The Storyteller


What is it that appeals or repels in a story?  What drives it?  What do we take away from it?

I love a well told story.  I look for those little twists and turns, the innuendo that leads me through various avenues as the story plays out.  We’ve been reminded time and again that every story ever told has been done so over and over again.

Take the romance genre for example.  It is basically the same format in pretty much every book.  So why keep reading them?

What does it for me is character development.  If I can connect to them then I’m hooked and it doesn’t matter the genre.

As the reader I am conjuring what may happen .  I am delighted when a surprise occurs that throws me off.  The most important aspect is how the story is told and how it unfolds.

And I got to thinking, I could tell you stories that would break your heart, but you know what?  I would rather tell you stories that will help mend them.

I have to be careful in the telling though.  I don’t want to tell a feel good story that ends up being so sacharine sweet that I am wanting rip my hair out and run screaming from a room, or to a room, or down a street, or up a street….

You get the idea.


I had a bit of rant just over a week ago about the trailer for a new show that is on television this summer called ‘EXTANT’.  It features Halle Berry and is produced by Stephen Speilberg. After duly criticising the over dramatic trailer I decided to do due diligence and actually (GULP) watch the show.

Yes, yes…I know…my sacrifices know no bounds

I decided to watch it until my interest really starts to wane.  Keep in mind what is happening to Halle Berry’s character Molly Brown will have an impact on ALL OF MANKIND!

Story 2

I am two episodes in and can smell a certain consiracy theory brewing. My guess is that possible aliens are living on our planet that have a comfortable relationship with the US government and NASA?

Molly and her husband have an android child named Ethan who looks like he walked off the set of ‘Children of the Corn’.  Yup, he’s a little creepy.  The husband builds these things though I am not 100% certain as the why of it.  The story is a little vague there.

corn 4children corn

The thing is, prior to Molly’s adventures in space, they sent another dude up to space for 13 months on his own and he came back and got all weirded out and paranoid so he killed himself.

Then we find out in episode two that he didn’t kill himself…he faked his death and is now living in a trailer hiding from the authorities.

So of course, NASA would send up another astronaut for 13 months, a woman this time, to live alone in space.  And she comes back knocked up.

There is this multi-billionaire dude, Yasimoto, or something like that who apparently owns half the planet.  I think he’s an alien.  His character, while in good shape is likely in his late 50’s or early 60’s.  He sticks his finger in a sensory object on his dresser and  it tells him he has 103 years and 55 minutes left to live.

I will watch a little longer to see if what I am thinking plays out.

Sadly, they could have made this a really good show had they stayed away from the conspiracy theory aspect to it, but I can see it beginning.  Meanwhile Molly still has not told her husband of her extraterrestial pregnancy and she is teaching her android son the art of deception by forming a pack to to keep secrets from the father / husband.

penguin 3

Now, let me switch completely.  When I watched ‘The March of the Penguins’ I was spellbound by the story Morgan Freeman narrated about these charming birds.  This documentary illicited a host of emotions in me.  And I was simply watching footage of penguins.

penguin 2penguin 1

Indeed, how well a story is told is key for any storyteller and I hope to continue to grow and expand in this area.

I would love to hear from you what some of your favourtie stories or books are and why. And again, thanks for stopping by.






Success…tell me what it means to you?

At my writers’ meeting on Friday night we discussed the trials and tribulations of parlaying thought into effective storytelling.  One thing is certain, all of us have a unique approach on how we accomplish the feat of writing.

I have made it a point to write everyday.  It doesn’t have to be the project that I am currently working on.  If I can at least post a blog, then I’ll have met my self-imposed obligation to the craft.

A conversation cropped up about what success looked like.  I thought about this long after the meeting.  I thought about it as I let sleep claim me later that evening.

A few years ago in some weird little twist I acknowledged that I actually had a fear of success.  I don’t know that this is an entirely accurate description but I feel I can provide more clarity given this ideology.  My meaning is this.

Throughout my life I would begin a course of action designed to improve my well-being.

For example I would get a job and work really hard hoping to move up the ladder and be rewarded for my efforts.

I went into each job with so much hope and attacked the position with undeniable passion.  Unfortunately, I had a deep need to be praised for the work I was doing.  This translated into a behavioural  display of being something of the proverbial doormat.  This conditioning had occurred in my youth.

It had been hardwired into me and in some convoluted manner, I was playing this scene out repeatedly.

As a young girl I sought the attention, approval and love of my father.  The times when praise was rained down on me felt like an aphrodisiac of sorts.  These occurrences were extremely rare.  More often than not verbal assaults and criticisms were directed my way.

As a teen, emotions began to surface and erupt.  The outbursts would ultimately result in physical abuse.

I entered the work place at a young age.  Each job began with me as a dynamo the first little while.  Then somewhere along the way the desire to be acknowledged and accepted would become more demanding.  When it wasn’t offered up then somehow I would begin to sabotage my efforts.  The result was always the same.

A dramatic ending of me either walking out or going off the deep end resulting in the loss of my job.  And of course, it was never my fault.  I was the perfect little victim.  Eventually this behavior of mine began to wear on me.  I would feel so defeated at times and simply could not understand why these things always happened.

The thought then occurred that perhaps I had a hand in my own demise.  Horror of all horrors, if this did not turn out to be the case.

Looking back over the years I saw the pattern that had been established, not just with my conduct in the workplace, but in relationships in general as well.  I knew this had to change if I was ever to be successful in life.

I’ve worked hard to change how I respond in many situations.  I’ve also found that when I acknowledge my participation/or lack there of in certain exchanges and accept the responsibility that I played, I ultimately learn and grow stronger.

As we spoke last night, it came to me.  Success for me is completion.

Of taking whatever it is I am working on to a conclusion.

This was instilled in me in a big way when I ran my first Sun Run, which for those of you who don’t know, is a 10 KM race in Vancouver that attracts approximately 50,000 participants every year.

Crossing the finish line in 2010 was pivotal to where I am today.

With that success, a hunger was born and the challenge was laid out before me. I’ve stumbled along this path ever since.

Oh, I recognize old behavior patterns that still come up creating issues but I now deal with them and move on.

Each success opens a new set of challenges and offers the opportunity to learn, grow and evolve.  Each success results in the foundation of my person becoming that much stronger.

What is the measure of success?

For some it is financial independence.  For others having a family, home and good job.  For many finding love in their life.

Now when I look in the mirror I try not to see the woman I think this world expects but rather quite simply, the woman who I am.  And with each project, with each challenge I accept and the completion of said task, I see my true self emerging.

Enjoy your day! Peace.

The Marketing Files: Refocus

Forward thinking in a backward world, or is it backward thinking in a forward world?  In any case, I had an interesting conversation last evening at a friend’s birthday dinner.  I began discussing my curiosity about marketing and how I was looking at some of the things I could do to develop more traffic for my blog spot.

Some interesting points were brought up.  I was challenged on why I wanted to do this.  Did I have a product?  If I did, then I should be trying to attract people who could assist in promoting said product.  In other words, marketing isn’t a popularity contest. 

Pointedly I was asked if those of you following my blog would purchase my book once it was released.  I was asked if any of my current followers could assist in getting the news out about the publication.  It was a bit of an assault, but one that I really think I needed. 

I actually found myself feeling extremely protective of all of you who read my posts.  Then I wondered (GASP!) if I was selling out by wanting to improve the amount of traffic I receive.

It was an odd reaction.  I started this blog for the purpose of writing on a regular basis.  I have stated this previously.  This still holds true. I guess, too, this was a way to introduce myself to the world of writing. 

This is the first forum that anyone has ever read any of my writing.  I had not joined the writing groups when I began this blog.  I truly was in my little corner of the world hoping that someone would hear me. 

I thought about the ‘product’ that I would be promoting in the grand scheme of marketing and it would in fact be me.  I am the one who is writing.  All these ideas are coming out of the expansive grey matter that resides between my ears. 

It was very strange to think of myself as a ‘product’.  As I considered this, it occurred to me that we sell ourselves all the time.  If we’re looking for a job, resumes are developed to highlight our skills and abilities pertaining to the position applied for.   So the shift is a minor one really with this line of thought, yes? 

Yet when I applied this ideology to promoting myself as writer, there was a moment of panic that occurred, a moment of doubt. 

No solid background exists in this area.  I did not graduate from high school.  While I took a non-accredited Creative Writing course several years ago, there are no other educational credentials or pursuits on my part.  My education in writing has come from reading and the need to put my thoughts down on paper.  A few years ago I went from describing myself as someone who loved to writer to a writer. 

This change in how I regarded myself demanded a certain discipline and respect if I was to take this seriously and regarded as such.  My belief was and still is that if you want to be good at something, anything…practice regularly.  Find and acknowledge the areas that you are weak in and work that much harder to develop your skill set.

And this is where I am currently.  Working hard to become a wordsmith of sorts. 

What I realized last evening as well, is that I have succeeded.  Perhaps not to the acclaim that many might equate success with, but those of you who have followed my posts hopefully have gained something from them.  Or perhaps I have simply entertained you. 

I will continue to research various marketing techniques and I will report my findings to you.  But this is not a popularity contest.  While I joked about being the Belle of the Blog, it really was meant in jest. 

My interest in marketing is simple.  I plan to self publish. I have a few reasons why I want to go this route.  First and foremost, I wrote a memoir.  It is a very personal telling of some extremely difficult issues regarding abuse I have had to deal with during my lifetime. 

I want to have control over this and that was why I chose not to try and ‘sell’ my story.  Second, I thought what better way to get to know the market I am wanting to be part of.  If I am going to make mistakes, and I can almost guarantee you that I will, then why not do it with my own story? 

I am now writing my first fictional novel and am six chapters in. I also have about six others in various stages to be developed down the road. I am always coming up with new ideas as well.  I am exploring various genres and I am having fun with the telling of stories and I want to become good at it. 

The plan then will be to post any new marketing information I have come across and my ideas surrounding it perhaps once a week.?  All other posts will be in keeping with what I have done all along of whatever happens to be firing in my head at the time. 

Just needed to adjust my focus a bit.  There, I can see so much better now. 

Enjoy your day!



The Final Round

Yesterday was my final round of chemotherapy.  I am thrilled that this portion of treatment is over with.

My mood was one of lot of ruminating as to where I am at in this life of mine.  I watched the sky outside my window change dramatically as it has this past week or so.  It transitioned from a mottled pale blue to an angry and menacing iron grey that made its position very clear.  It was going to rain and hard.

The leaves on the trees are changing various shades reminding me that autumn is indeed upon us.

Then the Benydrl kicked it.  I found myself getting incredibly sleepy to the point that I could not even hold a thought in this head of mine.  I sat with eyes closed trying to dig deeper, wanting to get a sharper, a clearer picture of who the woman is that looks back at me day after day.  What is she seeking?  Is she getting closer?

Yet, as I tried valiantly to hang onto these fleeting thoughts I was pulled into a vacuum of absolutely nothing. My daughter would come into the room, then leave as I couldn’t stay awake.  A small dog named Dixie came in so I sat up to greet the gal.  She was a sweet little thing, very friendly.

Then I sat back and again the eyes drifted shut.  These types of drugs make me feel foggy and I really don’t like the sensation.  My thought process felt like it was plodding through the thickest of mud.  An idea would form and by the time I had sent the message to open my notebook and pick up a pen and place it against a clean sheet of paper the thought had once more sunk back into the abyss of a drugged out wasteland.  I did a meditation that I think had much the same effect as the writing.

At times the sensations that moved through the body were cognitive.  When first the IV started with the chemo drug, and this particular one is three hours in length, I felt the rush of mild tingling, then odd little palpitations at times, the rush of heat, the chill of goosebumps.

By day’s end, I was delighted to bid the place adieu.  I will be sending a card to the nursing staff though and to the volunteers that stop in continually to see if they can serve you up some tea or coffee.  They make the day long venture almost pleasant.

Now I will be moving into the final stretch of this thing which is the radiation.  After that is complete then I will be monitored every three months for the first year.  I think it is bumped up to six months during the second, then just once a year thereafter.

Last night sleep was difficult and dreams were strange and fleeting.  This has been typical thus far in my experience with the first night of chemo.

I think one of the reasons I try to write everything down as well is due to the fact that I had read chemotherapy can affect your memory.  This troubled me initially so I decided I needed to keep my creative self motoring.

I laid in bed last night, having woken around 2:30 AM and never really getting back into a fitful sleep, plotting out various things for the new book I working on.  And I must say, I came up with some mighty fine ideas.  The details of how this operation are run; then how my main character will meet her love interest.  Still, I am trying to get a better view of him and how he operates.  I don’t quite have a handle on it just yet, but slowly his character is emerging.

That is the fun of writing.  I have been interviewing people for this book as I want my characters to not only be believable but interesting and intelligent.  And the plot has continually deepened on this one becoming not just an erotica novel, but one with heart.  And I am exploring how trauma effects and shapes us as sexual beings.

I have a deep curiosity about this and that ultimately is what this book will be exploring and digging into why we make the choices we do.  I think I will try putting up another survey as I now have a clearer picture of the information I am looking for.

These days I want to crawl around in someone’s head and find out how they came to be the sexual animal they are today.  It is such a big part of being human and yet this fear, if you will, of expressing our sexual self.  I want this to be an exploration from all sides and I want an honesty to it.

It is late Wednesday afternoon and I am feeling a little tired.  I am so glad that the chemo is a done deal.  I hope my hair will grow back looking fabulous and not some strange looking do.  Only time will tell.




A Lesson in Frustration & Fatigue

This morning started out being a ‘poor me’ one.  I have not made it to the gym this week.  I can’t seem to drag my sorry ass out of bed these days.  Yes, I know I have a toxic soup in me that is likely to be assisting in this dilemma.  Still, in the past few months since all this began I’ve added a few pounds and a few inches to my waistline.

I need to change how I eat and more importantly why I eat.  If I am not as active as per usual then I really need to look at my portions.  And again, while this all makes perfect sense to me and I embrace the ideology of it completely, old behaviours rear up and throw me into the same ol’ loop and I cycle through yet again.

This time, however, I am going through this with a complete awareness of it, which makes this even more frustrating.  Of course I could use the whole cancer thing as a wonderful excuse as to my derailment and yes, it probably has influenced it to some degree.

I am done with excuses.  Life can be a bitch, I know that.  It can also be so completely mystical and magical with a richness that I have at times felt as though I was drowning in.  And I love being in that space.

As a child I fought for every scrap of attention and affection that was afforded to me.  As I got older, I stopped fighting and just melted into the background.  As a young woman the day came when I took a serious look at myself and really loathed what I had become.  I have been changing ever since.

Its funny, I was reading a post that a friend put up on Facebook.  In essence she was talking about being deserving of her expectations of what her relationships should provide for her.  My first thought upon reading this was that her thinking was rather selfish.

Then I paused and wondered why that thought had occurred.  I read the passage through a few more times.  No.  She wasn’t being selfish.  Not at all.  She simply knew what she needed from a relationship in order for all involved to gain the most benefit from it.

Then a second reaction occurred. I suddenly felt quite envious.  Had I ever thought that highly of myself?  And even as I asked the question I knew the answer.  No, I have never held myself in such high regard but I would like to.  As I stated in an earlier post this week I still have these demons from the past that are weighing me down.

I guess that’s the kicker.  I am gaining strength in my journey.  I am becoming the person I want to be.  I have a feeling the final hurdle of cutting these chains once and for all is coming very soon.  Another war about to be waged.  Emotions duking it out.  Nasty stuff.

Time to pull up the boot straps and get on with it.  I don’t like feeling the way I am this day.  Oh I know, I can’t be all sunshine and lollipops every day.  The frustration I am feeling though is of my own making.  This is what I need to work on.

That said, as that classic ’70’s tune proclaimed…”I will survive!”

Peace to all of you.




And there I was at the finish line but really I was at the beginning…

I have been reflective as of late thinking about all that I have managed to do in a relatively short period of time.  Despite the health issues that have come up, despite the emotional house cleaning that was necessary (and man, was my emotional closet ever a mess!), I have really toughed it out and pushed through.

When I started this blog no one had ever really read any of my writings before.  I had been expressing myself via the pen for the majority of my life.  This had been my voice for a very long time.  What I could not say verbally could be found bleeding onto the page.

I started this blog the day after having heart surgery.  Those of you who have been with me close to two years now may recall that I spoke of this in the beginning.

Yesterday I read back a few of my posts.  They are interesting as they capture my mindset at a particular moment in time.  Somehow I navigated into some more emotional revelations and then into this whole cancer thing.  As I have said early this week, I feel as though my life is righting itself and yet, as chemotherapy looms around the corner, I wonder how long this sense will remain.  I hope it sticks around for a bit.  Think I am going to need it.

I went back to my first post today.  A hopeful woman was sitting on her sofa that day tapping out her imaginings. Here is the opening statement from that post.

‘What I hope to share with everyone who decides to share in this experience with me is the sense of renewal and the excitement of the road ahead.  And I have no idea what that looks like but the idea of it is exhilarating none the less. 

The Power of One…that connection…how many people do you come into contact on any given day?  What energy are you parlaying to them?  Are you reaching out for that endearing sense of human contact or are you drawing back from it?  It is amazing if you stop and think how many people you actually interact with on any given day and even more exciting is what you can perhaps share with them. 

Think about it.  We will never be in the exact same place at the exact same time in the course of this world turning ever again.  This moment will never come again. There will always be variables that have shifted even if you were standing in the exact same place 24 hours later the energy and the light source coming to us will have shifted. And while we are hurtling through space at 600 miles per hour on this planet that is wobbling its way around the sun, we have this source of energy that just permeates our very being…ours to accept or reject.  We are never still, though we feel we are and there is never true silence in terms of the definition we have provided. Also, we are never alone.

Very recently I have begun to discover this energy and for me it is magic. I will provide a definition shortly but I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself, not just yet.  Right now I am feeling quite giddy and excited and wanting to share all of this….I want to reach out and connect with everyone and everything…and this seems as likely a place to start as any.’

There you have it.  It was at this time that I was accepting myself as a writer and not just someone who loved to write.  The book that was I was just beginning to piece together is now complete soon to be published.

I have run several more races since this blog started including a 1/2 Marathon.  I have continued to reconcile my past leaving the pain of it where it belongs but taking the lessons learned and allowing them to feed and nurture the soul.

I have put posts up that have been extremely emotional.  In all this time I have only removed one as I felt it was far too vulnerable and raw.  Those that subscribe to my blog would have received it.  Perhaps that was a time when I was having a hiccup in terms of behaviour and allowing emotional reflexes to throw me off.

I continue to try to make sense of things that are at times completely irrational.  Perhaps I should just let them be.  And I continue to grow and evolve.  I work to be a kinder and gentler being each day.  I work to be guided by my heart and not my head.

And regardless of the ailments and illnesses that I have been afflicted with I continue to work through them.  And yes, there are times when being the ‘strong’ individual I am is less than appealing.  I would like to have someone who could at times take this burden, even if it is for just a little while, from me.  Just let me cry it out, you know?

It is never a question of saying that it’s ‘not fair’.  Life doesn’t work that way.  Just gotta roll with it.  You’ve all heard it.  If life gives you lemons, best you learn how to make damn good lemonade.

I went back to the beginning to see if I am still on track with the original idea of this blog.  Yes, I am.  The idea was to share in my journey and I have done that.

And this is where I am with just a few days before the next assault on my body begins.  I have reconciled the need and prepared to meet the effects.  Have a great weekend everyone and thanks again for checking in from time to time.


Catch Phrases

I went off the pain killers yesterday.  I was getting a little too ‘medicated’ for my liking.  Yesterday afternoon I fell asleep on the sofa late in the afternoon.  Trying to wake up proved to be a bit of a challenge.  Keep in mind that I was only taking T3’s…one every four hours.  The medical staff encouraged me to go with the program.  I did. I need to let the body right itself now.  The indignities that I have celebrating lately are indeed curious.

Of course, being a polite person, I won’t name these indignities.  Let’s just say that as humans, we all have these functions.  That I have been celebrating their return has been amusing at times, but yes, there have been a few high-fives around here lately.

I had thought writing would be as forthcoming as it usually is.  That has not been the case.  I will be tapping away at the keys then suddenly find myself lolling into a state of nirvana.  When I waken, I find the screen now covered with pages of letters that the fingers relaxed into.

Chuckling at this, I pressed delete then closed the computer down.  This has happened a few times.  The thought process has been fleeting. I was checking my email and saw a photo of a VW Van.  In psychedelic, flower power lettering along the side of the van “Make Love Not War” was written in brightly shades of neon.

Of course, as you know I am seeking a catch phrase for my person that will identify me in the same manner that. others enjoy.  Am I asking too much?  Perhaps it’s the drugs talking.

Think of Mr. T.  And what is his catch phrase?  I pity the fool that doesn’t know that one.  My generation really embraced the whole catch phrase phenomenon.

“Have a Nice Day” accompanied by a yellow smiley face was the all the rage.  The new generation now believes Forrest Gump wiped his sweaty face on a towel and uttered those words for the first time.  Not quite true, kiddies.

Still the sentiments that were being shared at that time had a sweet innocence to them.  I really want to embrace that mindset again.  I don’t want to become a cynical nay-sayer who sits in condemnation of the world before me.  I think for a time I was that person.  Not a fun place to be.  I want to know the pleasure of each day despite the hand that’s dealt to me.

Why not?

I found out yesterday that chemo and radiation will be required.  I may be bald for a bit.  Now understand that this is purely a vanity thing.  The hair will grow back. I’ve heard that if you do a buzz cut then it will grow back thicker.  I’ll have to ask my salon about that.  Perhaps ask a few people who do shave their head on a regular basis.  In any case, the thing about these treatments is the fatigue factor.  I was encouraged yesterday to continue with my workout routine and running once the body heals but that I may not be as energized during the treatments.  That’s okay.  The post-operative stuff will take about 3 months.

I am going to do a brief meditation now.  I want to drop down into my heart centre for a bit.  This particular journey isn’t completely over just yet. And I am determined to listen to the body and the lessons that are being imparted.  I am determined to listen to the spirit and set it free.  I am determined to live.

Be well friends.  Namaste.

Bad Experiences…A Funny Story

The drive into the gym this morning was nothing short of spectacular!  A ribbon of fog played down at the bottom of the hill on Canada Way and as I descended into it, I felt like I was entering a magical realm.  Just very briefly I was in this space that was so confined.  Even the tops of the trees were no longer shrouded in the fog’s tendrils.  I wondered if I was perhaps moving through to another dimension.  (Queue the music)

And having this magnificent blue sky with brush strokes of white tossed carelessly across it, I watched as the crows made their way along the cut into the downtown core.  My workout felt good and I even had a steam as well.  I am not going to feel weighted down for long.  I got to thinking how my spirit feels so light and breezy yet the physical self,  particularly in my mid-section, has the sensation of extreme heaviness.  Soon this will be gone.

The mind then wandered into a bit of a void.  I got to work and made my breakfast and opened the office.  Wanna build a building?  Come see me.  Have I got a deal for you!

I read my emails and one of the blogs posts I follow talked of bad teeth.  But then she had the audacity to gloat about her beautiful hair.  Well, my bliss ended then.  A swift reminder that my hair is sadly lacking.  Sonya…how could you?  (Sniff!  Sniff!)

Of course I jest, but if you’ve followed this blog for any length of time, you might well have heard me moan and complain about my mop (aka hair).

I then got to thinking about food. I don’t know why.  Perhaps because I was eating my fruit salad.  I was turned off of regular oranges for a while (except for Japanese mandarins at Christmas time).  There had been a stretch several years ago where the oranges were almost as dry as the Sahara inside and sour.  Oye!  Felt like I was sucking on lemons, which would likely have been preferable.

I then thought about Feta cheese.  For a very long time I would not eat it. If it was in a heated meal I didn’t mind it so much but never on a salad.  I had a bad experience with Feta.  My taste buds were new to the world and they happened upon ‘a cheap batch’ of the stuff.  That was that.  I was turned off of it.  Recently though I have given it another chance and I like it.

I could sit here all day telling you of the bad experiences I have had with food.  Now it is all about second chances and trying things again.  Of course, if we have a bad experience with anything we tend to shy away from it.  Somethings warrant staying away from.  Take  skunks for example.

Back when I was taking my accounting program, I delivered newspapers at night for a little extra cash for my daughter and I to get by on.  One evening I ran up to a house that was set back from the curb.  I saw the flash of white and had no time to get out of the way.  I got skunked!  Now their spray can shoot out as much as 25 feet.  I was about 8 feet from the little darling so he got me good.

I covered my car seat with a newspaper and rolled down the windows.  The only way to neutralize the fragrance is with tomato juice.  I walked into the 7-Eleven that morning like Pepe Le Pew.  The poor store clerk wrinkled her nose in disgust as I got a coffee and a big ass can of tomato juice.  When I got home I filled the tub with lukewarm water then poured the contents of the can into the tub.  Ah!  This was followed by a shower.

The point of this is to stay away from skunks.  They don’t want to be bothered so I won’t trouble them.  We have a lot of skunks in the city and I could likely tell you a tale or two more but then I would be straying so far off topic.

I am discussing bad experiences and their effect on us.  Important stuff, yes?  Think about it.  Is it any wonder so many of us have hangups about sex?  Typically we enter into this without having a clue what we’re doing and with no real knowledge of our own body, let alone someone else’s.  When I went to school,  sex ed consisted of a diagram of the penis in the vagina.  We were then informed that’s where babies came from.  They used more of a formal manner in explaining this.  Something like, “Intercourse can be defined when the male inserts his penis into the vaginal opening of the female. When copulation is complete the female may become pregnant.  The gestation period is nine months.”  Romantic, huh?

I know, I know.  Somehow we muddle through, battle scars and all.

I pondered the idea of having kemo, which would leave me bald…and well, I’ll take the mop over that prospect any day. But if I did have to be bald for a while, I would like to be a cone head.  That would be too much fun to walk around like some out-of-this-world being.

Have a fun day people.




We all ask the question then spend a lifetime looking for the answer. 

“Why am I here?  What is my purpose?” 

Like the rest of humanity I don’t have a ready answer.  Then I got to thinking, if I did know would that diminish the experience of life? 

Last evening I had a really good run with my group.  Interesting note is that I think I am now seen as being somewhat frail.  Deborah, who is the pace leader for the walk/run group told me we would be doing 1 1/2_3. 1/2 (which means walk for 1 1/2 minutes, run for 3 1/2 minutes).  She asked if this was okay or was it perhaps too much.  I smiled and told her that would be just fine.

I do appreciate the thought and consideration.  I have rolled back the intensity of my workouts and my runs because I feel it is best not to exhaust my system.  I need to conserve my energy yet I also know that by working out and running I am generating energy.  The trick right now is finding the balance that allows the body to remain strong in its fight yet challenge it to a certain degree. 

In the logistics of the universe I am but a little nano spec of cosmic dust, a micro-molecule of energy.  Yet I do have a purpose.  All life does.  Perhaps the purpose is simply the journey itself.  Could it be that simple? 

I like what Chris Hatfield said upon returning to Earth after spending five months on the international space station.  In a nutshell he said he went up as a proud Canadian and came back as a human being. This excited me because I have been turned on to the notion that we need to look past race, colour and creed. 

We are all humans first and foremost.  I know that there have been atrocities done to many cultures.  We can’t change what occurred in the past but hopefully we can all learn from it.  So far that hasn’t happened but I am hopeful.  Still, at some point we need to let the past go and move on from there.  It is a delicate issue. 

Once again I wonder, why I am here.  Can I make a difference in this world, however small?  Can I send all the love I feel within out to the universe with the hopes that it will perhaps sway the pendulum a bit more in our favour.  We are remarkable beings. Complex and confounding at times.  Quite dramatic little pieces of cosmic dust if you think about it.  Capable of so much. 

I have heard the statement that we only use 10% of our brain’s capacity.  That is just part of it though.  I don’t think we use several of our functions to full capacity.  Do we love 100%?  Do we embrace each day fully?  Do we seek knowledge daily? 

Is that the point of this life?  To take the vessel we house and use it as it was meant to be, as it was designed for? 

Kind of like living in a house where you have all the furniture covered in plastic.  Can’t really use it now can you? 

I hope at the end of this life I can look back and know that I made a difference somewhere.  When I become a fading shadow absorbed by the universe around me let me have used this vessel of mine to its capacity. 

Enjoy your day and thanks for stopping by.

The Secret?

I had a fabulous run this morning.  I didn’t sleep well but then it seems as of late the battle of wills occurs when I slip into bed.  Then I have to really work to achieve the quiet mind and even once sleep claims me, the fight is carried on into the next stream of consciousness .  Dreams have been reflecting my anxiety regarding these recent rounds of events.  Even though only 4 1/2 hours sleep were attained last evening the need to run and find that connection, an affirmation to the living world held a deeper level of need.

And so as I greeted this day in all its glory I decided to do one of my first routes plotted out when I moved to New Westminster and began running again.  Today’s run was right up there and reminded me why I love to do this.  I got to thinking about many things this morning.

I am excited by the though of how much more energy I will have after the surgery.  I will just soar and I’ve never let myself do that before.  And with that thought I began to contemplate a few things I have been working on over the past few years.  I did a workshop a few years back and one of the exercises was to write for 5 minutes how we would look if we were truly happy and content in our lives.  We had to write down how we would dress, where we would be living, what type of work we would be doing…and we needed to add as much detail as we could.

I wrote furiously and managed about two pages of itemized detail on what ‘happy’ would look like on me.  Next we shared this with the group.  The last part of this exercise was rather telling.  We were asked why were not in the state of happiness that we had just described.

Oh, a plethora of excuses sprang to the surface.  I could easily have bemoaned the circumstances of my life with just cause but then the light bulb really went off.  It was quite simply my attitude that stood in the way of achieving the state that I so wanted to be in.  Change that and just see what comes of it.  I took the bait.

I have read about the Law of Attraction.  I have listened to tapes about secret societies that hold the key to untold wealth and power.  I have researched these secrets  and then I stopped and wondered why I found all of this rather tedious.  In truth, I don’t seek extreme wealth in monetary form.  I have no desire to own an estate on every continent.  I have no need for ten automobiles and a yacht or two.

I would like to be a successful writer and be able to earn a decent living from the proceeds.  And I will realize this.

There is an awful lot of talk about the law of attraction these days.  It started with the book The Secret.  Like many of you, several years ago I purchased it and attempted to apply what it spoke of.  Nothing changed.  Last year I listened to some tapes that stated the powers that be removed the truly beneficial information as they felt ‘threatened’ to some degree on what was being disclosed in this particular book.  Hence, The Secret remains as such.

Then I got to thinking about the whole power thing.  Power is one of the most misunderstood entities on this planet.  Too often it gets confused with control.  Beating the masses back into submission by means of using fear tactics does not grant power to the instigator.

Power is knowledge, it is love, it is selflessness, it is surrender.  Power is standing before this world  in all your vulnerability and accepting it as such.  Power is a quiet force that grows and spreads to like-minded individuals when it is released and shared.  It cannot be coveted and has no monetary value.  It is simple in its subtlety and yet when understanding begins to form you will see it in its honesty.

We talk about the power of natural forces.  Indeed.  Wind is without question a powerful entity.  It can rip down a forest or stir the seas up to boiling.  We are in awe of this, yes?  And we cannot harness its random nature, but we can learn from it.

And so I will continue to grow and find that quiet power within.  I will surrender this to the world, to the universe.  What comes back to me feeds the spirit, feeds the heart.   As this cycle continues, what is received is offered back and so a balance is found.  The life source flows naturally and unimpeded.

Thinking on these books such as The Secret, I liken it to the American Dream. We are all being sold one vision when there is an infinite kaleidoscope of viewpoints to choose from.  You just have to find the one that fits.  I also find it interesting how the introduction to these things starts by having the potential customer being asked to  ‘imagine having wealth beyond your wildest dreams…”

It is a current phenomenon I am sure.  Yet, it’s what we are instructed to go after.  It will make us happy.

This morning I was reminded on my run that I am still very much alive and still very much a part of this world and that made me very happy.  And I am going to allow myself to have this.

Thanks for stopping by.  Have a great day.