Lest We Forget? War and the Cost.


November 11, 2018

Wars have, in many ways, shaped our world and defined the borders we’ve put up.

Wars have dictated how we live our lives based on the rules of combat and dependent upon who our leader was and who won the battle.  Here in Canada, we’ve been fortunate.

It is the strategy of becoming the most effective killing machine on a collective basis with your troops sent out to take out the enemy.

Our enemy, which does and will likely always exist, wants to silence us.  Our enemy doesn’t want us to think freely or prosper.  Nor do they want us to be educated.

Our enemy wants to suppress our existence into what they dictate we should or shouldn’t think or feel, and to serve their wants and needs and not our own.

Humans are something of a malleable lot indeed.

A persuasive leader and/or dictator can and has convinced the masses under his charge that they are better than those that he opposes or that oppose him.

After all, why should the world not be led by one egocentric ideology?

The thing is, no one race of humans is superior over another.

Yet sadly this line of thinking continues on.  Could it be a factor in our genome?  Were we ‘programmed’ to believe we must conquer those we deem a threat or that we view as being beneath us?

All I know is now and what precipitated our recent history and what we seek to protect.

And there is much to protect.

We are not perfect, nor will we ever be.  Perfection is, after all, an illusion.

Still if we are willing to change for the common good of all, if we are open to reconciling past grievances, if we accept that we’ve made poor judgments…that is a start, isn’t it?

The last few years the term white privilege has been used substantially.

And I will confess, when I first heard this term, I took offense.

My life has not been filled with privilege per sae.  I’ve not had an easy life.

Then I got to thinking.  This isn’t about me.  And perhaps that’s part of the problem.  A comment is made and bam…we go on the defensive.

It is a fact that people with white skin have advantages in society that  people of colour do not have.

 

Being a woman I identify with the ‘me too’ movement on a personal level having suffered far too many abuses.

Did I go to the authorities and demand justice for these offenses?  No.

Why?  Shame and the guilt that I had somehow ‘invited and deserved’ such mistreatment.  I now know I did not deserve such abuse and no one does.

I work daily to emerge wholly from the pains of the past and rise to be a better person.

Understanding, reckoning, and forgiving those who’ve done the hurting and forgiving myself as well.

Could we possibly forget the sacrifices made by those who’ve gone to war and paid the ultimate price for the prosperity and comforts we now enjoy?

I hope not.

Still, let’s look at where we are.

We live in world of excess.  Technology has become the driving force in our world today.  South of the Canadian border Americans are being sold once again on the ‘American Dream’.

Don’t we all want to have a place to call home, a good job and children that will have a better life ahead of them than their parents did?  Don’t we all want that security?

Of course we do, but at who’s expense?

In my youth the ‘dream’ of having a little house with a picket fence, modern appliances and husband with a good job along with a couple of children is what I was encouraged to become.  A house wife.  Didn’t happen.

Doing well in school wasn’t really necessary for a girl at that time.  Knowing how to cook, clean, and mend clothing, better yet if you could sew, were taught in schools.  If a woman was going to go out into the workforce, she should type or take dictation.  Administrative jobs with low pay and long hours were the offerings of the day.

In the 1960’s and 1970’s though, the women’s liberation movement began to demand equality on every level with their counterparts.

Sexuality, economics, and wage parity have been at the forefront for quite some time now.

Back in the day bras were burned, protests held and marches were made in abundance.

And for every step forward women have met resistance.

Is it any wonder that we didn’t come forward with the wrongs that we’d experienced?

We watched women such Anita Hill be persecuted in her attempt to have congress really think about appointing Clarence Thomas to the Supreme Court.  And considering what just took place with Brett Kavanagh, not much has changed in that particular institution, now has it?

One of the most confounding things for me is this love affair American’s have with their guns.

They don’t see that the availability to guns is perhaps an issue.  Why?

And when a man walks into a synagogue and cuts down twelve people.  Call it what it is.  A hate crime.

This is not about mental health issues.

This is about hate.  This is about a current president who, with the continuous diarrhea of rhetorical crap falling from his mouth, has encouraged this type of behavior.

And mass shootings are on the rise in the U.S. and sadly the mention of gun control increases the divide.

Both my grandfather and my father served in the war.

My grandfather in World War 1 and my father in World War 2.

I think of those who fought in wars and I can imagine they must have been scared.

My father never spoke of the war.  Any inquiries made were met with a stony silence.  The glare that followed indicated I should never ask about such things.  Not ever.

And I didn’t.

Still, there those moments when dad was really drunk and things slipped out that gave me a glimpse of his nightmares, his hell.

‘Al – I hate this!  I want to get the fuck out of here Al.  Come on, let’s get the fuck out of here!

Silence.

‘Al?’

Silence.

‘Al – Where your fucking head, Al?!  Al!  Where’s your fucking head!’

It was moments such as this, and they were few and far between, that later enabled me to begin to equate the true cost of war.

It’s not just surviving. He came home with nightmares and a hell that he remained in and they became ours.  He acted out his aggressions in a very violent manner toward his family.

The effects of war continue to trickle into our lives, sometimes flooding us with despair.

No, we cannot forget the cost of war.

Still I wonder if we will ever know peace.

These days one can only imagine.

 

 

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A Truth


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Sunset in Steveston

I sit before this screen thinking about the things I’d like to talk about.  The rush of ideas come fast and furious.  I could surely wax poetic on any number of things; I could rant on any number of issues as well.  There are injustices a plenty that I could champion.

The screen remains empty.

I make my breakfast and pour another cup of coffee.  I gaze out the window at a frozen world.  It’s beautiful.

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The view from my home on Dec 26, 2016

I’m wrapping up a challenging year that was preceded by a few tough years.  I was asked a question at dinner with friends last night ‘What did you take from those experiences, what did you learn?’

Now this was in reference to my bout with cancer and the treatment provided.  It could well apply to the vehicle accident that followed as well.

I responded that we need to ask questions and be kind to ourselves.  And indeed we do. The question remains though.  ‘What did I learn from this?’

And the screen, while I’ve jotted down these thoughts, no answer is readily coming.

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Vancouver from the Ferry in September 2016

I entered 2016 in the metaphorical darkness of depression.  I had felt the all too familiar slide begin.  In truth, I’d been fighting this for quite some time.  2015 had begun with promise.

I was working out with a trainer and running with my group again wanting to take back my health after the cancer thing .  The vehicle accident kibosh-ed my progress.  The pipes in my building flat lined and the building had to be re-piped. For 3 months no hot water. I was attending physiotherapy and the bills began to mount.

My job was stressful yet I kept at it.  Despite the pain, despite the overwhelming cost to fix our building I was beginning to slip.  I’ve never experienced a back injury before and physically my condition was not improving.  I would try to do things, but just walking was an agonizing thing at times.

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A moon to remember

I was living with pain daily.  I wasn’t sleeping.  And I was still recovering from the effects of chemo and radiation.

‘What did I learn from all of this?’

Still an empty screen to this question.

Fear crept in.  Was I going to lose everything I’d worked so hard for?  In many ways I felt completely impotent regarding the direction my life was going.

Did I talk about any of this with anybody?  No.

In my mind, to give it voice would give these feelings validity.  I was in denial.  My financial safety net was gone to the renovations in my building.

I then lost my job.

The quicksand I call depression was pulling me, enveloping me…my strength was gone.

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Sunset December 2016 in Steveston

All of the avenues I’d been exploring…meditation, energy healing, etc. were no longer viable options for me. My head and heart weren’t there.  I was in that all too familiar dark place.

In 2016 I sold my place and recovered some of my costs, though I still have debt, it is now manageable.

I found a condo that is now more of a home than my previous place.  I found another job which I really like.

And a few months back I emerged from the mantle of depression.

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What have I learned from all this?

Perhaps this is an ongoing lesson.  Perhaps the answer has many layers to it.

One thing though, despite the darkness I appreciated and admired every morning that I’ve been graced with.

I still stop and stand in awe of a luminous moon rise and always let those who I’ve been so blessed to have in my life know it.

And I will never give up on myself.  I will never give in to the pain of the past.

There is a balance between the dark and the light that must be found and met.

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I will focus on wellness in 2017.  I will ask for the help that I do in fact need and look to heal and strength my person.

Happy New Year to everyone.

Peace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Silver Linings


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I am a person who will experience an epiphany and suddenly the whole world and my existence in it makes perfect sense.  Yet as quickly as the insight arrived it sinks faster than the Titanic back into the abyss of my subconscious.  And for me it is a shadow that I will try to pursue, try to recover and analyze.

Usually I have no idea what I’m doing or what I’m trying to discover.  And I just realized that is one of the absolute joys in living this life.

Being open and present.

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I would like to say that I’m open to new ideologies. new thoughts, however, I really don’t think there is anything really new about much of the information that draws me in.   The thing that changes is perspective.  Of how we see something, of how we regard our place in this world and participate in it.

For example, back in the day…way, way back human sacrifice to the Gods was acceptable and considered necessary.  The idea of having angry Gods was a frightening factor no doubt.

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And I often have these questions that creep into my mind’s eye regarding our existence.  How is it that we came to chart the stars?  How is it that we came to understand that they would never change and guide us on midnight journeys across foreign lands and oceans?

Back in 1632 Galileo would be tried and found guilty of heresy regarding his findings that the Earth was in fact circular and orbited around the Sun.

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And mathematics has had a long history in this world and just as I ponder how the written word came into being I too wonder how it is that the science of math began its journey as well.  I would think some of the first measurements would have been made by our own appendages of fingers, feet and hands.   Of course cycles such as daily, monthly, seasonal and birthing became recognized.

But how is it that someone decided they wanted to measure the speed of light from one star system to our own?

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Unfortunately a lot of information has been destroyed and lost to us over the millenniums.  And there is apparently information that the powers that be feel we should not be privy to.

I look for the silver linings in pretty much everything.  There is always a lesson to be learned or a fascinating piece of knowledge tucked away.

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If I rise each day with the idea that I’m open to learning, open to discovering more of what constitutes life and its infinite layers then this is a good thing.  And while I know that life has the bookends of birth and death…it is the fabric in between that we weave that fascinates and humbles me.

Namaste.

 

 

 

Talking to Myself


 

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This year has blown by like an unforgiving force of mythological proportions.  In many ways the perfect storm.

I look in the mirror and indeed the reflection that stares back at me shows the appearance of someone having weathered some rather extreme cold fronts.

But look a little closer.  The eyes are still on fire, the head has a million ideas running through it and this heart still wants to love, needs to love…

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I was at my last session with the kinesiolgist earlier this evening.  Jae pushed me hard.

And yet, in my head, I still can’t accept that this is all I can do.

I’m remembering such a short time ago when the exercises I did this evening wouldn’t have even broken a sweat.  I’ve got some work to do.

And I told Jae that I may never get back to the level I was at before…but at least I’m alive and I can move.  Sure, it still hurts but hell, I’ve got to keep trying.

And on the same note I can’t accept what’s happening to me.

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I will be competing in a speaking contest of all things.  Telling a Tall Tale.  Never saw myself doing this.  And yet, I’ve challenged myself to speak as well as I write.  To become a storyteller in every sense of the word.  To have fun, to share some expressions, to leave people I’ve shared my ideas with reason to pause and reflect.

My home is still under construction as am I.  Works in progress both of us.  Life being coy and whimsical.  At times I feel so inadequate and foolish.

I’ve worked so hard to move from such notions.  Perhaps its best to just embrace those moments when I don’t feel I fit into my life very well at all.  Reality can at times be a bitch when the dream seems so close to fruition.

Pulled back, teasingly.  ‘Work harder.’

Decisions are made.  Desperate, wanting…

Decisions are reached.  Calmly, with forethought…

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And I slip into bed with a sore arm, a back tied in knots and legs cramping.  Stories are rushing through me and chase me into slumber.

And I’m working, working, working…

Trying to organize my time, trying to organize my life, trying to just live, just be.

At the gym Jae instructed me to do crunches but to have ‘fun’ with them.

“Make a gun with your hands.” he instructed showing me and placing his hands over his head.

“Now come up, pause and shoot between your legs.”

This is weird I decided.

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“Think of someone you’d like to shoot, that you don’t like.” he encouraged. ” like…your husband?”

“No…”I didn’t mention I wasn’t married.  Mute point.

“I don’t like guns, Jae. And there really is no one I want to shoot…hypothetically.”

I spoiled the fun, I guess.

Still I’m in this odd space these days and like everything…I’ll learn and grow.

Peace.

 

 

Babies and Birth: The Birth of People, Ideas and a Book


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Last Saturday I attended Claire’s baby shower.  I am so very excited for her!  She is totally warming to the idea of motherhood now and getting rather giddy to boot.

I could see that there was a little fear in there too.  I wanted to tell her that this is a very normal response.

When the idea of a new life being born to this world hits a new mother, it can be a very powerful experience mixed with every emotion imaginable and a boatload of hormones to boot.

Claire will be just fine.

I then got to thinking of all the wonderful people I’ve met since I began writing in earnest, Claire being one of them.

She is one of the first people to have read any of my work.

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I had joined up with the New Westminster Writers Group in early February 2011 which was a critique group.  I hunted about now wanting to find another group that would provide additional information on the whole writing thing.  I found the Vancouver Writers Social Group and joined in March of 2011.  They would get together and discuss various topics.  I liked this and found it was the balance I was looking for.

While I had written all my life I can say in all honesty I really didn’t know anything about it.  When terms such as ‘steam punk, fan fiction’ and the like were bandied about I had no clue what these were.  So I listened.  Claire offered to give me some feed back on the memoir I had begun so I sent her the first chapter then met with her a week later at a coffee house near her home.

I was prepared to be critiqued.  After all this would provide additional guidance on this project I’d begun.  She looked at me rather resolutely and stated “I really like how you write.  You could possibly have a best seller here.”

I was absolutely stunned by her comments.

And it occurred to me then that perhaps I was good at this writing thing after all.

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The year of 2011 was a year of major breakthroughs on so many levels.

What I’d previously considered impossible now held merit and plausibility.  I needed to explore this further.

2011 was also a tough year emotionally.  I was stepping up to own those painful truths that I had denied for the better part of my adult life.  I was taking chances and stepping out of my comfort zone in a big way.  I discovered that my ‘comfort zone’ is simply what I’m used to, what I know and what I come to expect.  It can be a very stifling place to remain in.

Stepping outside of this mindset was the best thing I could have done to assist in my personal growth at that time.

I had to break down a few walls along the way though.

There were opportunities aplenty to change my mind and return the mediocrity of what I had known.  I teetered on this point several times.

But finally it was time to find out what was indeed on the other side of the mountain and my curiosity pushed me over the edge.

2011 was the ‘All or Nothing’ year.

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I just wanted to feel again.  I didn’t want to over analyze or question…I just wanted to experience this life fully and without inhibitions.

And I remember the night I started to write the book in true sincerity and with vision.

I’d chatted for years about penning a book.  There were many starts of fictional novels.  I started a journal back in 2004.  In a light blue duo tang folder I put a package of 200 line sheets in it.

On the over I wrote “Welcome to the Human Race:  With This In Mind”.

It took me seven years to write 100 pages of longhand.

On that January night in 2011 I reached a serious crossroad.   I’d been out with my friend Kathy and we’d had a conversation that would ultimately resonate so deeply that it propel me to change how I was living my life.  That evening I sat in the corner of my bedroom where the computer was originally set up and with a glass of red wine in had and pile of notebooks and such decided it was time.

By July 2012 I’d finished the first draft.

And it was meeting so many other writers, Keith, , John, Gareth, Amber, Jonanne, Perry, Peter, Sonya, Issac….just to name a few that propelled me forward wanting to improve my skill set.

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Claire’s initial affirmation was a major boost for my confidence and to continue on.

In the last five years I’ve finished and published my first book.  I’ve posted about 540 articles on this blog of mine and am developing six other writing projects.  A trilogy of the fantasy fiction variety exploring the evolution of the Written Word; an erotica fictional novel with the exploration of how we arrive at our sexual preferences at the core; a murder mystery and of course a romance.

This should keep me busy for a couple of years.  I also started my own publishing company and do hope to work with other writers as well.

Like all newborn’s there will be few slips and stumbles along the way.  That’s how we learn and grow.

I’m looking forward to meeting Claire and Denis’ little one.  Soon…

Peace.

 

Authenticity


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“Find your authentic truth.”

These words were uttered a couple of years ago and they stuck as I was seeking that essence of my being that had been shut down and placed in stasis. Feeling half alive or rather just existing was no longer enough.

I wanted more.

A hunger was born.

A desire.

A need to discover. And I was driven by an insatiable curiosity to find my purpose

Sounds rather intense, doesn’t it?

In truth it has at times been quite awkward and my sudden recollections and admissions were at times quite juvenile upon their awakening.

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But then again, how could they be otherwise?   I may well be in my fifties but adopting a new way to look at this world and how I function in it?

Well, you have to go back to the point when your first thoughts were secured about this world, of how you were taught that it worked and then question the foundation of that.

So yes, it can be quite juvenile and innocent in its evolution as you change your way of thinking. There is sweetness to it though, a jubilation as those first spears of clarity shoot through you. There are several emotions that will move through you.

There can be a sense of deceit. What you should keep in mind too is that the borders that you are born into will dictate to a large degree how you’ll be expected to perform in this world.

Then as you question this you’ll have a sudden vision of how this world should function…according to you but is it a healthy vision or one of imminent destruction?

Questioning your foundation is a tough thing to do on any level. Had you been raised believing the world was flat, as this was indeed once the norm, consider the main stream response when they were advised that this was not the case. The landscape before them was flat enough. Should they walk for miles, indeed the land would still appear quite flat.

Yet someone had the edacity to state the world was round, and furthermore they could prove it! There was no end of the world that you would fall off of, no oblivion to fear. So we created our heaven and hell and our purgatory. Sometimes I wonder if indeed these ideologies were created to offset the discovery of certain truths.

And we want an explanation for everything, yes?

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Sometimes we want so badly to believe in something, anything…don’t we?

Tell me you love me and mean it. Tell me that everything will be okay even though this myth of life that I had adopted was crumbling about my feet and I will believe you

Despite the evidence to support the imminent destruction, I don’t want to see it. I will refuse to buy what my eyes tell me.

I sit empty and devoid of any emotion.

How could everything that I so wanted in my life slip away so catastrophically?

Maybe, just maybe, that is not what I needed in my life. The myth of happiness could not be found on the path I was exploring.

Maybe, just maybe my passion and truth would be better directed toward a truth that was in fact born to me. And so the internal inquiry began.

Perhaps the quest, the aspect of this life that I had missed was opening myself to that truth that was inherent to me and inherent to this world that I inhabit.

And now I must ask myself how can I better serve this world? How can I give back? How can I assist in its evolution to a better place, an honest place, a natural place?

And I’ll likely spend the rest of days given to me attempting to do just that and to do so with loving and forgiving heart.

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We’ll always kill. It is indeed a part of this world. But we are different. We have reason, we have logic, or so we are lent to believe, and we have so many fundamentally intrinsic idiosyncrasies in comparison to our animal counterparts. Yet it is what we do to each other that confounds me. The cruelty that we display is at times so discouraging and the creative manner by which we as humans can kill another.

Well it leaves me speechless.

Tonight the geminides will be occurring. And a perfect night for it. The sky is clear. Let the meteorites rain upon us! All I have to do is stay up for another four hours.

I just may do that.

Peace.

 

Truth and Wimsy


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Jayne and I sat in a lovely restaurant on Friday evening enjoying our meal.

We can easily agree to disagree and I love the debates we engage in.

She doesn’t always share my point of view and often challenges it.

This is one of the things I love about her.

She challenges me to look deeper and think actually how I in fact deduce and entertain my reasoning.

I love debates, I love the thought process and I love to be challenged in some manner as it only assists in my growth. While I may well have some very strong opinions I am always open to new ideas and concepts.

Do you want to save the world from itself?

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I watch the news and see all that ails and plagues this planet of ours. And while I realize the news program being viewed has been designed to entertain to some degree, that they’ve taken a host of stories and then decided how they are going to be delivered, as it is a business after all.

I recall watching Walter Cronkite deliver the news in my youth. You could see news people in the background of the newsroom at their desks, smoking cigarettes and moving about gathering information as it came in. Camera shots moved in a little closer to isolate the ‘background’ disturbances.

There was a certain trust back in those days that the news being delivered was based on fact.

The age of flower power was then ushered in. Young people were rising up questioning all the propaganda that had been fed to them. Furthermore, they weren’t buying it.

Many of us thought there was a better way. The utopian dream was born.

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No more fighting, no wars, no more power struggles and we would all live equally and in harmony with one another. For a brief moment I think I believed it was possible.

This news of a new initiative to remove the insidious actions that mankind had been doling out since the beginning of our time on this planet blinded me for a moment.

It wouldn’t be that easy. You cannot erase eons of conditioning just like that.

If you are raised to believe in a certain ideology it is very hard to challenge it, let alone change it.

I had spent a lifetime wanting to feel completely comfortable in my own skin.

Prior to my caner diagnosis, I had begun to feel as if I finally reached that pinnacle. Things were beginning to settle into place and I’d never felt more at peace with myself as when I embarked on the training for the ½ Marathon.

Then just as quickly has that illusion emerged it was gone.

Cancer will do that to you. The body was now under siege.

And so I began to look deeper.

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I’m not the insecure and naïve girl I was some twenty plus years ago and my views on this world that we live in have changed considerably.

I am more than just the flesh that houses my soul, my spirit. Yet I want that sense of unity with the sum of all my parts.

I look at this world and some of the major issues that we are facing today. Ebola is raging through West Africa and I wonder why we’re not applying the knowledge and remedies we have gained in the Americas with those who are most vulnerable is really beyond me.

The death count seems to double every couple of weeks. The sad thing is the people living there aren’t really aware of what a crisis this has become consequently becoming very vulnerable to infection. And even the removal and disposal of those infected who’ve died must be done quite delicately so as not to infect the living.

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And we watch in animated horror and it doesn’t really affect us, now does it?

Or will it?

One man on a flight to the U.S. had this virus…now two nurses who attended to his care have contracted it. He has since died.

Ebola has made its appearance here in North America. We’re not so complacent any longer. Those tendrils of fear now begin to spread.

I recall a few years back when we had the SARS outbreak. That one came over from Asia.

And the next thing you know the latest fashion trend was the surgical face mask.

Back to the news of the day.

Then of course all the atrocities that are being committed against mankind are reflected as well.

Is the vision that I hold of this world an honest one?

It’s debatable as are most things.

I suppose that’s why I’m exploring the human equation.

I challenge the idea of an ‘eye for an eye’.

Think about this statement. You take one of my eyes out and I’ll take one of yours. It balances out the conflict. We are back on an even playing field, yes?

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Or are we?

We pray that the rights and freedoms we’ve fought so hard for will not be stripped from us, yet governments of the day quietly pass laws stripping them from us as it is no longer ‘cost effective’ to have them in place.

And they’ll commission a study group lead by an ‘independent’ advocate of the government to review the issue…just for good measure and spend just few more precious tax dollars to ensure that all their bases are covered.

When conflict or a threat of some kind occurs close to home we suddenly feel very vulnerable and everyone is suspect. As a nation we don’t like to feel that frailty, as an individual we are horrified and fearful.

I feel incredibly small in comparison to the next layer of life that will be revealed, as it is a moment and it’s fleeting.

I haven’t been guaranteed anything regarding this life and why should I be?

I have this day and it’s mine to live.

We have our truths and much like the interpretation of a painting, a sketch, a poem and so on, truth is just as subjective.

And I’m still striving to find my authentic truth, that place where I am confident that all the energy I exude in a day is being utilized in a manner that will benefit all that surrounds me. That I am connected to this world of ours and those that inhabit it in a manner that is positive and honest.

And that’s all I can do at the moment.

Thanks for stopping and many blessings.

Peace.

 

What Are Your Measurements?


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July is now August. How did that happen?
Well, we humans like to measure things, don’t we?
We measure time, success, space, circumference, failure, our waistline…
And then we record it all, of course, for good measure.
After all we must navigate through the laws of averages, now mustn’t we?
I was at a poetry reading last evening. One poem that keeps giving me pause to consider was called ‘Indian Time.’
It referred to the measure of time as being slower in the context of how it was perceived by our aboriginal folk.

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I loved the whimsy of the poem and the earthy texture to it.
Yes, I was measuring the words and how they cradled me.
Some were presented like a lullaby that soothed, while others triggered a restless energy that provoked, and other still left me wondering ‘What if?”
I’ve much to learn in the vocal delivery of these things I set to paper.
We were given just three minutes, a small measure of time to be sure, in which to relay our prose.
I am very new to this.
Two poems I opted to deliver. Every other person on open mic presented just one.
In my mind I had two short poems and I could do it!
And on the second poem I felt the pressure begin to build. The flush of nervous energy began to take hold and I felt a slight tremble begin.
With my last word spoken I timed out at 3:14.
I recognized my own folly in that moment though.
Then I though back to the ‘Indian Time’ poem.
I am still trying, at a frenetic pace, to fill time, to make the most of what I’ve been afforded.

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I have just finished working twelve hours. I was at the new job then hopped over to the engineer’s office.
It would seem I am trying to catch-up these days.
And I was hungry. Decidedly I popped into a local eatery as I considered it just a little too late to be cooking.
And as always I have a pen and page at the ready to spill any erstwhile thoughts.
I like to be engaged in every sense. What I am attempting now is to have some ‘remote’ time, some ‘me’ time, some ‘down’ time.
Balance?
Yet, as we decided, oh, since the dawn of time, there are but twenty-four hours in a each day. This really doesn’t change and is based upon a fraction of how long it takes our beautiful world to revolve around the Sun, which of course necessitates our understanding of light and dark, of summer and winter and all points in between.
Time doesn’t speed up, nor does it slow down.
We have this affliction, I know I do, in that I am in some odd kind of race with time. And as my life span enters what is perceived as being the latter portion of the average that has been so carefully calculated of how long I should expect to be here, now an urgency permeates all that I do and absorb.

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Why?
I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing. I do believe I need to learn how to manage my impulses a little bit better.
I should not be so intent on filling every moment with what, I’m too sure.
This explosion and eruption of self, this awareness and connection to all that surrounds and encompasses me and the desire, so strong, to emanate all that I feel, think and imagine to the world that envelopes me.
And just as I spilt the words, with nervous energy threatening to consume me, at the poetry reading last night, so do I try to experience all that this life has to offer and to give back.
I am, I know, but a speck in this universe. An energy form so small that I could think I’m insignificant. But each and every particle that makes up this spectrum we call space and time matters in some form.
And I guess in this odd little head of mine, it is our choices that it all comes down to.
Everything has an opposite as we all know…and then there is a rainbow of possibilities between these choices.
And maybe it is trying to find that balance, if it does indeed exist.
Perhaps it is the rapture that we feel at certain times in our life experience. Those makers that make us beg for more, that make us measure our wants, our needs and our desires, then try to capture and immortalize them.
And here we are, small particles in this universe that continually collide and expand, we experience friction. And such a terrible darkness runs through all of humanity, it always has.

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For as creative as we are in love, we are equally so in hate.
Now you need to make a choice. Which will you surrender to?
Will you die for love or live to hate?
And it is the play of words, their insistence upon my lips that I always challenge and find myself searching…exploring.
I just want to remain open and learn…absorb.
A new job has filled me with excitement. The intellect has once again been engaged and tickled. Perhaps this time it will be nurtured to its fullest potential.
And if you measure a person’s intellect by the credentials bestowed, perhaps this is a re-think.

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Knowledge is free.
While we’ve been sold the idea of a formal education as being the door to all that is, know that it surrounds you always.
Yours for the taking.
And so I surrender to my love of words and the visual arts. May my curiosity and love continue to grow and expand.
Time is never wasted, just the perception of it.
Peace.

The Storyteller


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What is it that appeals or repels in a story?  What drives it?  What do we take away from it?

I love a well told story.  I look for those little twists and turns, the innuendo that leads me through various avenues as the story plays out.  We’ve been reminded time and again that every story ever told has been done so over and over again.

Take the romance genre for example.  It is basically the same format in pretty much every book.  So why keep reading them?

What does it for me is character development.  If I can connect to them then I’m hooked and it doesn’t matter the genre.

As the reader I am conjuring what may happen .  I am delighted when a surprise occurs that throws me off.  The most important aspect is how the story is told and how it unfolds.

And I got to thinking, I could tell you stories that would break your heart, but you know what?  I would rather tell you stories that will help mend them.

I have to be careful in the telling though.  I don’t want to tell a feel good story that ends up being so sacharine sweet that I am wanting rip my hair out and run screaming from a room, or to a room, or down a street, or up a street….

You get the idea.

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I had a bit of rant just over a week ago about the trailer for a new show that is on television this summer called ‘EXTANT’.  It features Halle Berry and is produced by Stephen Speilberg. After duly criticising the over dramatic trailer I decided to do due diligence and actually (GULP) watch the show.

Yes, yes…I know…my sacrifices know no bounds

I decided to watch it until my interest really starts to wane.  Keep in mind what is happening to Halle Berry’s character Molly Brown will have an impact on ALL OF MANKIND!

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I am two episodes in and can smell a certain consiracy theory brewing. My guess is that possible aliens are living on our planet that have a comfortable relationship with the US government and NASA?

Molly and her husband have an android child named Ethan who looks like he walked off the set of ‘Children of the Corn’.  Yup, he’s a little creepy.  The husband builds these things though I am not 100% certain as the why of it.  The story is a little vague there.

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The thing is, prior to Molly’s adventures in space, they sent another dude up to space for 13 months on his own and he came back and got all weirded out and paranoid so he killed himself.

Then we find out in episode two that he didn’t kill himself…he faked his death and is now living in a trailer hiding from the authorities.

So of course, NASA would send up another astronaut for 13 months, a woman this time, to live alone in space.  And she comes back knocked up.

There is this multi-billionaire dude, Yasimoto, or something like that who apparently owns half the planet.  I think he’s an alien.  His character, while in good shape is likely in his late 50’s or early 60’s.  He sticks his finger in a sensory object on his dresser and  it tells him he has 103 years and 55 minutes left to live.

I will watch a little longer to see if what I am thinking plays out.

Sadly, they could have made this a really good show had they stayed away from the conspiracy theory aspect to it, but I can see it beginning.  Meanwhile Molly still has not told her husband of her extraterrestial pregnancy and she is teaching her android son the art of deception by forming a pack to to keep secrets from the father / husband.

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Now, let me switch completely.  When I watched ‘The March of the Penguins’ I was spellbound by the story Morgan Freeman narrated about these charming birds.  This documentary illicited a host of emotions in me.  And I was simply watching footage of penguins.

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Indeed, how well a story is told is key for any storyteller and I hope to continue to grow and expand in this area.

I would love to hear from you what some of your favourtie stories or books are and why. And again, thanks for stopping by.

Peace.

 

 

 

The Law of Attraction?


Since that small book ‘The Secret‘ hit the shelves several years ago the law of attraction has been propagated to the point that now it seems to have gone viral. Workshops are offered in abundance to assist where the book left off.

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Still haven’t found those utopian delights you were assured would come your way? All the wealth and abundance that the universe was to shower upon you didn’t occur? Take a number.  You’re not alone.

Now we’re being told ‘The Secrett’ left a few things out.

I gasped in horror at this revelation!  NO!  Say it ain’t so!

But think about it.  Do you really believe someone would publish a book that would tell all of us how to manifest true happiness, wealth and abundance within the confines of just over one hundred pages?  Does it sound realistic that all you have to do is put a positive image of what you want out to the universe and it will be returned to you ten fold?

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The thing of it is, that in essence, that is one of the basic keys but it goes much deeper than that and is far more complex.  And this is what the book left out, or as Garry Trudeau told a group who had paid handsomely for his workshop, the information was in fact removed.

The one percent who rule the financial world don’t want us to know these secrets and so they ensured that the book was duly edited because they own all the major publishing companies.

When first I began to hear about the Law of Attraction in truth I thought it had something to with sex.  Because I’d shut that side of myself down I really paid very little attention to it. Crazy, I know but that was how my grey matter was working twenty some odd years ago.

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I’d heard the buzz about the book ‘The Secrett’ and came upon a copy a few years after its initial launch and read it through rather quickly.  By all accounts the information is interesting and can assist you.  Would I say that it’s transformative?  That it will change your life?

No. Not really.

What got me going on this post today was an ad on the internet as I perused my email that read as follows:

‘Could the Law of Attraction Be THIS WRONG?

Star of The Secret — and Mindvalley favorite —
Bob Proctor is convinced the Law of Attraction
is INCOMPLETE. 
 
He is going to explain everything on this Tuesday’s
Abundance Masterclass.’
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It goes on to mention a host of other laws that we are to adhere to in order to have that utopian life we all seem to be chasing.
And what exactly is it that we’re looking for?  If we all had unlimited wealth and abundance then what?
I have a deep curiosity about the human experience.  Of why we want the things we do, of why we believe if we had certain things we’d be deliriously happy.
What I’ve learned along the way isn’t really complicated but doesn’t come overnight either and it takes a lifetime committment that will change and adjust throughout the course of time and be wholly dependent upon what it is you are actually seeking at any point along the way.
What I seek is to be happy, loved and successful.  And you know, just these few things come in multitude of forms and in an infinite number of ways.
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I cannot be ridiculously happy all the time. The sadness that has been in my life counters and compliments the appreciation I have for the joy that I do experience and feel.   Success can mean so much to so many as well.  The simple act of waking and making it through each day can be viewed as a success to many.
Then of course we have love.  What I know is that it starts with that face you see in the mirror each day.  And if you release this energy, this love to the universe in a manner where you’ve let go of ego, where you’ve let go of entitlement, where you’ve let go doubt  and expectation then perhaps it will come back to you in a way that will indeed surprise you.
I want everyone in this world to know peace of mind, to know love on some level. A simple wish really.  It’s not about material wealth.  Abundance too can mean so many things.  An abundance of love, of forgiveness…just to name a few.  Along with the positive, as you well know, the opposites are in abundance, notably hate and greed.
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Am I entitled to the lifestyle I see flaunted on the BC Lottery commercials?  No.
Do I want that lifestyle?  Not really.
I’m still looking for my authentic truth.  I do believe I’m getting closer.  What I’ve found though is this changes as well.  Finding what I believe in at the time appears to be the end all and be all and then another question or issue is raised that has me looking deeper still.
And perhaps that’s the point of this life.  Trying to uncover all the mysteries that go on for an eternity, that are timeless, that make up just one little speck in this thing we call space.
I like to think that we are just one of millions, or perhaps billions of star systems that house a variety of life forms.  And wouldn’t it be cool if we could get that point where we could travel to and from and co-exist with them?
Hubble Deep Field
The thing of it too, is that I don’t believe the majority of people want unlimited wealth and fabulous riches.  I would think the populace wants similarly the same ideals that I seek.
You can have everything you ever wanted…but it will cost you.
And all these laws that apparently govern us when you get down to the heart of the matter it is simply being human.
Of rising above our animal sensibilities, of understanding that we have been gifted with so much more and of exploring the endless scope of possibilties.
There is an order to this world, though at times can appear to be random.  We’ve been travelling down a path that will ultimately lead to our demise.  Rape, pollute and kill our earth and our fate is sealed.
One thing though is that this planet of ours is resilient.  If she feels duly threatened then we’ll be wiped out.  I can guarantee that earth will be here long after we are but an echo in the universe.
So what does this law of attraction mean?  I don’t know.
If we actually stopped and realized the power we each hold, the power of one as it were, and understood and respected it fully…think of what we could accomplish?
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If we each endeavoured to make this world a better place for just one person that will follow in our wake then the next six billion people to inhabit this planet will do a fabulous job, yes?
Hard to say but it’s not about wealth at all.
It is about love.  This is an energy that I am just beginning to understand and explore.
Laws and truths and fears abound.  Perhaps the complexity in all of this is the actual simplicity of it.
I don’t have the anwsers but I can certainly share and speculate with you on this journey that I’ve undertaken.
I would love to hear back from you on what it is you seek in this life.
Have a great day.  Namaste!