I See Stars…

For whatever reason I have been thinking about our existence quite a bit recently.  Perhaps this is not so surprising considering recent events.  Last night a friend of mine came over and we walked along the river with a near full moon dancing along beside us.

We spoke of life events, we joked about with our ribald humour.  My friend thought the idea of a beach on the river would be a great idea.  I disagreed.  Too dangerous with a river like the Fraser whose currents are swift and incredibly strong.  It is a working river as well.  The other factor is that the debris this river has in it could definitely prove to be an issue.  I watch fallen logs coursing down the river at high-speed and would not want to be in the way of something like that.

Still, the idea of having a water park much like they have in Coal Harbour and over by Lumberman’s Arch in Stanley Park is a good one.  There is presently a stretch of asphalt that could accommodate such a venture.

I found myself looking up into sky with an awareness of what is out there.  There is indeed an infinitesimal number of galaxies and universes.  How far out does this space go?  Does it have an end?  Does it have a beginning?

We had been discussing movies and I thought of the movie that is about to debut called ‘Elysium’.  It would appear the rich and powerful built themselves a luxurious space station of sorts once our planet began to sag due to mankind’s raping of her resources.  It would appear that Matt Damon is going to set everything to rights but Jodi Foster’s character is going to try to thwart him.  At least that’s the take I get from the film’s trailer.

This triggered the thought about how people are always depicted as lambs being led to the slaughter in these movies.  As is the case in ‘Elysium’ the state of the planet in this movie shows people living in abysmal ruins.  I got to thinking, if tomorrow we woke up and did not have the technology that we currently enjoy, would we be able to survive?  Could we come together as a people and delegate our resources and produce food and living accommodations to sustain our general wellbeing?  If money was no longer a viable necessity and did not dictate our day-to-day lives how would we manage?

It is a tough scenario to puzzle through.  I would like to think we are civilized enough to come together, yet I know there would be factions that would likely revert to a more primal mentality of a dog eat dog world.

Yet, when we see disasters happen worldwide, I am always moved to tears at how people do come together to support one another.  Oh we do see the ugly side of humanity, those that in their ignorance see the possibility of some gain for themselves at the expense of others. But the beauty of genuine caring and love far outshines this.

And I looked up at the stars, seeing only few due to the light pollution we have on this planet now, and wondered about all the other beings out there.  I have no doubt in my mind that in this infinite known as space intelligent life flourishes in abundance.  I wondered if they have had similar struggles as us or is there something in our primal DNA code that causes us to  behave so poorly at times.

And yes, we as humans still have so far to go.  Women are still fighting for equality.  People are still  getting killed because of the colour of their skin.  Children are still going to bed hungry.  Death is being exacted due to our various beliefs in a supreme being. The divide at times seems to grow deeper.  Why?

Perhaps I am naïve in my thinking but I really do believe the good in us will prevail.  We are amazing creatures.  I think if we came together as one it would be a very beautiful world.

And as John once challenged us in song…”Imagine all the people living life in peace…”

On that note I will sign off and get out there and enjoy this Sunday.

Thanks again for stopping by.  Peace.


Fork in the Road

Indecision.  I have been experiencing a little bit of that in the past week or so.  I am just trying to grind through.  Lately too, when I run and do a workout there is a heaviness at times.  Still I grind through.  I am thinking of the things I want to set into motion.  I am looking at my motives for exploring these paths.   The reasoning has to have an honesty to it.  There can be no ego attached to these undertakings.  In other words, what I want to set in motion is not self-serving.  At the same time, through every experience we encounter it should and will affect us in some way, yes?  So from these undertakings I have been looking at what I hope to garner from them is wisdom and a kinder, gentler and more expansive sense of self.

The other issue I have been pondering is what if these events bottom out before they get started?  What if the vision that I see for their potential doesn’t occur?  How would I treat this?  Again, I have to make sure ego is out of the equation.  Perhaps I should just treat this as an opportunity to grow and expand my humanness regardless of the outcome.  Only so much of this can be controlled on my end.  The response to my plans is the wild card so to speak.

At the end of the day, I simply have to just put it out there.  Have everything organized to the best of my ability so that should it come to fruition and blossom into the event I see I will be prepared.  I will have at least made a genuine attempt.  Then again, if it doesn’t work the first time round, there may be lessons learned that will give rise to further opportunities to expand on the idea.

I was running on Saturday morning with my daughter and feeling the fatigue more than usual.  I smiled at this though because not every run is one that is absolutely fabulous.  Sometimes I really have to work at it.  At the end of the run though the feeling of accomplishment is  appreciated that much more.  This concept really does mirror life to a certain degree.  Not everything is easy, not everything flows with a natural rhythm.  I usually have had to work hard at something so I don’t take things for granted.  I don’t make assumptions.

On those mornings when the body slips into a run with such ease and the energy is light and I feel like I could run forever, then I can love even more the times that I struggled because I get to experience moments like this that are just so stellar.

There are so many metaphors to describe a life but there is only one person living it.  I want to live my to its fullest potential and the funny thing is I don’t really know at this point what that means precisely or what it looks like. But when I leave this world I hope I will have the answer to that.  Right now I am looking to serve the greater good.  By that I mean that I hope my actions will contribute to improving the human condition in some way, large or small.   For every path that opens there are several offshoots on the direction you can take at any given time.  Yours to explore.  Yours to develop.

Happy Summer Everyone!

The Restless Heart

I keep telling myself to slow down, enjoy and appreciate the journey.  But I gotta tell you this last month I have felt like I want to run in ten different directions at the same time.  My energy fluctuations have been crazy.  My sleep pattern, which is usually very consistent, has been somewhat elusive.  I feel this shift is about / or is happening and on what level I am not too sure.  I know that we are all being influenced by the alignment of the planets in our solar system and the energy they parlay as well as the additional activity of the Sun.  We also had a partial eclipse of the Moon and a few days after that the Transit of Venus occurred.  There are some fascinating events that are taking place astrologically this year and we are all feeling the effects, of this I have no doubt.

Perhaps I am just riding this wave that has currently hit me and preparing or trying to ready myself for the path that is opening up.  I know too, I have had old habits resurface over the last few months and I have been dealing with that as well.

It always amazes me that even though we know something isn’t good for us, we will do it anyway.  I have a propensity for what I call self-sabotage.  What that means is I will make huge strides in gaining let’s say personal healing, then an old behaviour will emerge and I will revert back to my old way of thinking and perhaps self-medicate a bit too much, or indulge in foods that are not healthy a bit too much.  You get the idea.  These behaviour patterns are designed to make us feel bad about ourselves.  To better illustrate what I am talking about is lets say I have lost 50 lbs.  I just need to lose another 20lbs to get to my goal weight.  I have a night where I drink too much and junk out on pizza.  The next day I tear myself apart for this.  I beat up on self and so starts the cycle of self-recrimination because now I will start to get back into the thing of eating poorly to support this belief that I am just hopeless and that I will never learn, and never be good enough. There also tends to be the focus on losing the additional 20lbs. rather than congratulating self on the accomplishments to date.  We all know what happens, more weight is gained and the cycle begins again.

What I try to do now if I have a night like that,  is just accept that I had a night like that. It’s okay to do this once in a while.  It doesn’t make me a bad person.  It doesn’t make me weak.  I find though these days with all the behaviours that are surfacing and I am dealing with them systematically or at least trying to, yet I am still left feeling almost empty at times.

I was at my monthly group meditation last night and really just tried to focus on quieting the mind, finding some resolve.  There was some fabulous energy in the room last night as well as a lot of restless energy just like mine.   There was a heaviness at times. I walked away knowing that I am not alone in feeling this.  I think that is what I have really come to love about this group meditation.  I am treating it almost like a monthly tune-up to see where I am at energetically.  I do meditations at home as well, but I am rather new to this so being able to share in this has been absolutely stellar.

And so this restless heart will carry on and not listen to the echos from the past.  I am cutting out a new path now and while I am excited about this, there is that doubt that tries to seep into consciousness.  I just have to keep releasing it when it does slip in.

It’s Friday.  the Sun is shining, though I am told rain will make an appearance.  That’s okay.  Rain nourishes and sustains us.  Perhaps I should find me a good ol’ puddle to play in.

Enjoy your day everyone.  Blessings.