to pick it up the day before.  These days, however, if I curl up the sofa with my Canucks  blanket tucked about my person then chances of stepping out into the cold again are slim to none.

I bargained with myself that I’d do it first thing in the morning.

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Walking down through the 4th Street overpass yesterday morning shortly after 7:00 AM.

At 7:00 AM I slipped from bed and dressed to go for a walk.  Two hours later I arrived back home.  I’d walked the length of the Quay from the 4th Street Overpass down to the end of New West Waterfront Esplanade.  I’d stopped at Angelina’s for breakfast then I traipsed over the Quayside Drive overpass and stopped at Safeway to pick up my coffee.  Then toddled back home.

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Walking along the Westminster Pier Park walkway watch the sun come up 

I was in pain, though it was moderate.  I know for the next little while any activity I do will leave me in pain, but you know, I just gotta do it.  The alternative is worse.

I then went and had my hair trimmed up and decided to head to downtown Vancouver to use some of the gift cards I received for Christmas.

This is the first shopping trip I’ve made to downtown Vancouver this year which is really odd for me.  My daughter and I decided to meet up and have dinner later in the afternoon as well.

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Out by where I’m now working in Steveston 

I arrived downtown around 1:30 PM.  It has been so beautiful out and the mountains were just glorious!  I decided to have a gander at the new kid on the block being Nordstroms.  It actually looks very much like the one in Seattle.  It is bright, open and accommodating.  It is also outside of my price range.

Still they’ve made every attempt to make customers feel very comfortable regardless of their income.  On the second level is a bar where I watched three men taking photos of their Ceasars! I suppose there is a novelty to this idea of having a drink while you’re out shopping right in the store.

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Canada Place a couple of weeks ago at the Charity Breakfast

I smiled then wondered how much they’d given their wives to spend.  They may well need another drink.

Nordstoms is competing with Holt Renfrew and The Bay in the downtown core.  I’m sure they’ll do well.

I checked out Old Navy then it was on to MAC.  I stopped in at various stores along the way.  I’m on the hunt for some good work shoes for the docks out in Steveston.  Uggs had a nice pair that was just a little too expensive at this time coming in at $255.

I’ll head over to the outlet stores in Queensborough to see if I can find a deal.

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The mountains covered in snow yesterday at 4:30 PM

I made my way down Robson to Burrard then headed toward Mahoney & Sons on the water where I would be meeting my daughter.  I definitely got my 10,000 steps in and I was feeling it.  I was now in need of a bathroom.  I went into the Royal Centre Mall and could not find a public washroom at all.  The Hyatt Regency Lobby claimed to have facilities but I could not find them.  I was running early so I stopped at the Elephant and Castle deciding to use their facilities, have a pint and rest for a bit.

Pulling out my notebook I began to jot down a few thoughts.  A man sitting a few seats over asked me what I was writing about.  He also told me I had bronchitis when I coughed. I smiled and told that no, I didn’t have this affliction.

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Steveston a couple of weeks ago in the morning

He continued to ask me questions periodically to which I would reply.  A text message made it clear I’d be here a little longer so decided to give up the writing quest and chat with the fellow beside me.  I’ve always enjoyed conversing with people.  I’m seldom intimidated and if the conversation gets uncomfortable, then I politely excuse myself.

He asked me what I thought God was.  Quite the ice breakers.

I told him that to me God was an entity of pure energy that resided within all of us and a.k.a. love.  He spoke of the big bang theory, the collision of light and dark matter.  He spoke of time and our human failings.  It was an interesting conversation.  He told me God speaks through him and that life is about love and compassion.  He went on to tell me that he was clairvoyant as well.

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At the Vancouver Trade & Convention Centre yesterday

Smiling he told me I’m an old soul.  I’ve been told this in the past as well.  He wanted to pay for my drink and buy me another.  I politely declined.  It really wasn’t necessary.  He told me I’d write about him.  I grinned and said yes, I most likely would.  He claimed to have money and lot of it and he was having issues with his family.

We did not exchange names.  There was something very familiar about him though and there was a sadness that resonated through him.  He told me I still have some anger issues.  This is true, though I’m aware and working on these aspects of self.

We spoke about dimensions and the need to get out of the 3rd dimension and into the 4th and beyond.  Now, you may be thinking that he was a little out there.  The odd thing is I’ve been researching all of these things for many years now.

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The world contained at the Vancouver Trade & Convention Centre

Some of the posts I’ve written on this blog deal with these topics as well.

It was time to leave.  I think he would have talked well into the night had I remained.  I wished him well then went to freshen up a bit.  As I left the establishment I noted he was no longer there.

Later when I got home certain parts of this conversation came back to me.  He asked me if I could ask God anything what would it be.  After a few minutes of consideraton I decided that I’d ask if I was done with the health issues I’ve experienced.

The answer was interesting.  If I didn’t want them back then I was in the clear and would live a long life.  And oddly this made sense.

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Winter foliage on the Quay in New West yesterday morning

Now it’s about health and wellness.  I’ve got a long road ahead of me.

The other thing that intrigued me was a comment that he made about the anger issues that are still ongoing.  This is negative energy of which I’m aware.  I described it as peeling back layers of an onion.  You think you’ve dealt with everything only to find yet another issue that needs to be addressed.

“Before you go to sleep tonight, count to eight, then think about the relationship between you father and his dad.  There may be some answers there. ” he instructed.

This struck simply because I never spoke about my family at all and this is indeed a relationship I know very little about.

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Santa’s a little hung up on the Quay in New West yesterday

The conversation had been very much about the great beyond and our place in it.  Dark matter will swallow light if you let it and in many ways he is right in that we are in this struggle currently on our planet.

If we give in to fear and anger it will consume us.  Not a good place to be.

And as I walked down to meet my daughter for dinner I thought of how good it was to converse with a stranger about the state of everything.

And there have been several times in my life when those conversations have indeed steered me in a direction I’d not thought of previously.  Sometimes they open the mind just a little more.

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What a lovely way to commemorate those you loved. Located at the Quay in New West

And sometimes it’s just great chatting with someone you don’t know and will likely never cross paths with again.

Peace.

 

 

 

 

The Obits


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There are a few certainties in this life.  We’ll all pay taxes at some point and we may pay a bundle at that.  Then just as surely as we came into this world, we will all pass from it as well.

I believe it’s what we do between the goal posts of life and death that matters.

When my mother passed away she had lived in relative seclusion up in Fort MacMurray, a northern oil town in Alberta.  For the last ten years of her life she had no phone and contact was made through the writing of letters.  This was sporadic at best.

Mom had a lived a hard life.  It had been filled with heartache and abuse which ultimately led to mental illness.  She was just 69 years old when she died.

I’m now 57 years of age so I’m around the age when she packed up from Edmonton, Alberta and headed north.

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I gave Edmonton a try for three years.  I also gave birth to my daughter there.   In the early 1980’s Edmonton didn’t really have a lot to offer and besides, it was too damn cold!  I returned to Vancouver, BC my birthplace and keeper of my heart.

Mom had moved to Edmonton in the late 1970’s after her marriage fell apart.

I won’t get into that kerfuffle as it was complicated.

I went out to Edmonton later to try and reconnect with her…at least that was my initial goal.

I was something of a basket case myself back in the day.

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In any case, after I left Alberta and returned to BC with my child, mom packed up and headed north.  It was a move I could not comprehend at that time and it would take many years after her death for the full realization and comprehension to come to light.  Sadly it was during the preparations for her ‘funeral’ that many things became glaringly apparent.

And one thing I began to consider was my own morality.

“How do you want to be remembered?” I asked myself one day.

It’s an odd question in a way but it also speaks to the footprint you choose to leave behind.

Mom had been raised  Lutheran so we found a church that followed this faith.  I sat with the good Pastor discussing the memorial and he asked me several questions designed to assist him in preparing a personalized eulogy for her.  The questions were the type that I should have known the answers to.  Sadly, many of them I could not answer.

When I left that day it was with the knowledge that I really didn’t know too much about this woman who had given me life.

Photographs from her youth show a vivacious and spirited beauty.  This was beaten out of her before I had reached my 10th birthday.

How is it that I happened on this train of thought?

Friday evening found me Christmas shopping.  I picked up a few goodies to drop off at  BC Childrens Hospital as well picking up gifts for those that I love and adore.

By 7:30 PM I was done and stopped in at Boston Pizza for a nibble and decided to peruse the local paper.  I used to read the paper daily over breakfast.

Life changed a bit and so did I.   I began rising early and going for a run in the morning.  The newspaper subscription was adjusted to weekends only.

Then weekends began to fill up with social events and workshops so I cancelled it altogether.  Indeed, news comes in so many forms these days.

What I used to enjoy with physical newspapers though is the various reporters and their take on current events.  I would look forward to a certain journalist’s angle on a story.

And you know, it seemed back when I read the paper daily,  life was a little slower then.

Now we are bombarded by news and various media throughout the day.  Something happens and within ten minutes its being reported online.

Back when I did read the paper all those years ago on a daily basis I had gotten into the habit of reading the obituary columns as well.  It’s an odd thing that many of us do.

On Friday evening as I finished my meal I found myself once again glancing through the Obits.  They’ve changed over the years as well.  A photo almost always accompanies the write up and now you can pretty much figure out who has a lot of money to spend and who doesn’t. Some of the obits take up a 1/4 page.  That is expensive, I have no doubt.

And as I considered this I was struck by the sad realization the even in death we equate someone’s monetary stature with the size of the obituary notice.

A strange sensation then rushed over me.  The conversation with the pastor back in 1998, taking mom’s ashes up to a local bar with my sister for ‘one last beer’, the cost of the obituary that was quoted and realizing that the initial message was too expensive  at that time.  And all the unanswered questions of who she really was.

I gazed out the window and watched the traffic move by.  I thought about what I’d want people to say about me and how that would look in print.  I wouldn’t want a lengthy column espousing how fabulous and great I was.  I’m not extraordinary though I’ve met people and have experienced things that have remind me of how fortunate I have been.

I’m just a woman who discovered she had a choice and am exercising this in the most  positive manner I know and that is through love and forgiveness.

I’m a pretty simple gal so I would want to keep simple and this is what I came up with:

Nancy Pilling

February 22, 1958 to_______________________________

She loved and was loved.

Continue her legacy and make it your own.  Just love.

Says it all.

Peace.

A Christmas Wish…


 

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I rose early.

I’ve not done this too much over the last month since I’ve been unemployed, however, I wanted to attend the Pan Pacific’s 28th Annual Christmas Wish Breakfast.

So with a book of poetry (local) and a movie gift card in hand, I stepped out into the dark of morning at 6:20 AM.

A fat full moon hung in luminous beauty on a velvety black sky as rows of white and red headlights blinked in unison in the pre-dawn along the highway.

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I wanted to wish the gang at Rock 101 all the best as well.  I really appreciate listening to them each morning.  They elevate me.  They are so warm and open.

And wow!  It has been a while since I’ve watched the sunrise from downtown Vancouver!  I watched as the Lions now sprinkled with snow turned a beautiful shade of pink just prior to the sun flooding the sky.

The line-up at the Pan Pacific was long and that’s cool.  All of us in attendance were there to give back to those less fortunate.  May everyone have a blessed time over the holidays.

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I will be making my pilgrimage to BC Childrens’ Hospital again this year.  Notification will go up today.

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And it was such a pleasure to meet Willy and Kim.  They’ve been a part of my mornings for a very long time along with Alyece who I met earlier this year.

It’s been a tough one.

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Now I’m turning my focus toward all the good in my life.  all the little things that make my life a little happier, a little more bearable in times such as these, a little more joyful.

And yes, the gang at Rock 101 does contribute to this factor along with my friends, and bearing witness to beautiful sunrise.  It also helps to know that life will always have its ups and downs.  Your character can well be measured by how you manage the pitfalls in your life.

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For me, I keep this heart of mine full to bursting with all the love that it has been afforded.  Indeed, I’m truly blessed.

I’ve a daughter who in many ways saved this soul of mine.  I turned from a path of certain self-destruction to one of redemption and accountability.

And my god, the power of forgiveness!

To let go of the grievances that have plagued me, to rise above the hurt and pain, and release the the fear.

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Priceless.

To grow and expand and realize int really isn’t about me at all.

It is about my connection to everyone and everything that I share this planet with.

Its about respect, about love, peace and the human experience.

At Toastmasters I’ve been informed that my speeches touch them on a very deep level. Christmas wish 016

I am humbled.  This moves me in ways you cannot imagine.

I have fought through the challenges of presenting my person and move toward wanting to make a positive impact and truly make a difference in some form.

I’ll keep trying.  Rick Hansen asked this of all us back in 2012 that were invited to run with him.  I take this request to heart.

I just finished a delightful salad at The Reach and I’m feeling incredibly emotional.  It’s a good thing though.   A release of sorts.

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Sometimes reminding myself that I’m part of this collective we call humanity is overwhelming.

I want to embrace and discard all the pain and suffering in this world as unreasonable as that sounds.  I want to ensure that everything will be okay.

The fact that I’m here, alive and pushing toward life, demanding that its essence fill me…

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Knowing that I am loved.

Is this not the greatest gift?

So I’ll keep on, keepin’ on.

Expansion will come the more I immerse myself with this world that surrounds me.  In manner that is positive with no expectations.

I can only offer…does not mean what I give will be accepted.

And never is there any remorse or ill will that what I offer has been rejected.

Know it will always be there.  What has been offered will never be removed.

That is the truth of where our humanity lays.

So Many Choices…


 

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I’ve been absent from this forum over the last few months.  It’s not a question of having nothing to say.  I’ve always got something to say.  These days I’m slowing down a bit to decide the best method to deliver what it is I want to convey and, in fact, I’ve been considering the message itself.

I’m learning little by little how to navigate in this world of social media.  I’ve read many posts and watched podcasts.  I’ve hooked up Hootesuite but still don’t really know how to use it.  My daughter will give me a crash course at some point.

My health is improving but now I need to really focus on getting myself back into shape.

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I still have lingering symptoms from the cancer treatment.   As I approach two years of being cancer free,  it is a milestone. This time frame in terms of recovery is particularly important for those having suffered Uterine Cancer.  If the cancer is to reoccur, it is usually within two years after the initial diagnosis and treatment.

I’ll be checking out the iMRS Swiss Bionic Energy Mat next Wednesday.  I’d like to find out a bit more about this and I know a couple who offer treatments.  So I may very well go for a treatment to see if it will help regenerate healthy tissue and repair some of the internal damage I know exists.

It is my understanding that notable improvement can occur after just one treatment.  Considering the issues I’ve had with my back since the car accident earlier in the year, this may provide some of the relief I’ve been seeking.  After all if I want to become active again, I need to find a way to manage the pain threshold so that I can rebuild.

I’ve been exercising my shutterbug passions and practicing hard at public speaking.  Where this will take me, I’m not certain but I’ll be prepared.

These days the focus is on where I want to go with my life.  There are several options and I have to decide which one not only serves me best but that allows me to give back in the manner that I want to.  I’ve been developing ideas and now I need to implement them.

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Stay tuned!

Talking to Myself


 

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This year has blown by like an unforgiving force of mythological proportions.  In many ways the perfect storm.

I look in the mirror and indeed the reflection that stares back at me shows the appearance of someone having weathered some rather extreme cold fronts.

But look a little closer.  The eyes are still on fire, the head has a million ideas running through it and this heart still wants to love, needs to love…

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I was at my last session with the kinesiolgist earlier this evening.  Jae pushed me hard.

And yet, in my head, I still can’t accept that this is all I can do.

I’m remembering such a short time ago when the exercises I did this evening wouldn’t have even broken a sweat.  I’ve got some work to do.

And I told Jae that I may never get back to the level I was at before…but at least I’m alive and I can move.  Sure, it still hurts but hell, I’ve got to keep trying.

And on the same note I can’t accept what’s happening to me.

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I will be competing in a speaking contest of all things.  Telling a Tall Tale.  Never saw myself doing this.  And yet, I’ve challenged myself to speak as well as I write.  To become a storyteller in every sense of the word.  To have fun, to share some expressions, to leave people I’ve shared my ideas with reason to pause and reflect.

My home is still under construction as am I.  Works in progress both of us.  Life being coy and whimsical.  At times I feel so inadequate and foolish.

I’ve worked so hard to move from such notions.  Perhaps its best to just embrace those moments when I don’t feel I fit into my life very well at all.  Reality can at times be a bitch when the dream seems so close to fruition.

Pulled back, teasingly.  ‘Work harder.’

Decisions are made.  Desperate, wanting…

Decisions are reached.  Calmly, with forethought…

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And I slip into bed with a sore arm, a back tied in knots and legs cramping.  Stories are rushing through me and chase me into slumber.

And I’m working, working, working…

Trying to organize my time, trying to organize my life, trying to just live, just be.

At the gym Jae instructed me to do crunches but to have ‘fun’ with them.

“Make a gun with your hands.” he instructed showing me and placing his hands over his head.

“Now come up, pause and shoot between your legs.”

This is weird I decided.

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“Think of someone you’d like to shoot, that you don’t like.” he encouraged. ” like…your husband?”

“No…”I didn’t mention I wasn’t married.  Mute point.

“I don’t like guns, Jae. And there really is no one I want to shoot…hypothetically.”

I spoiled the fun, I guess.

Still I’m in this odd space these days and like everything…I’ll learn and grow.

Peace.

 

 

Sex Sells


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Do you want a better, longer lasting, more fulfilling orgasm?

Do you feel you current ‘explosions’ of passion are not really lifting off and are well…somehow lacking?

Do you sometimes wonder if you’ve ever reached the pinnacle of sexual arousal and release?

If you have said “yes” to any of the above then its very likely you’ve never reached the height of sexual pleasure that you deserve!

Well, have I got news for you!

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That’s how most ads begin. The promise of skyrockets in flight and many more untold pleasures, at least the more provocative commercials anyway.

The idea with any marketing campaign is to make the consumer feel as if we are missing out. With the product and or ‘secret knowledge’ or both your life will be transformed.

And that is the key to any successful marketing campaign is selling the experience or guaranteed results of whatever it is you’ve been convinced will transform you and/or your life.

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With regard to sex, all you have to do is watch the CIALIS or VIAGRA commercials as couples gleefully begin to have sex in the morning and afternoon once again and the men dance gaily down the street now that they can produce a hard-on once more!

A little suspect, don’t you think? And for the record there are many reasons why men may experience erectile dysfunction, diet, stress, drug and alcohol abuse, just to name a few.

Still it’s not unusual for couples to fall into a repetitive routine when it comes to sex. Find what works and run with it. Only problem with taking this approach is that it can lead to a rather boring, mundane and lack luster sexual experience.

Its finding those moments when you both move outside your comfort zone and experiment that you may well find the desired spice you’re seeking.

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For many people, rather than work on this aspect of the relationship, they begin to look elsewhere.

If you’ve been in a relationship where the sex was fabulous and frequent and now find it sadly lacking there are any number of issues that could have contributed to this. Stress is likely at the top of the list.

Having a career, a mortgage, children, daycare, and kazillion other activities demanding attention…the luxury of sex can be reduced to a half hour in bed before you go to sleep at night.

Many have stated that those who signed up with ‘ASHLEY MADISON’ have gotten their justice deserved.

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The latest report is that the site was hacked by someone who worked on the inside or at one time did and knew how to expose 37 milliion customers.

In truth I consider the site itself to be quite pathetic; however, I am very dismayed and shocked at the breach that occurred. That someone took it upon themselves to exploit this website for whatever condescending reasons, certainly didn’t take into consideration the residue effect this would have on the family members of Ashely Madison’s clients’.

Most notably the children.

Now cheating of any kind may be considered reprehensible in a purist society.  We are anything but. Look around you’ll see that it is happening everyday and occurs frequently on a large scale in all forms. In schools, at the workplace just to mention two problem areas.

sex 2It the sell job we entice society with.

Buy into the marriage machine and have the 2.5 children, the job, the house and fully is finding this isn’t quite what they had in mind.

Then you find that it’s not quite what you had anticipated.

You want the thrill, the instant gratification…you want something better

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But sex sells. It always has and likely always will. The illusion of a coupling so completely wild and uninhibited; free of guilt…free of fear…free of thought.

There is something very simple and primitive in the sexual act that is deeply beautiful in my mind.

The way by which we are attracted to one another is so random at times.

Through tens of thousands of years of evolution though we’ve managed to clutter and confuse the very idea of sex.

BERLIN, GERMANY - AUGUST 22:  Furry enthusiasts attend the Eurofurence 2014 conference on August 22, 2014 in Berlin, Germany. Furry fandom, a term used in zines as early as 1983 and also known as furrydom, furridom, fur fandom or furdom, refers to a subculture whose followers express an interest in anthropomorphic, or half-human, half-animal, creatures in literature, cartoons, pop culture, or other artistic contexts. Many but not all of the followers of the movement wear furry animal costumes. The earliest citation of anthropomorphic literature regularly cited by furry fans is Aesop's Fables, dating to around 500 BC.  (Photo by Adam Berry/Getty Images)

BERLIN, GERMANY – AUGUST 22: Furry enthusiasts attend the Eurofurence 2014 conference on August 22, 2014 in Berlin, Germany. Furry fandom, a term used in zines as early as 1983 and also known as furrydom, furridom, fur fandom or furdom, refers to a subculture whose followers express an interest in anthropomorphic, or half-human, half-animal, creatures in literature, cartoons, pop culture, or other artistic contexts. Many but not all of the followers of the movement wear furry animal costumes. The earliest citation of anthropomorphic literature regularly cited by furry fans is Aesop’s Fables, dating to around 500 BC. (Photo by Adam Berry/Getty Images)

It certainly is the way by which we procreate. No argument there, however, we are the only know species that actually mates because we fucking well love it!

Yet we’ve taken that knowledge and twisted it into all kinds of misinformation.

Why, for example, do we still find it so difficult to talk to our children about the sexual act and all the emotions and feelings that go with it?

A few years back a friend of mine had tickets to the ‘Taboo: Naughty but Nice’ exhibition here in Vancouver. We toddled off and entered 20,000 sq. ft. of all things sexual.

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Spanking 101, Bondage 101, Extreme Bondage, 202, How to Talk Dirty…effectively. Playmates with boob jobs that were huge and of disproportionate excess strolled the aisles encouraging the masses of nervous and wide-eyed people to relax and enjoy.

Now I’m naturally well-endowed and have found the girls get in the way at times…particularly when I’m trying on clothing. I can’t imagine having or wanting the basketballs these gals had implanted.

And as I pondered how uncomfortable melons of that size would be, a young woman smiled at me and ventured into my path. I smiled back.

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She stepped forward now and with conspiratorial tone she asked, “Have you ever been at work and suddenly felt extremely horny and wondered what to do?” Pausing impishly she asked if I’d like to know how to remedy such a situation.

I smiled “Do tell.” I encouraged.

My friend and I followed her over to her booth where she slipped a tiny vibrator onto her finger.

“Just excuse yourself to the restroom facilities, drop your drawers and have at her…” she cooed as the mini-vibrator was applied over her clothing in the vaginal area rather suggestively.

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It operated on a tiny battery found in some camera’s and calculators.

The cost of $75 was a little steep in my mind. I’m an accountant and in all honesty I can’t recall a time when I’ve ever gotten horny looking at a number.

Even why a young man stood unabashedly naked in the building across from us, I found it more amusing rather than a turn on.

I thought of other times when I was out and about and the need for quick fix for a turn on had arisen. In the end we thanked her and carried on.

There were multi-coloured penis made out everything imaginable. We came to a table with several hundred rings of various shapes and sizes. The sales man launched in to the hard sell. And yes, I did just go there!

I must admit, by the time he stopped to inhale and take another breath, I’d learned more than I’ve ever wanted about penis rings. Sadly I confessed to him that I had no penis in my life to place ring on.

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By the end of our sojourn into the world of sexual accessories I was anything but stimulated.

At the end of the day, remember that sex is beautiful energy to be shared.  And you make it what it should be.

Nothing more…nothing less.  Enjoy.