Imaging…How do you like me now?


In my proactive ideology I made the decision to get my hair cut short. Really, really short!  In fact, I have never had my hair this short in my lifetime.  I will be losing my hair so I figured might as well make the transition a little less dramatic.  I am feeling a little bare up there.  In all honesty though, it doesn’t look half bad.

Personally I seldom do anything dramatic with my hair. For the last thousand years or so I’ve had it just past my shoulders and have complained bitterly about its lack of….well, I don’t know.  This is interesting.  I wake up in the morning and it pretty much looks the same as when I went to bed.  No longer do I get up and look like the wild woman of Borneo with hair that looks like it went out on an all night bender without me.

I am seriously trying to just let go of the ego thing here and embrace my impending baldness.  Of course, I will be donning a wig.  I figured this Halloween I’ll be a Conehead.  I won’t have to do much in the way of make-up but hell, might as well have some fun with it.

I am looking at this folder that I was given by the BC Cancer Agency with information galore on side effects of other medications that may be administered; financial issues for Cancer patients on trying to pay for all these medications; how to deal with the fallout of possible depression issues and fatigue issues.

I am supposed to bring this folder with me when I go for my ‘chemo teaching’ workshop.  Oddly I am ignoring the material.  I really have no desire to read any of it.  Oh, I know I should be informing myself.  I think I will go about it in a different manner and perhaps use some of this stuff as reference material?

I know this is serious shit.  I get that, but I don’t want to be thinking about it all the time.  I just want to go on living my life…in a happy frame of mind.  And yes, I know I can’t be happy all the time.  No one can.

Happiness really is a state of mind.

I am finding it easier to let issues that at one time antagonized me just slip away. I no longer hang onto them and allow them to grow into horrific monstrosities.

The deal with all the reading material is just a bit too sobering, a bit too flat, a bit too statistical and impersonal.  The material is not earmarked for someone who may no longer have cancer; it is not dedicated to the case of being simply a preventative initiative.

No, the material is earmarked for every stage of cancer.  Perhaps that is what I am rejecting…the fatalistic feeling that seem to underline some of the material.  Death is not an option at this point in my life.  It really is that simple.

So, I’ll have some fun being bald.  I’ll play dress-up.  I’ll be the image of what, I am not too sure.  Many blessings to the doctors and nurses who tirelessly put all of this stuff together.  I don’t want you to get the idea that I don’t appreciate their efforts.  I really do.

For the moment I can’t wrap my head around this stuff.

I am getting a wee bit sleepy.  Time to slip into the confines of my bed and let sleep claim me.

Thanks for stopping by.  Peace out.

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In Training (Day 104)….Some Assembly Required


A firestorm has been ignited within burning hotter than before.  A new resolve.  Solidarity and a promise now made to a little boy I never met.

His sign read “No More Violence….Peace“.

And I for one, will do what I can to honour his wish.

I have been back in the gym.  I am rebuilding once more.  Driven by my the spirit, the body is regaining its form and strength.  Every nerve ending is connecting to every neuron with a pulse that now radiates resolve.

I wanted to be in a state of optimum health when I ran the 1/2 marathon.  This idea derailed and went in a totally different direction as will happen in this thing we call life.  I can say with all honesty the journey has been incredible.  Again, as I challenge self on a new level, I learn and experience things that had never even been a forethought previously.

This morning I was thinking of our energy fields that we all have. Seven layers encompass the physical body. Should you have a physical ailment it is likely that your spirit and energy have a blockage as well and this could well be why the physical body is experiencing the pain that it is.  I have met a few medical intuitive s and attended workshops they’ve offered.  Going into this ideology was originally rather foreign to me, but as I listened, read and internalized what was being offered an understanding began to grow.  Conceptually it just made sense.

This morning as I contemplated my ‘optimum health’ goal I thought of the health issues that have come up in the last few years.  First was my heart. A blockage that I didn’t know existed.  This was corrected and with that a resolve was born.  This blog came into being and my writing quite simply exploded.  A year later and the heart was given the okay.  It is fine…it is strong.  The second thing of course, more recently has been my reproductive system…the very thing that makes me a woman.

I got to thinking about these areas and how they related to my energy body, my spiritual body.

The first line in my book is  ‘I was born broken...’

From there I offer the reader some insight as to why I saw myself as such.  My heart has been broken more times than I care to remember.  It was first broken by my father.  So is it any wonder then that the physical heart had issues?  I begin to see the correlation.

For the majority of my life I denied my sexuality.  I locked it away refusing to acknowledge that side of self.  It too was broken. In that last few years I have opened self to this side of self  once more and have allowed the healing measures of love come back in my life.  Could it be this is why this part of my physical body also had an ailment?

I have been putting all the pieces of self back together again over the past three years.  Letting them integrate and flood back into the heart centre.  Sometimes the human condition really amazes me.

I was talking with a woman at the gym this morning who has been feeling quite a bit of negative energy this week.  “So much death these days, the Boston Marathon, this thing down in Texas and last weekend a friend of mine committed suicide.”

She was somber in this statement.  “He was successful, handsome and had a great girlfriend….”

I asked if there had been tell tale signs, any depression?

She shook her head.  No one saw this coming.  And I really hurt for her loss.  I thought about the Richards family and the devastation that has been done, of the Campbell family and their loss.  It was an interesting observation that moved through me, though very sad.

I know what it’s like to be locked into a darkness that seemingly has no end, no hope, no light.  Did I talk to people about this?  No.  I didn’t know how.  And the weight of such darkness can be incredibly oppressive, crushing.

I would encourage anyone feeling this way to please talk about what it is you are feeling.  Don’t keep it bottled up.  When you release the pain and hurt then you will leave room for the healing to move in.

For those who are gone too soon I simply want to honour their light, their joy.

We only have this moment.  Make it matter.

In Training (Day 50)…Endurance


When thing get tough, the tough get going.  I think that’s the phrase?

We did 12 KM today.  This was our 1 hour and 20 minute week.  Lara actually had us run part of the course today.  Now the first part of the race course is really beautiful.  It’s all downhill! But this was not a point to point run today.  So the second part of our run was coming back up the lovely hill we had descended.

I didn’t do too badly.  There is about sixteen city blocks that have a substantial grade to them before it levels out.  I was quite delighted when I saw that it leveled out.  I did have to walk it out for about 30 seconds on a few of the inclines.  Today had a few firsts for me.  I ran with my fuel belt for the first time and I consumed my first Gel.

When we began our run I found the additional weight of the water bottle noticeable but ten minutes in I found I had adjusted to this.  It is very comfortable as well.  I consumed the Gel mixture at the 40 minute mark.  It took about 10 minutes to kick in.  Not quite the kick I had hoped for and I did only bring one.  I mixed it with a bit of water prior to leaving the house this morning as I do have a Gel flask on the fuel belt.  And it tasted quite good actually.

I was telling Ken, who leads our pace group, that for me fifty percent of running is the psychological aspect to it.  If I mentally prepare for a run then I can usually mange quite nicely.  Last week, for example, I just took for granted that it would be an ‘easy’ run.  I am finding something different each time out.

Ken commented on his own experience, the war with self when fatigue sets in.  He told me one side would be nagging him to stop and the other would be nagging him to keep going.  I am certain all runners have this dialogue from time to time.  I remind myself all the time of how far I have come since I started this.  Of the doors that have opened, of the opportunities that have presented themselves and how this has affected every aspect of my life in some form or another.

I told Ken about my motivation to begin running again.  Sitting in BC Place during the opening ceremonies of the Paralympics back in 2010 here in Vancouver.  Of watching people with no legs do amazing feats, of watching people with physical challenges of all kinds stepping up and excelling at their chosen activity.

And there I was, overweight and dealing with depression, and somehow it seemed so small in comparison.  The realization came that I could change these things.  As I watched the Parade of Athlete’s enter the stadium that night, the joy and energy that they exuded permeated my very being.

Who was I?  I was able-bodied but had I ever challenged myself?  Had I ever stood up and said, ‘No, I don’t want to live like this any longer.’

In truth I had been changing, metamorphosis you could say was occurring for many years.  I think I was laying down the foundation then building self up.    That night I accepted that I needed to take things to a whole new level and I have never looked back.

As I pushed through the hills on our return today I knew that my endurance will continue to grow.

I am curled up on my sofa watching the rain fall outside.  Yes, we got wet today.  I am showered and fed and am getting my laundry done.  And one word comes to mind of how I feel right now.

Blessed.

Enjoy your Sunday.

In Training (Day 19)….Invisible


I had a great workout this morning.  Hit the steam room after and came out resembling a freshly cooked lobster.  My muscles felt like butter which is always the point I suppose.  This is now my third week in training and I am beginning to find my groove with all of this.  I am getting into a routine and now I can begin the task of adding a little bit more of challenge each time out to build up the stamina and endurance I will need to do this thing.

It has been a stressful week.  One where I really have had to really consider which direction I want to go in regarding my career.  If I could write on a full-time basis and make a decent living at it, that would be the ultimate path I would take.  And who knows?  Maybe once I launch the book, that path will open for me.

Regarding the edit, I am at approximately 90% complete.  There are a few areas that need to be defined with more detail and context and then just the spelling and grammar corrections to polish it up and it will be good to go.  Overall I’m happy with what I have produced.  I feel that I presented a difficult story in an honest and well thought out manner.

I have learned so much through this process as well.  And I have come to a point where being treated poorly by anyone just doesn’t cut it anymore.  To be made to feel small and invisible and without worth is never acceptable.  And just because the person is under a lot of  stress does not give them an excuse to treat another person with such disregard.

Being on the receiving of this type of behaviour many times over my lifetime, I no longer remain in such volatile situations.  I extricate myself and move on.

I guess I don’t understand how someone feels that they can carry on in that manner,  particularly in a professional setting.  That my feelings just don’t matter.  That I should just suck it up.  I am not invisible. I am not incompetent and I will not entertain anyone’s attitude that deems otherwise.

I will always conduct myself professionally with courtesy and respect to the job at hand.  I will not be anyone’s whipping post.

I know many people who are treated poorly by their bosses.  For many because they need the job they put up with the bullshit.  That is the sad part of all of this.  I like my job for the most part and I do it very well.  But if someone keeps knocking you down day after day because they feel like shit and want to drag you down there with them, productivity will be affected.

And I will not be dragged into that sandbox mentality of having to prove anything to anyone.

So that has been my week.  Realizing that I have come to place where I need to move on.  And I will.

Meantime I still feel incredibly blessed with where I am at in my life and the things that I have overcome.

And life goes on as it always does and I have yet another chapter to begin.

Peace.

Thank you!


My energy levels have been rather low lately.  I am not too sure why, though I do have a few theories behind this.  This morning as the clock sounded rudely at 4:50 AM, I really didn’t want to get up and go for my run.  Usually I bounce from bed no problem.  But this morning a side of self tried desperately to keep me in the confines of my bed.  I stayed in bed an additional 15 minutes but finally, in a moment of resolve, I rose and went for my run.

The temperature was hovering close to zero, so the crisp autumn air felt delightful against my sleepy sensibilities.  I began to run and felt the familiar rush of oxygen infuse me as the heart began to pump faster and the breath came quicker.

My energy began to surge through me and I smiled.  I greeted the world that surrounds me and my God, you should have seen the blanket of stars!  The biggest payoff this morning was to share in the beauty that surrounded me.  I was somewhat awestruck this morning.  Typically this time of year finds the skies in these parts covered in cloud.  So I welcomed this spectacular treat.

I felt incredible this morning.  I felt strong and about halfway through my run I opened myself to all the emotional echoes that have been slipping back lately.  I am resolved now to champion the child in me who had no control over the events that shaped her life and therefore had no skills to deal with the fallout.

I am giving self over to the forgiving heart.  Here is where I find the strength to move through all of this and grow.

I do recognize that I cycle through.  Depression, I will use that for lack of a better term, is not something that can ever be completely eradicated from my being and I know this. So I have learned how to live with it.  I have learned how to control it. One of the things I do is move.  I run, I walk, I dance, I do yoga, I hit the gym….I move!

This has given such a freedom and energy.  I no longer view depression as something separate and outside of self.  It is a part of me and always will be.  How I choose feed it are the ways by which I manage it or allow it to manage me.  If I feed this malady with the forgiving and loving heart that I have embraced, then the cycle I move through usually is minimal in its effect.

In the past I gave in to anger and sadness and let this consume me.  This just weighed me down and crushed my spirit.  It allowed the depression to gain momentum and presence.

That’s not to say when I have these cycles begin they aren’t at times difficult.  They still are but I now have an awareness and tools in place to deal with these issues as they arise.

Mental health will dictate every other aspect of your being so ensure that you care for and nurture this part of you.  I wonder why our society finds it so hard to talk about mental health issues?  We see it as a weakness perhaps.  I suppose that is part of the whole thing to begin with, in that those of us who are afflicted, feel somehow lacking.

We feel isolated and don’t seem to fit anywhere.

What I am realizing is that we tend to put labels on ourselves and others.  Somewhere in our heads we have this ideal of what we should be like in a perfect world.   Well, the world is perfect just the way it is, as are we.  And we are all one and the same.

I go out now and just try to be my best on any given day.  Some days are more successful than others.  How I deal with certain circumstances, what I take from them, do I move forward or did I take a few steps back. It’s all part of the human condition I suppose.

So I will begin my work day now.  Enjoy this beautiful day.

Thank you and peace out.

Solitude


It’s early Monday morning in Vancouver and I am the first one here at the office.  Nothing unusual in this.  I’ve read all my emails.  Have my tasks placed out before me. I’ve had my breakfast and am currently working on my coffee. A typical start to a typical day in this not so typical life of mine.

It was really foggy when I drove in this morning.  Now a pale blue sky is above me and down on the water in the Georgia Strait is a thick fog billows a good hundred feet off the water and it looks so surreal.  For a moment this morning I felt as if I was looking into the past, looking at an ancient world.  There is something about the way fog hangs about the trees, those tendrils of mist gently hanging on and as the sun gains strength the mist loses its grip and slowly dissipates into nothing.  The only remnant of its existence are the drops of dew that will soon evaporate as well.

And I am watching the mist on the water recede as well.  What is it about fog that makes me feel a sense of solitude?  I have been tackling the big issue of why being alone frightens me as much as it does.  I really think this may be the last major issue that I need to work through.  That if I can embrace solitude, feel comfortable and connected in it, perhaps that’s the final hurdle in this pursuit of happiness that I am on.

Happiness is a state of mind to me. Yes, there are things that can momentarily make me feel happy, but I am seeking that level of being where I don’t look to the outside world for compensation on this issue.  I want to be in a state where I am just confident that where I am this day is precisely where I am supposed to be and accept it as such.  I don’t know that I am making much in the way of sense, but I have times where I am on my own, where I suddenly feel extremely vulnerable, then I feel isolated and abandoned.  It is at this point that begin to find it necessary to leave my home and just get out amongst the masses.  This can make it even worse though, as I am now alone with no one to talk to.  I can usually chat someone up if it gets really bad, but I am really trying to avoid this now.  What I am focusing on are the emotions that are coming up, then trying to zero in on just what is going on and try to come to terms with all of it.

I have seen and experienced the darker side of life.  I know that is where these emotional echoes are coming from.  Perhaps I tried to stifle them at that time and now I just have to let them be heard.  I am no longer a sixteen year old girl sleeping in a hotel room in a bed with sheets that are gritty and soiled, and that will never come clean no matter how much you wash them.  As I laid on that bed wondering if I would ever feel clean again, if I would ever feel loved, if I would ever feel worth; and the sounds that slipped into my head through the paper-thin walls as the fear increased.  I had no money, no job and an incomplete education.  I had a rage in me that totally collided with the terror I felt.  Yes, I was a bit of a mess.  I remember feeling exhausted and not being able to really sleep and the heart would be racing.

In my head at that time a silent scream that was ever-present, but was never vocalized to the world around me.  My world had shattered and at sixteen I did not have the skills on how to begin to put it back together.  Somehow I have though.

And I’ve done a rather admirable job of it as well.  So yes, perhaps I do have embrace all the echoes, hear them and help them to find peace in solitude.  Then, and only then will this be comfortable for me.

The fog is disappearing quickly now.  The sunlight is casting some really cool shadows and there is a vibrancy to the morning.  I will move through this.  In truth right now I am trying hard not to cry.  All I am doing is owning this moment, allowing the pain I once felt to be absorbed so that I can move on and grow.  I wish this got easier.  In any case, thanks for listening.
Be well everyone.

Make Me Laugh


I had a good workout this morning.  And I must say I have been quite contemplative as well.  On the drive in I got to thinking about when I started this blog.  Just over ten months ago on December 7, 2011.  The day after I had my heart procedure.  It has been an interesting journey this past year.

I will be able to go off the blood thinning medication on my anniversary date.  Yeah!  Then after a few months I will have to go for a round of tests to ensure the modifications made to the artery are successful.  Very strange.

When I began this I was bit all over the map.  Then I decided I was going to do a 12 week optimum health plan.  As that time frame came to a close I realized that I needed to adopt this life style, that it couldn’t just be for 12 weeks.  So the commitment was made to self to try to live a healthier life in all regards.

It has not been as easy as it sound on paper.  For the last couple of years I have cleaning out my emotional closet.  Yikes!  You don’t want to know what I’ve been hoarding in that back closet!  The thing that has repeatedly come up are emotional blockages.  I will be moving along fine, than bam!  A trigger is pulled and the emotional vaults open and I find myself dealing with something from a lifetime ago.  The good news is I am dealing with these issues.

I wonder why it is so hard to hang on to happiness.  Those moments come so unexpectedly.  A funny story, the sudden joy when there is a mist on the river, the delight at getting caught in the rain or the pleasure at watch a duck waddle down a pathway.  Just that pure pleasure that is experienced.

I love to laugh.  Last Saturday I watched Saturday Night Live and it was one of the funniest shows I’ve seen in a long time.  I have been a big fan of the show from the beginning and while I certainly haven’t seen every episode, I can say that I am a regular.

A few years ago I had tickets to go see George Carlin.  I got them in the third row, centre stage.  I was ridiculously excited.  He is a favorite of mine.   Always has been, always will be.  I was heading into work a few days after purchasing the tickets when the news came on.  George Carlin had died.  The tears were immediate.  I wouldn’t get to see him live.  SNL decided to play their debut show in tribute as  George Carlin hosted the very first show.

So I knew what I was doing that Saturday night.  I curled up in front of my TV at 11:35 PM here on the west coast.  I had watched the original show when it debuted.  I had been 17 years of age, I was living on my own and working through one of the toughest periods in my life.  I didn’t know it at that time, however, so when the show began I looked back over the span of time and saw the journey that I have traveled.  Been a bumpy one at times.

That was an emotional night for me.  George was gone.  Janis Ian came out and sang ‘At Seventeen’ which really spoke to me at that time.  In an odd way I was experiencing the insecurities and the fears of my 17-year-old self once more.

The funny business has certainly changed over the years.  Still, I think the ability to make someone laugh is one of the greatest gifts.  And laughter as you know, is extremely good for you.  I have come a long way and I have even further to go.  Every once in a while, as I move through these blockages, it’s good to remember how far I have come and not get caught in that emotional vortex that seems to sideline you for a time.

I have a rather odd sense of humour, which I have at times displayed in some of my posts here.  I have found things incredibly funny and laughed until I was crying and my stomach hurt, and yet I will be the only person who found that certain something funny.  Those little incidentals that just happen, delightfully so.  I will continue to work at living a healthier AND happier life.  Somehow the two just go together, don’t they?

And thanks to everyone who has checked into my ramblings on regular basis.

Be well, be happy.

Exposed


I am feeling so odd these days.  It is kind of like I have shed an a few layers of skin far too quickly, and am now standing with tender new flesh at the mercy of the elements.  I feel the intensity of a light wind that has come up off the ocean, and it seems to just pierce every nerve ending.  I feel the heat of each ray from the  sun as it burns into me and the chill of night that seeps into the flesh making me wonder if I will ever be warm again.  Yes, the extremes have been just that.

Transitioning.  I know this is what is going on, but I don’t have to like it.  It is an interesting experience to work through blockages and deal with traumas as the occur.  I at times feel far too exposed and that everyone can just see right through me and oddly at times I feel somewhat fraudulent.

I know that may sound strange, but many of the issues that I have been dealing with as of late, and the approach that I am taking to them is new to me.  So I am most definitely out of my comfort zone, not that I ever really had a comfort zone per se.  What I had was what I was familiar with.  There is a certain expectation to living within a mindset that confines and restricts.  Separating self from this and expanding beyond that mindset has been at times delightfully frightening but oh, so liberating.

So when I happen upon a new challenge, when I begin to dissolve old patterns and open self to new possibilities, it feels very foreign to me.  I feel at times like I am a size 12 trying to squeeze into a size 10.  The fit somehow feels awkward.  Then the notion hits that I never was a size 12 and that I always was a size 10.  The other two sizes were simply an energetic padding so to speak.  I don’t know if this is making any sense.  I hope so.

Moving into this sense of self that is more complete and accepting has been quite the journey.  I know many of you are going through similar experiences.  How we grow as people.  How we meet each new day and how we want to be seen and actually are seen.  What matters most is what we reflect to this universe.  Does the image that looks back correlate with who you are?

I was doing some writing last weekend.  It seems I am always left wanting.  Then it occurred to me to question why I felt this way.  What did I not already have in my life that I needed to fill this void that seemingly was just laying open?

Truth be told there was nothing that I really needed.  I have the love of family and friends.  I myself possess a good and loving heart.  So I began to think that perhaps my perception of what I want, or what I think I want and need may well be out of proportion.  With this idea, I plan to make a list of all the things I think I want and all the things I think I need to make me the most pathetically and deliriously happy person on the planet then address them.

The other question too, do I was to be the most pathetically and deliriously happy person on this planet?  Food for thought.

I just want to be.  It really sounds simple, but man, the day that I can say that and know it to be truth will be the day I have arrived fully.

Keep the peace people.

Just For the Fit of It


I had a fabulous run last night with my running group.  We did circuit training last night and one of the reasons I love these particular sessions is that I become stronger as I move through each set.  By the end of it I was a bit like a pony chomping at the bit…just let me run, baby!

I had completed four strength and endurance drills and the pay off is to run it out.  I love my head space when I am running as well.  It is unlike anything else.  The body becomes so fluid and in line with the breath, the beating of the heart and the flow of the blood.  It is an intense feeling once the body has warmed, to feel the muscles as they expand and retract.  Again, I feel so blessed that I can do this.

You know it’s funny, for the longest time I felt imprisoned by my body.  It was a prison I created though.  Fortunately in my case, the body has been very resilient and has met the challenges that have been offered up.  I am not as spry as I was in my youth, but doing pretty damn good for a woman of 54 I must say!  Sometimes in our youth, we take for granted that all the things we can do physically will remain as such.  For many who maintain a healthy and active lifestyle this may well be the case.  I can say with all honesty that as a young woman I did not appreciate the physical self at all.  I was incredible hard on this body of mine, both physically and mentally. In fact, it would be best to say that I did not appreciate self, period.

Now I am getting to a point where a balance is being reached in terms of connecting to all levels of self.  And I love it.

We were running down at Kitsilano Beach last evening.  I was watching this fabulous sunset unfold before me. All the boats were perched on the water.  The ocean looked like drops of amber had kissed its surface as the sun sank into its depths.  I can now smell the crispness of autumn and again realized just how blessed I am.  I never want to get to a point either where I take any of this for granted.  I don’t believe I ever could but still I remind myself at times like this of the journey I have traveled in this life and why this means so very much.

I will hear people at the gym say they hate running.  I say nothing when I hear this and I just smile.  I guess its not for all of us.  For me running is freedom.  It opened so many doors for me and continues to inspire me to go after all the things I at one time thought were out of my reach.   I will endeavor to build on the foundation that it has laid down for me to become the best person I can be in all regards.  Physical, mental, spiritual and sexual.

Have a great day and thanks for stopping by.

Tell Me the Sky is Green


I was in kind of an interesting frame of mind yesterday.  Contemplating a lot of personal issues these days.  Trying to understand why I still revert to old behaviour patterns that pop up seemingly out of no where without any thought as to their origins.  I liken this mindset to someone telling me the sky is green and even though I know very well it is blue, I will try to accept that it is in fact green and that I am the one that has mistaken the colour of it all these years.

I want to believe in something so much that I will disregard the facts and red flags that are placed before me and bulldozed through all of this only to find in the end that I had in fact been correct.  The sky is blue, not green.  Why then do I find myself denying what I know to be truth, what I know to be fact and want to believe in something that is deceptive from the get go?  Is it just learned behaviour?  Is it just that girl from so long ago who didn’t want to see the truth of her life at that time because she found it just too painful to accept?

That’s the funny thing about this is that I do understand why I was like this, I just don’t get why at times I still conform to that line of thinking.  The positive in all of this is that I do recognize when the grey matter malfunctions and I have to go in and play around with the some of the programming.

Considering all the applications that the Apple iPhone has, you would think there would be an app for that.  But I guess that there is no way to re-write all the pathways in a manner that is quick and efficient.  For our brains, it really is about trial and error.  And yup, I have been getting the error message just a wee bit too much as of late.  I should insert a ‘sigh’ right about now, but I won’t.

I gotta start thinking with my heart perhaps.  This brain of mine keeps sending me mixed messages.  So perhaps I should send the messages I am receiving straight to the heart of the matter and take it from there.

In any case, I do that I need to get more sleep.  I know that I am not a pseudo-teenager anymore and that crawling into bed at 4:00 AM on a Sunday morning is going to felt the next day in some form or another.  Here we are on Monday and I am still feeling a bit sleepy.  Gotta have fun every once in a while though I suppose.  And I did have fun.  Now time to get back to the job at hand and try to make some sense of the numbers that are smiling up at me right now.
Happy Monday!  Hope it’s a good one.