A Thought or Two or Three or…..Part One


I got to thinking about oppression.

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Of what it does to an individual, what it does to groups and the lasting impact it can have on a society.  Globally oppressed states have a tendency at times to become radicalized.

These are, of course, my thoughts and observances that I’m jotting down here.  I try to look at this world with thoughtful contemplation.  Sometimes this is not always the case though.

Sometimes it is just with a sense of sadness and at other times with hope and wonderment.  I prefer the latter.

There has been a shift lately with with the #metoo and #timesup movements.  They’ve had a powerful effect and so they should.  In fact, it is long overdue.

And it is not just those of us who’ve been assaulted or preyed upon sexually.  It is about being categorized as ‘less than’ or viewed as an ‘accessory’.

I too have been sexually assaulted and been made to feel as if my worth in this world was of little to no importance.  And I know the percentage of women who have experienced these issues as well is staggering.

I was watching a news feature on CBC last week.  Iranian women were standing in public , their hijab on sticks being waved in the air as if to surrender.

It was anything but!

You see they were protesting against the laws in Iran that make it compulsory for a woman to wear the hijab while in public.

The first woman to do this was promptly arrested.  So began the protests and the campaign of #whereisshe?

February 11th, 2018 marked the 39th year since Iran made it a law that a woman cannot go out in public without wearing the hijab.   I have included the link to an article on this subject at the bottom of this page.  To date about 29 women have been arrested and it is likely exceeded that number at this writing.

Oppression of women has been a global issue for thousands of years, if not from the beginning of our time.  And I wonder why this is?

There are men now feeling a little intimidated by this movement.  To those men who feel they are being ‘silenced’ I say this.

What you feel is but a shadow of what many women have lived with for thousands of years.

We have lived our lives in fear, lived our lives without a voice and have had to abide by laws forbidding us rights over our own bodies.  And this is just the tip of the sexual divide.  And that women in areas of this world still cannot show their face in public and are circumcised (mutilation of female genitalia) in this day and age is so very tragic.

Men will never know the full impact of how they’ve treated their counterparts as there really are no words.

What we need to do is move forward.  It starts from the cradle.  We need to teach and build that education on respect, love and equality.

Let’s give it a try, okay?

 

 

http://theconversation.com/how-iran-uses-a-compulsory-hijab -law-to-control-its-citizens-and-why-they-are-protesting-91439

 

 

 

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Get Outta My Head…And Into My Car!


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Alright then, the title is a play on words from a Billy Ocean song from years past.   The idea that sometimes I am too much in my head…that I over analyse a situation or an idea.  I’ve been accused of this many times.

And yes, dammit!  I confess!  It’s true.

I’m sitting here on this beautiful Sunday morning with the window to my office open.  I’ve had a thousand things running through this head of mine as I stare at the computer screen.  I should go for a walk.

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I should write more.

I should plan my out my seven minute speech on sex, though I already know what it is I plan to discuss, however, I want to leave the audience, which will be Douglas College students, with a thoughtful impression.

I want to discuss ‘consent’.  This word gets bandied about quite a bit in sexual assault cases.

It isn’t relevant what someone is ‘into.’  What is important is that they discuss this with their potential partners.

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Of course, I’m thinking about the Jian Ghomeshi trial that recently wrapped up. He was aquitted as the three women who came forward were considered ‘deceptive & manipulative’ in their evidence.

This is where Ghomeshi should have enlightened the women as to what his sexual preferences are.  Now, some women may be curious, just as some men would be about trying something a little risky.

It is, however, imperative that if you know that your sexual preferences could be considered outside the ‘normal’ realm, then you need to convey this to potential partners.  Never mind that….we all need to talk to our partners!

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In short, each of us, men and women, have a responsibility to NOT make assumptions.

The other thing I want to discuss is the shame factor and the way by which women are still ‘blamed’.

I call it this because in many ways it is just that.  Phrases such as ‘she was asking for it’ come to mind.  Or ‘look how she was dressed’.

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If someone, anyone is dressed provocatively this is not an invitation to be sexally exploited.  If someone is highly intoxicated or on drugs of some kind,  then consent is really not possible.

Women are sexually assaulted all the time.  The majority do not come forward.  Many feel they brought it on themselves.  They’d had one too many and made a few really bad choices.  Choices that will unfortunately have an impact on them for the rest of their lives.

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And here we are in the 21st Century.  We’ve been to space and back and we’ve developed amazing technologies.  Yet when it comes down to interacting with each other on a fundamental level the great divide still exists.

Well time to get back to doing tax stuff.  Enjoy your day.

 

 

A Thing Called Trust…Scandalous!


October 31, 2014

6.  They're out for blood

 

It is Halloween in these parts and I have just safely made my way back to the homestead despite the streets crawling with ghostly goblins and ghoulish devils. Of course there were the tiny superheroes and dinosaurs traipsing about as well.

The adult variety began to hit the streets as the little ones slipped off to inspect their haul.

Well dressed leopards and debonair tigers walked hand in hand to local pubs and restaurants to celebrate some playful events that were underway. We have a Paddlewheeler boat that offers cruises up and down the Fraser River.

I went for a walk along the boardwalk and saw the boat decked out in webbing with an eerily lit backdrop. Catwoman, a cowgirl and a witch were having a debate of sorts.

I will be donning ghoulish attire tomorrow as I am attending a costume party.

It’s been a busy week at the office and I am convinced that the dot matrix printer they have is indestructible. Those things never seem to quit, do they? I’m looking forward to saying a fond fair well to the thing.

They never agreed with me and so you can understand my reticence at using them and yes, I admit that I am somewhat intimidated by the thing as well.

Make a mistake and there is no stopping them. They grind through paper horrifically sounding much like a buzz saw.

In any case, tomorrow is another day and I will have to summon up the courage to once again attempt to dominate the damn thing or at least get it to play along.

During dinner I listened to the news of the day.

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A scandal is brewing. A CBC personality, Jian Ghomeshi was fired a week ago. Apparently it has something to do with his sexual preferences, sexual play, etc., and the roughness of it?  Seems he gets off on choking and smacking women in the face.

In any case, Ghomeshi filed a $50 million dollar law suit against the CBC for the firing and wants his job back.  He also posted a 1,000 word defensive on his Facebook page. Hmmm.

He went on his Facebook page and stated that all his sexual encounters were consensual, and so on, and so on.

Jian states that he has been exploring BDSM. And that’s cool. I’ve no problem with that. Whatever two people (or three, or four, or…) choose to do is totally up to them, as long as it’s consensual.

Well, here we are five days later and nine women have come forward to claim they were subjected to demeaning and violent behavior that was not consensual. Some of these events occurred as far back as ten years.

Yet none of them filed charges.

Now personally I don’t fully understand the dominate and submissive relationship but in all fairness I will not judge anyone based on what rocks their world. And who am I to say what should or should not occur intimately between two consenting adults?

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I am currently writing my second book, a fiction, that is in fact exploring these very issues. I am actually quite curious about how we arrive at our sexual preferences. It is the ultimate human mystery, is it not?  I guess what intrigues me the most is the wide spectrum of avenues that encompass the sexual experience.

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We are all looking for the ulitmate Big-O. How we achieve this sexual peak is as varied as the mythological component of what it should in fact be.

Orgasms vary as much as our sexual appetites and they are never the same.   Sometimes they are amazingly intense and then they can be slow and subtle in their release.

Back in the 1990’s during a year long depression that engulfed me, I read over 200 romance novels. In truth, I don’t know why as I am not all that fond of romance novels.  In the course of that year, however, I gained a knowledge of this writing formula and began to recognize the pattern very clearly and came to understand why some stories didn’t work and why others were quite enjoyable.

Still what drove me a little nuts were the ‘love’ scenes.

Every fucking virgin in those books was impaled by the man she really hated but secretly wanted and had orgasms that were incredibly explosive. Oh, they saw stars and understood the secret to life in that moment and were inexplicitly tied forever to this man and he was in kind tied to her.

Did they live happily ever after? Well, first you have to ask your self does that indeed exist?

In my world, not bloody likely.

But we can debate that. To me happiness is a state of mind that comes in varying degrees. I do know that if you’ve experienced sadness and pain, you’ll appreciate happiness that much more. In fact, you’ll hold it so close to you that at times you’ll want to covet it.

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Happiness is and always has been what we all seek, yes?

And like everything in this life how that looks to each of us varies incredibly so.

So if you like your sex rough, enjoy the sting of a spanking then good on you.

More extreme?  That’s fine too.

In the interviews I’ve conducted in order to develop characters that are honest in their sexuality, what I’ve found is that the most important aspect in these relationships is trust.

Verbally what a dominant and submissive agree upon is really sacred between them. In fact, it is the key to their relationship.

If you stand back and take a general look at all relationships they are or should be based upon this principle.  It is key.

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Sometimes though when it goes sideways, we want so much for things to snap back to that beautiful beginning, that enticing moment that briefly had us believing that this was the real deal.  In fact we may well have hungered for it.  As a result we consequently stick our heads proverbially in the sand refusing to see that what began to blossom has now been lost.

Perhaps some of these women thought they’d like to explore this side of their sexuality.  It has that taboo to it.  It’s mysterious and to some degree, incredibly provocative.

We hear things and develop a curiosity. There is that wonder if we are in fact missing out on making the Big-O even better.  If we’re not experiencing these dynamic orgasms several times during our sexual play then surely we are missing something, aren’t we?

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Cosmopolitan magazine has been recycling the same information in their articles for years on how to pleasure a man and have the ultimate orgasm.

During my youth I read these articles and tried desperately to build the mystery of sexual prowess based upon such initiatives.

Sex education really didn’t exist in my youth and sadly many of us along with the younger generation are still very much  ill informed.

What I have come to understand is that through the intimate exploration of yourself will you begin to divine the truth of your own sexuality.

As my daughter began to move through the pains of adolescence to that of a young woman, copies of Cosmo began to litter the kitchen table. I would peruse the pages and yes, much of what I’d read at her age was still contained within the confines of the magazine though the words had been tossed about to make the ideas seem new and fresh.

Sadly, I found the deal for women even more challenging.

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The standard to be sexually desirable had risen to exacting standards.

What was happening to us?

And as the chains of sexual preferences began to loosen and we began to accept and even ponder more extreme sexual behaviours, many of us thought to explore this realm.

I can recall dating a fellow a few times in Edmonton. I was about 21 years old at the time. I didn’t have a clue about the dominant / submissive thing as this was still very much in the closet and personally, I’d never heard of such things.

So things were getting hot and heavy by the third date or so. A lot of kissing and heavy petting began to take place. We directed it into his bedroom.

The room was dark as we fell onto the bed.  He stopped then and rose to turn on the light.  The red glow of the bulb caused a shiver to run up my spine as I took in my surroundings.

Rubber sheets adorned the bed and one wall painted a dark brown was adorned with whips, cuffs, ropes, etc.

He asked if I’d like to explore this. I was rather horrified and offered up a flat out ‘No’ and I collected my belongings to take my leave. I didn’t have a predilection for this.

He was gracious and at no time did he try to force anything on me.

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The idea of someone hurting me for pleasure was not something I understood, nor did I want to explore these merits.

Now I come back to this Jian Ghomeshi thing.  Nine women have come out, not to the police, but through social media claiming abuse.

The police have launched an investigation asking these women to provide them with information.  No charges have been laid at this time.

And I’m pissed off.

Jian, get it together. If you have a preference…lay it out. Make it clear what floats your boat.  Is what you’re into really sexual exploration or are you just a sick fuck that likes to hurt and scare the shit out of women?

To the women, yes, I know he is a celebrity and he’s attractive. If you were curious about this experience and it went sideways then guess what?  You are like so many of us.

Then there is the shame factor. You know, I get it. I’ve put myself into positions that were frightening and hate to admit my gullability.

What I am trying to say is that we make mistakes. We find ourselves in the midst of something that was not anticipated and we don’t know how to respond.

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I must ask Jian this question.   You claim to be  ’50 Shades’ but much softer.

For the record in my opinion, ’50 Shades’ is a badly written romance, nothing more.

If this really is your preference then you really need to conduct yourself accordingly and show some respect for your partners.  And for the record, it’s not just about your pleasure.  As stated, if you get off on smacking women around, then you might well have a sadistic side to you that borders onto sociopathic behaviours and has nothing to do with sexual preference.

Those individuals that I’ve come to know who involve themselves in these activities are highly intelligent and loving.  They hold themselves to a very high standard

What I’m pissed off about is that Jian Ghomeshi  seemingly thinks he can have his way in every instance…and I’m pissed off that one of these women didn’t come forward sooner.

It strikes a bad cord with me. Are we, as women, still just fucking victims?

Is this when we feel empowered when some schmuck is spiraling downward? Do we now feel vindicated?

That Jian left so many women with this feeling of remorse and shame over their encounter speaks only to our disconnect and shows that we are no further ahead than we were 25, 35 or 50 years ago.

And for any woman or man for that matter, that finds themselves in a sexual encounter of sorts that becomes abusive and that they did not consent to, then leave and go to your nearest medical facility to be checked over and then file charges.

You just may save someone’s life.

 

**NOTE:  I’ve taken several of the images for this piece from the internet.  I Googled ‘images sexuality’ and was amazed by the number of book covers I found there.  It also struck me on how much of a mystery our sexuality still it.