An Epiphany…of Sorts


 

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Dyke Rd. in Richmond, BC  Feb. 16, 2016

 

I’ve been absent from this forum.  I know.

Yet surely you’ve experienced those moments when a thousand words fought for a voice within you.  Thoughts and ideas raced at break-neck speed wanting to take shape yet you kept them in the shadows.

I’ve been in that mind set as of late.

Writing projects, good ones, halted.  Why?  I don’t know.

I’m filling up my schedule.  More demands.  More commitments.  More challenges.  Why?  I don’t know.

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I stare at the screen and type a few words then question their meaning.  Why?  I don’t know.

Direction and balance are the things that I’m seeking.  And while I understand, to some degree why, I can say I really am not certain where to go from here.

A year ago I released my book.  And I am so proud and humbled by this achievement.  The last year was a tough one though.  An vehicle accident messed up my back and a work situation became intolerable as a result.

Agony.  It is nothing new.

Why then did I simply accept it as fact?

Change came as it must.

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Am I trying to organize my life too much?  Perhaps.

What I must distinguish is the things that I can influence and the things that I can only pray and hope will change.  Then I need to point myself in the right direction.

And that, my friends, is the $64,000 dollar question. Which way?

The rain is falling.  Been raining a lot as of late.

And I want, I need…

So many things, so many patches have covered this makeshift heart of mine that simply loves and expands.

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Mornings find me buying Tom (our local schizophrenic) his coffee then searching for the sunrise.

I drive past absurd estates in Richmond on my way to work then find myself driving along the rivers edge.

Herons, Eagles, Seagulls, Crows, etc. fly in uniform.

And always I’m treated to and blessed by the differences that each day offers.

Photographs are taken as I take in the beauty and challenge of each day.

And I wish…God knows, I wish…

Never say ‘what if?’

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Every once in a while though, I say just that.

I’m still here.  Still looking at this world each day with wonder, still wanting, still needing, still hoping…

 

 

 

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So Many Choices…


 

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I’ve been absent from this forum over the last few months.  It’s not a question of having nothing to say.  I’ve always got something to say.  These days I’m slowing down a bit to decide the best method to deliver what it is I want to convey and, in fact, I’ve been considering the message itself.

I’m learning little by little how to navigate in this world of social media.  I’ve read many posts and watched podcasts.  I’ve hooked up Hootesuite but still don’t really know how to use it.  My daughter will give me a crash course at some point.

My health is improving but now I need to really focus on getting myself back into shape.

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I still have lingering symptoms from the cancer treatment.   As I approach two years of being cancer free,  it is a milestone. This time frame in terms of recovery is particularly important for those having suffered Uterine Cancer.  If the cancer is to reoccur, it is usually within two years after the initial diagnosis and treatment.

I’ll be checking out the iMRS Swiss Bionic Energy Mat next Wednesday.  I’d like to find out a bit more about this and I know a couple who offer treatments.  So I may very well go for a treatment to see if it will help regenerate healthy tissue and repair some of the internal damage I know exists.

It is my understanding that notable improvement can occur after just one treatment.  Considering the issues I’ve had with my back since the car accident earlier in the year, this may provide some of the relief I’ve been seeking.  After all if I want to become active again, I need to find a way to manage the pain threshold so that I can rebuild.

I’ve been exercising my shutterbug passions and practicing hard at public speaking.  Where this will take me, I’m not certain but I’ll be prepared.

These days the focus is on where I want to go with my life.  There are several options and I have to decide which one not only serves me best but that allows me to give back in the manner that I want to.  I’ve been developing ideas and now I need to implement them.

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Stay tuned!

Fork in the Road


Indecision.  I have been experiencing a little bit of that in the past week or so.  I am just trying to grind through.  Lately too, when I run and do a workout there is a heaviness at times.  Still I grind through.  I am thinking of the things I want to set into motion.  I am looking at my motives for exploring these paths.   The reasoning has to have an honesty to it.  There can be no ego attached to these undertakings.  In other words, what I want to set in motion is not self-serving.  At the same time, through every experience we encounter it should and will affect us in some way, yes?  So from these undertakings I have been looking at what I hope to garner from them is wisdom and a kinder, gentler and more expansive sense of self.

The other issue I have been pondering is what if these events bottom out before they get started?  What if the vision that I see for their potential doesn’t occur?  How would I treat this?  Again, I have to make sure ego is out of the equation.  Perhaps I should just treat this as an opportunity to grow and expand my humanness regardless of the outcome.  Only so much of this can be controlled on my end.  The response to my plans is the wild card so to speak.

At the end of the day, I simply have to just put it out there.  Have everything organized to the best of my ability so that should it come to fruition and blossom into the event I see I will be prepared.  I will have at least made a genuine attempt.  Then again, if it doesn’t work the first time round, there may be lessons learned that will give rise to further opportunities to expand on the idea.

I was running on Saturday morning with my daughter and feeling the fatigue more than usual.  I smiled at this though because not every run is one that is absolutely fabulous.  Sometimes I really have to work at it.  At the end of the run though the feeling of accomplishment is  appreciated that much more.  This concept really does mirror life to a certain degree.  Not everything is easy, not everything flows with a natural rhythm.  I usually have had to work hard at something so I don’t take things for granted.  I don’t make assumptions.

On those mornings when the body slips into a run with such ease and the energy is light and I feel like I could run forever, then I can love even more the times that I struggled because I get to experience moments like this that are just so stellar.

There are so many metaphors to describe a life but there is only one person living it.  I want to live my to its fullest potential and the funny thing is I don’t really know at this point what that means precisely or what it looks like. But when I leave this world I hope I will have the answer to that.  Right now I am looking to serve the greater good.  By that I mean that I hope my actions will contribute to improving the human condition in some way, large or small.   For every path that opens there are several offshoots on the direction you can take at any given time.  Yours to explore.  Yours to develop.

Happy Summer Everyone!