Just Good Medicine!


 

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I’ve been researching medical treatments quite a bit lately.  I know too that I haven’t even scratched the surface regarding some of the things I’ve been looking into.  Of course if you’ve followed this blog of mine you’ll have followed my rise up from a heart procedure through to discovery that I had Uterine Cancer and everything in between and that followed.

So why am I researching all this now when it is seemingly after the fact?

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I really believe there are more humane methods out there, treatments that are more effective and less toxic to the body than the current regime of chemotherapy and radiation.

Having poison pumped through your veins and being exposed to radiation that leaves the area affected to be a wasteland, a dead zone as it were, isn’t conducive to good health.

I recognize that I made bad choices in my youth regarding lifestyle, nutrition and self-care choices.  Many people have and they don’t end up with cancer.

When I was growing up we rarely heard of people with cancer and if we did they were quite old.  I can  now name several people that I know that have gone through cancer or know someone who has or is currently experiencing the machine that pushes you unceremoniously through treatment.  It’s become far too common.

The search for the ever elusive ‘cure’ is ongoing.

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Having now been diagnosed and gone through surgery and the subsequent treatment, I have a very different outlook and opinion on the whole thing.

Fear, unfortunately, played a huge part in my decision making.  And I know, I most definitely know that making decisions based upon scare tactics is never a sound testament to anything.

Still, as much as fear directed my path, I challenged it.

When I was diagnosed, as is my nature, I began to research this thing that had invaded my body.  Uterine cancer results from an over abundance of the female hormone, Estrogen which can create an imbalance thus causing  endometrial cancer (aka uterine).

My first thought when I read this was what occurred as menopause set upon me.  I initially had a two month menstrual cycle that resulted in very heavy bleeding.  I’d never had any issues with my monthly cycle…ever.  As my physical body began this transition, however, that was the precursor to major discomforts.  Hot flashes left me looking like I’d taken a shower within a few minutes.

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Hormone therapy was suggested by my doctor and I rejected it outright.  In my mind, women have been going through this natural aspect of their life cycle since the dawn of our species.  I did go for acupuncture which balanced the hot flashes out and they were not quite so severe.

It was, by all accounts, a discomfort.  Nothing more.

Flash forward to my diagnosis and seemingly endless meetings and appointments with various oncologists over a short period of time and as I offered up information regarding my suspicions of when this may have begun, I was always duly dismissed and told the information I was providing was irrelevant.

Really?  How can they say this?

Perhaps we need to look at what may in fact be causing the rise in cancers.  Two factors that I immediately considered are:

  • DIET
  • TECHNOLOGY

The North American diet is a variety of what I consider non-food.  Prepackaged goods soaked in sodium, modified nibbles made of oils and fats.  Then we have the zero calorie soda pops out there.  The packages of food that scream zero Trans fat, Gluten Free!  For some gluten is an issue.  For the majority of us, however, it is not an issue.

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That roast beef your are eating may have come from a cow that was shot full of drugs and hormones to make it grow faster and do we know the impact this has on our system?  Sadly, no we don’t.

So think about the things that cows produce other than just a roast or a hamburger.   What about milk?  A main staple for our children.

Then we have our non-foods.  Take margarine for example.  It is one molecule away from being a plastic.  if you leave it out…it won’t go bad.  And bugs steer clear of margarine as well.

We may not be fond of bugs, flies and the like, but if they are interested in what your are eating then its a chance the food being consumed is good.  I remember reading a book a few years ago.  It was about the 100 mile diet.  This basically encourages us to eat locally and within a 100 mile radius from where we live.

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He had a Twinkie on his desk for two years.  It never went bad, nothing ever crawled on it and it was still spongy.

Many us have now heard that these big food manufacturing places have in fact put additives in the food to affect our brain as well.  Some of these additives were designed to dull the sensory that tells us we are full, hence, we eat more.  Then we crave the food.  Wanting more.  A little suspicious, yes?

And this is just a small example of the whole food issue.

Then we come to technology.  Do we know how damaging all the unseen forms of energy are that now pollute our air space?  We’ve heard the stories of women who carried their cell phones in their bra (I can’t imagine why someone would do this), and ended up with cancerous tumours the same shape as the cell phone.

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Perhaps the most alarming rise in cancer is in our young people. Hell, I was 55 years old when diagnosed.  Now it seems that younger people, seemingly healthy individuals are ending with this insipid disease.

Yet the Cancer Agency does not do any background studies.  Even the side that came over and wanted me to participate in a study, which I did for a time. I though certainly they would want to see if they could find the correlation as to how these illness’ manifest themselves.

I’m someone who asks questions.  I’m curious by nature.  As I traversed through the cancer odyssey, I became increasingly despondent to the point where I realized that to these people I was another test subject…another number on the conveyor belt of treatment.   Oh, I have no doubt they believe very strongly in what it is they are doing. They are trained to remove themselves emotionally though.

And I get it.  But sometimes it was absolutely maddening!

I’m at my checkup.

“I’m depressed.”

“Would you like some medication for that?  Are you thinking of hurting yourself?”

“No.  I’m not going to hurt myself and I don’t want medication.”  

Having researched the benefit of Phoenix Tears (hemp oil with THC) to manage pain, I took the form in for medical cannabis and they refused to sign it.

My family doctor did though.

Trying to initiate a conversation regarding this with the oncologist fell on deaf ears.  I’d have been far more appreciative had they stated they would not sign the document as they did not know enough about the substance.

Instead I was lectured about “snake oil salesmen who would sell me useless and ineffective treatments for thousands of dollars.”  The doctors’ did not address what I was inquiring about and simply dismissed it.

I did get the Phoenix Tears by the way.  It was $80 per gram.   It worked beautifully at offsetting the effects of Chemo…with no side effects.  This was in fact cheaper than the prescription drugs I’d been offered.

Where am I going with all this?

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I’m going back to the beginning of medicine.  The trials and the errors.  The remedies that were passed down through the ages.  With the invention of the printing press common remedies could now be written down and shared on a massive scale.

Medicine was no longer passed down in a sometimes mysterious manner.  And as medicine became mainstream, doctors began to experiment and pharmacology was born as a result.

Influenza, small pox, tuberculousis (a.k.a. consumption), measles, mumps, polio, etc. were  major illnesses back in the day.

Now that humans were living in cities and more confined areas, these illnesses had an incredibly devastating effect.

And science was looking at where these diseases came from.  Yellow fever for example, from mosquitoes.  Indeed, it’s amazing was we can contract from so small an insect and still can.

Hygiene was certainly another issue regarding sickness.  London, at one time, burnt an awful lot of coal that subsequently harvested many lung and breathing issues.

It is safe to say, that we’ve learned much by trial and error.

And here we are today with children who are increasingly asthmatic.  Why do you think that is?

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We’ve become a nation of germ-a-phobes!  Everything around our children is now sterilized and cleaned beyond the pale.

Our poor little darlings are not building up an adequate immune system as a result.

To the new parents out there, let your children eat dirt (a.k.a. mud pies).  Let them sample a worm or two or any other bug for that matter.  Let them go outside and get dirty!  These are the things that will assist in their the construction of their immune system.

Over 16,000 Americans alone die from an overdose of Tylenol and Advil every year!

The majority of synthetic drugs (pharmaceuticals) are designed to mask or reduce the pain threshold, therefore making us feel ‘better’.

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Advil I recently learned should never be taken if you suffer from high blood pressure. Guess what?  Doesn’t say any of that on the bottle.  Again, look into what these do overall.  It’s fine to take a pain reliever once in a while but overuse can kill you.

We trust so easily in those we believe to be the ‘experts’.

Please, ask questions.  It’s just good medicine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Full Circle


1. Sunrise Steveston

 

Do we move in circles and dream in colour?

I know I do.

The past couple of years have challenged me on virtually every level.  In 2010 I took on the greatest transition of my life and that was to accept myself as whole.  It would take me up until about a month ago to realize I’d been successful in this endeavour.

I also realized it doesn’t stop there.

There is so much more depth, so much more life, so much more everything.

Then the health issues arose

The heart issues made me feel vulnerable and frail.

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The Cancer?

Well this made me feel as though I’d been invaded.  And the treatment of it made me feel ugly.  I felt as if the beautiful soul I was discovering slipped from my sight back into the abyss of my subconscious.

I began once again to have the doubts I’ve lived a lifetime with and as per usual, I hid what I was feeling and I hid it very well.

I was recovering from the brutality of the cancer treatment, running again, taking back my health when the accident occurred.

It felt like a kick…

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Last year was tough.  Really tough.  I’d released my book but found myself unable to concentrate on the game plan to market it.

The building I live in needed to be re-piped and this was costly.

The cement blocks of depression moved in once again making everything in my life feel unbearably heavy.

And fear.  Always at the edge of my ego waiting to blossom if it gets the chance.

I didn’t listen to my body insisting that it needed for me to take a break.  Unfortunately that has been a hard lesson to learn for me.

I took a week off after my heart procedure in 2011.  I took two weeks off after having a full hysterectomy (uterine cancer) 2013 and the only took the days off that I was in a chemo session.

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I took no time off after the accident.

Why?  Well that’s fear for you.  It comes in all forms.  I was afraid to slow down and deviate from all the projects and social events I was attending.  I was afraid to tell my workplace that I couldn’t concentrate.  I was terrified when I was enveloped by the ‘chemo fog’ that I would never get the recall I once had that had been instrumental to my success thus far in this life.

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Today I feel a calm I’ve not felt in a very long time.  I’m releasing the anxiety that has bound me.  What will be, will be. I’m trying to find that presence of mind and balance.  Health issues are still being determined.

But I feel good.  And I know that I’ll be okay.  I don’t know how…I just do.  I won’t fret about tomorrow or be anguished about my past.  I only have this moment.  Why should I expect anything else?

Namaste.

 

 

 

Rabbit Holes…


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Have you ever felt that you’re getting back on track with everything in your life when another rabbit hole appears in the road and swallows you?

It happens.

I enjoyed the holidays.  I kept it very low key this year.  Quiet and reflective celebrations were the order of the day.  I did have a few days, however, where I just felt sad.  I just let myself feel it regardless of where those emotions were emerging from.  They could well just be echoes from the past moving through me.

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Time to get back to the grind and get back to life and living.

Pain still exists from the car accident that occurred close to a year ago.  I need to take my health back .  All of it.

I have concerns and more than anything these days I feel tired.  And I’m not going to hide behind the mantle of my age as the notion of this is poppycock!

Age has nothing to do with how I feel.

I’m mulling the previous year’s trials and tribulations over in my head. Oh, there are definitely a few things that I would have responded to differently but as with everything in this life it’s about moving forward not back.

There are times when how I feel scares me.  I’ll have moments of anger, moments of hurt, moments of painful conflict.  There are certain things I don’t like to feel.  I do understand why as well.

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When I was younger I had no handle on my emotional self.  Indeed, I was something of a loose canon that seemed to self-combust on far too regular basis.  It’s those extremes that haunt me and perhaps create the knee-jerk reaction I sometimes experience at an overwhelming emotion.  Hence, I try to distance myself and push it away.

I am trying now to get back to optimum health.  This is something that, in all honesty, I’ve never truly experienced.  Optimum health to me is experiencing wellness on every level of being physically, mentally, emotionally, intellectually, sexually and spiritually connected.

Balance.  Being present, aware…

I’ll feel a bit of fear creeping in and try harder still.

Ultimately that freakin’ rabbit hole appears and I find my balance in jeopardy and rather precarious.

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Still I keep taking more on and the expectations I hold myself to are perhaps a little bit too much at times.  I stare across the landscape of my being and see a tapestry of repairs and quick fixes as ideas and thoughts assail me from every angle.

“Don’t eat white food.”

“Don’t eat carbs after 12 noon.”

“Walk 10,000 steps daily!”

“Just move!”

“Live in the moment…now!”

“Don’t panic!”

“That person I saw in the blue car had an interesting face.”

“Put everything out to the universe…surrender.”

“Just breathe!”

“Good energy…good energy…good energy…”

“Positive energy will come back in abundance.”

“Just love…love dammit…Just Love!”

“Will this be returned?”

“Don’t think like this! Be positive!”

“Why do I feel like crying?”

“I should be happy, shouldn’t I?”

All of these things ran through my head in quick successeion as I took my Christmas Tree down, boxed up everything and cleaned.

Odd what moves through my mind at any given moment.

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I wanted to get the house ship shape so to speak and stopped when the pain in my back was unbearable.

Still I did manage to get quite a bit done.  I pushed forward focusing on some other things that required my attention.

It was back to work and the week has been a productive one.

And I sitting here feeling disenchanted, heavy, obtuse, irrelevant and foolish?

Why?

Placing my fingers against my temples I gently rub my forehead.  “Please, just go away.  I don’t want to feel these things.”

I just want to live and do so fully.

I checked out Banyen Books events page.  They have some interesting spiritual talks coming up.  Perhaps I need to start there.

Often we think that if we start with physical self the rest will follow.  Perhaps I’ll start with repairing my spiritual centre and work on the physical aspect at the same time.

Onward.  Namaste.  Peace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another Year…


Another year is coming to a close.  It has been one that has challenged on every turn.  I’ve also had to really look deep inside myself to understand why I behave in the manner that I do at times.  I’ve got adjust these behaviours in a big way as they do not serve me, nor anyone for matter.

They are the leftover echoes from a lifetime ago.

First and foremost is my health. I’ve take a few hits over the past few years.  Time to dust myself off and get on with living.

Getting back into shape is going to be painful.  But you know, it’s worth it!  Yesterday my daughter and I headed up to Grouse Mountain here in Vancouver, BC.

We are not skiers, however, there are lots of activities.  We hiked about for several hours.  Stood in many a long lineup, and dined before coming back down at day’s end.

I’ve been making it a point to be active every day this week.  Yesterday  left me in pain but you know what?  It was worth it.  I can’t stay on the sidelines any longer. I’ve got to fight through and take back my health.

And man, are we ever blessed here in Vancouver.  This is Vancouver’s backyard.  I hope you can come and play with us some time.  Enjoy!

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Early morning December 30, 2015 – Vancouver is in the backdrop.

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Boats in the harbour.

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On the other side, valley’s and mountains for as far as the eye can see!

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The Lions in winter…these are feature of Vancouver that are highly recognizable.

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Just wow!

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Skating!

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Prancer taking some downtime!

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A Blue Jay looking for a nibble!

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The majesty of the mountains that surround us

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One of the ski hills

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And as we prepare our decent the clouds appear like waves below

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Thanks for a beautiful day!

To everyone who has followed my blog, I’d like to wish you all a very Happy New Year!  May 2016 be filled with wonder and blessings of every kind.

Peace!

An Awakening


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In the last few months I’ve truly begun to emerge and transform from the effects of cancer.  It’s not just the physicality aspect to it.  One of the biggest challenges has been dealing with the emotional fall out of treatment.

For a time I felt helpless with virtually no choice but to allow them to administer treatment after surgery when I may well have been cancer free.   Fear is something I know all too well and that was a huge factor as to why I went ahead with chemo and radiation.

And the cancer agency certainly propagated the fear.

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Depression hit as treatment ended and then came the anger.

I am convinced that there are treatments out there that are not harmful to the body or create the risk involved with conventional treatment such as chemotherapy and radiation.

Then I watched a clip from an HBO documentary titled VICE: Killing Cancer.

This angered me so much.

They are now injecting viruses such as HIV into Cancer patients.   I saw images of people in HAZMAT outfits ‘neutering’ the virus so it won’t ‘grow’ in the patient.

Really?

vice 1Isn’t it bad enough that they inject patients with poison (aka chemo)?

Recently I’ve come upon a technology that I am going to check out.  It’s called PEMF.  This is an energy mat and its available through SWISS-BIONIC.  I am really excited about it and will definitely share my experiences with you.

A woman that I met at the seminar for the energy mat had received her mat a week prior.  She has breast cancer.

Like me she has questioned the conventional treatment we were prescribed.  She sent me a link to a series called THE TRUTH ABOUT CANCER:  A Global Quest.

I’ve watched Episodes 1 & 2 and then 7.

There are nine episodes.  This is the Facebook link.  https://www.facebook.com/thetruthaboutcancer?fref=ts

Having gone through the treatment it has given me a different outlook on all of this.  If I can assist in opening up dialogue about conventional treatment and the big pharmaceuticals’ and their agenda, then this will be a good thing.

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I asked myself the question many times during treatment.  “If there was an inexpensive treatment for cancer, would they tell us?”

Silently I knew the answer would be ‘No.’  Being sick is a big business globally, particularly in North America.

And the telling part of all of this is that the doctors’ were not interested in some of the tell tale symptoms that came to my mind upon diagnosis.  I stated that just prior to entering menopause I had a two month cycle.  I was bleeding very heavy during this time.  They dismissed it immediately and told me this was irrelevant.  Uterine cancer is a result of an increase in the female hormone Estrogen.

At no time was I ever enlightened as to what some of the signs may have been.  I was simply told it was different for every women.   The other thing that was never discussed was my diet.

Nutrition is huge!

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What we eat definitely impacts our exposure to cancer.  What else that has changed dramatically in the last 30 years or so is what’s in our food.

The dramatic change has been technology.  It has exploded and with it we have an atmosphere full of EMF’s that are not good for us.  Cell phones, towers, computers, WiFi, etc.

Did you know that if you use your cell phone as an alarm that you should set it to Airplane Mode so that you won’t be subject to  the radiofrequency energy (radio waves), a form of non-ionizing radiation. Tissues nearest to where the phone is held can absorb this energy.

And now the WHO (World Health Organization is stating that bacon and processed and cured meats contain carcinogens.

I am looking to educate myself and gain my health back.  I’m also looking to share what I come across.

Be well!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Talking to Myself


 

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This year has blown by like an unforgiving force of mythological proportions.  In many ways the perfect storm.

I look in the mirror and indeed the reflection that stares back at me shows the appearance of someone having weathered some rather extreme cold fronts.

But look a little closer.  The eyes are still on fire, the head has a million ideas running through it and this heart still wants to love, needs to love…

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I was at my last session with the kinesiolgist earlier this evening.  Jae pushed me hard.

And yet, in my head, I still can’t accept that this is all I can do.

I’m remembering such a short time ago when the exercises I did this evening wouldn’t have even broken a sweat.  I’ve got some work to do.

And I told Jae that I may never get back to the level I was at before…but at least I’m alive and I can move.  Sure, it still hurts but hell, I’ve got to keep trying.

And on the same note I can’t accept what’s happening to me.

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I will be competing in a speaking contest of all things.  Telling a Tall Tale.  Never saw myself doing this.  And yet, I’ve challenged myself to speak as well as I write.  To become a storyteller in every sense of the word.  To have fun, to share some expressions, to leave people I’ve shared my ideas with reason to pause and reflect.

My home is still under construction as am I.  Works in progress both of us.  Life being coy and whimsical.  At times I feel so inadequate and foolish.

I’ve worked so hard to move from such notions.  Perhaps its best to just embrace those moments when I don’t feel I fit into my life very well at all.  Reality can at times be a bitch when the dream seems so close to fruition.

Pulled back, teasingly.  ‘Work harder.’

Decisions are made.  Desperate, wanting…

Decisions are reached.  Calmly, with forethought…

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And I slip into bed with a sore arm, a back tied in knots and legs cramping.  Stories are rushing through me and chase me into slumber.

And I’m working, working, working…

Trying to organize my time, trying to organize my life, trying to just live, just be.

At the gym Jae instructed me to do crunches but to have ‘fun’ with them.

“Make a gun with your hands.” he instructed showing me and placing his hands over his head.

“Now come up, pause and shoot between your legs.”

This is weird I decided.

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“Think of someone you’d like to shoot, that you don’t like.” he encouraged. ” like…your husband?”

“No…”I didn’t mention I wasn’t married.  Mute point.

“I don’t like guns, Jae. And there really is no one I want to shoot…hypothetically.”

I spoiled the fun, I guess.

Still I’m in this odd space these days and like everything…I’ll learn and grow.

Peace.

 

 

The Heart of the Matter


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Sunset as viewed from Burrard St. Bridge, Aug 1, 2015

I’ve been rather absent from this forum over the last few weeks, I know.  Much has been going on and at this moment I’m feeling a little overwhelmed and exhausted by all of it.

A few weeks back on a Friday evening I went for dinner and tapped out a heartfelt blog post.  I expressed all the issues that I’ve been faced with and how I was trying to deal.
Upon finishing my dinner, close to 1,000 words had been tapped out. I proofed it and then just like that…it disappeared.  I’m not certain if I hit something in error but my writings were gone.  I would later notice that the ‘move to trash’ key was right next to ‘publish’.

It wasn’t in trash either so perhaps it was moved there then later through my fumbling, was erased for good.

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I took a deep breath and released an agonizing sigh.

Later in the evening I tried to reproduce what I’d penned earlier but this was unsuccessful. My heart just wasn’t in it and I was exhausted.
It is now Sunday evening and I’m just chillin’
In the morning I have to go in for day one of the nuclear test on my heart. I’ve had this test done before and for the life of me I cannot remember what was done.
Day one is 4-6 hours in length. Day 2 is about 3 hours.

I am praying that everything is okay.

The other development has been the building I live in. I had to come up with a big chunk of money for the re-piping and restoration that has been ongoing since mid-March of this year.

Once the work is done I’ve conceded that I’ll have to sell. I want to get my bills paid down and in a perfect world I’ll just have a mortgage payment and few utility bills each month.

I’m still in physio and active rehab for the back injury I sustained in the vehicle accident back in January as well. Yes, I’ve been a little stressed with everything but at the end of the day I’m grateful for the health care that is available to me and that I have a bit of wiggle room financially.

The second portion of this year will be about resolution. Problems have come up and remedies are being applied as we speak.  I’d hoped to be more proactive with the publishing company I started and promoting the book I’ve written and released.

All in good time I suppose.

Sleep has been elusive these last few weeks as well.

I have concocted a plan and need to execute it now.

Test Day No. 1 – Monday, July 27, 2015

Having fasted yesterday as per the hospitals instructions, no caffeine for 24 hours, no food for 12 hours, and no bra.  I’ve just finished the treadmill part of this.  The girls (a.k.a. boobs) thought they were flying!  I’ve had this talk with them before but hell why should I spoil their fun?  Let ’em think they’ve got wings for a few minutes.

The good doctor and medical staff wired me up and put me on the treadmill for 10 minutes. The heart rate needs to get up to 95 beats per minute then they shot me full of a radioactive dye. They continued increasing the grade and speed. If you hit the 150 beats per minute before the 10 minute mark, then they’ll stop at that point.

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Happily I was on for the duration.

I’m now in the hospital cafeteria enjoying a coffee and breakfast before continuing on with the imaging portion of the test.

In March of this year when I went for my annual stress test, I experienced major back pain due to the car accident, which had occurred just seven weeks prior. I was not able to complete the treadmill test.

This heart of mine is still beating. It’s intimidating as hell having to go through these tests yet again. The last few years have been tough and I’ve fought through so much fear with all of this. I’m in a head space now where if its broke, we’ll fix it.

It is a beautiful outside on this Monday morning. Cotton puff clouds dot a pale blue summer sky. There is no wind to speak of

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There is much to be done in the next few months. No wallowing allowed!

Time to get back on track and take my life back and to the next level.

I’ve got books to write and publish. I’ve got an empire to build honouring the written word.  There will be moments to capture with my camera as well.  I’ve got races to run and a world to explore. Let’s polish up this ol’ heart of mine and keep the ticker tickin’!

How do you mend a broken heart?  With love and tenderness and a stent or two.

Test Day No. 2 – Tuesday, July 28, 2015

I had to more or less repeat the fasting regiment, mind you its only been a 12 hour imposition this time out.

I’ve been injected with the radioactive dye once more. Soon everything will taste like metal and if yesterday is any indication, I’ll be a little headachy.

I had to go into work yesterday after testing as payroll needed to get done. Today I’ll just go home and rest up.

One of my co-workers suggested that I may end up with superpowers as a result of being filled up with radioactive dye.

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An image of a Spiderwoman character came to mind but it was a comical one.
It certainly wasn’t a sleek looking superhero.

No. My Spiderwoman has a fear of heights and a taste for craft beer and oysters!

Could be a fun concept though.  Hmmm!

And it’s done now.  Time to go back to the drawing board and get down to the heart of the matter.

Namaste.

 

The Breaking Point


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I’m breathing.  Just breathing.  Remembering that life force that is so necessary to all of us.

This week has been a tough one, just as the preceding weeks and months have been this year.

I lost sight of certain communications at the workplace or so it would seem.  I really hadn’t thought this was the case.

Yes, I’ve had some ongoing issues with attention and focus at times.  Still I’ve muscled through.

And all in all, in my mind, I’ve done a great job.

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I’ve had health concerns that have weighed heavy along with a host of other matters that have made life just a little bit more challenging from day to day.

I still have some of the lingering effects from chemo.  My cognitive functions are not completely back to where they were and only time will tell if they will be fully restored.

The accident back in January of this year introduced pain and how to manage it on a daily basis.

In my mind, I could not afford to take any time off.  Perhaps this s a fatal flaw of mine.  I always put my responsibilities first.   As per usual, I’ve toughed it out.

The loss of hot water in my home for three months added yet another strain.  The emotional component has been taxing.

Then an email from our property management company regarding a ‘Special Assessment’ meeting reduced me to tears this past Friday.

The figure being tossed out, which has no explanation or back up, as to why it is so excessive for the ‘re-pipng and restoration of our building’ was shocking.

$465,000.00

My portion to be paid in three increments.  August 1, 2015 – September 1, 2015 & October 1, 2015.

Each increment:  $4226.00

For a total of $12,678.00 to be paid by October 1, 2015.

What – The – Fuck!!!!!

I pulled out the depreciation report that was done a couple of years ago.

I don’t have $13,000 tucked under the mattress.  Sorry.

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The re-piping has been done.  They quoted a cost of $135,000.00.  We then received a notice that a company would be coming in to bid on the restoration part of it.

Then out of nowhere a meeting set for July 15, 2015 for this insane special assessment.

There’ve been one too many blows as of late.

The past few days I’ve been tearing up…a lot!

Saturday morning I finished my 20th physio session and I’ve begun active rehab.

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I just want to get well.

I just got an appointment notice from my cardiologist.  Another 2 day nuclear test has been set up.

I just want to be healthy.

Thinking I was going to have a salary review resulted in being informed that my job performance was lacking.  How can this be?

I just want to cry.

I’m not one to complain.  I make every effort to understand and move forward.

I just want to be appreciated.

Physio John suggests another 12 sessions.  I’ve made progress but my back is still mucked up.  I concur.

I close my eyes, feeling weary.  Just breathe.

Parts of me are now missing and other parts are not quite working right. Other parts may never work completely as they once did.

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But I’m alive.

I know there’s no guarantees and that I only have this moment.

Please, see my value and see my worth.  That is all I ask.

Just breathe.

 

Imagine….


 

I rose early this morning.  It is not quite 10:30 AM and I have all my domestic duties done.  It has at times been a struggle.  I am now 16 weeks into the whole ‘no hot water’ debacle here at home.  The challenge of bathing and cleaning and adopting the guise of water bearer, and one with a bad back at that, has been tough.  Home hasn’t felt quite so homey.  The end is now in sight.  June 12th, 2015 marks the completion date for the re-piping of the building.

My anger peaked around six weeks ago.  You may recall the rant I offered up on this forum which was a little on the melodramatic side. 🙂

The biggest issue has been the lack of communication.  All we;ve seen are posts of when they’ll need access to certain suites wallpapered on doors as the walls and ceilings in the hallways are now exposed.

Just one progress report was forthcoming after my rant.  Why they can’t take the time to write and post a short paragraph weekly and upload it to our building’s website or to our property manager is beyond me.

Had they done this I don’t believe the tempers would have flared the way they have.

So I am still working on a rather intense post regarding time.   I’ve also joined Toastmasters and will be reading my first speech on this coming Tuesday.  I’m working on distribution for the book still, working me arse off and will be entering physical rehab with a kinesiolgist.  Hopefully this will be the final hurdle to help me regain the level health I enjoyed two years ago.

peace 3

I just want to feel good.

I’ve given myself the challenge of writing a poem everyday for the next thirty days.  Just thought it might be a fun thing to do.  If at day fifteen I’ve become a mad woman, obsessed and manic…

No, wait a moment…I already am.

I’m being silly.  I have been out taking a few photos so I thought I would share those with you on this beautiful Sunday morning.

Enjoy!

This first series was taken a week ago down at False Creek South in the Science World and Athletes Village portion.  Major construction has been underway in this area over the last five years converting this former industrial wasteland into a vibrant community.

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Talk about a beautiful evening sky.  Downtown Vancouver and BC Place can be seen silhouetted below

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BC Place now has a remarkable retractable roof though it often reminds me of a spaceship and the iconic Woodwards ‘W’ once a beacon in Vancouver.

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Science World at dusk

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Science World as the sun sets

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Spacey looking walkways and giant birds!

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Canada Geese goslings.  Too cute!  The Vancouver Salt Building is now home to CRAFT a gastro pub.  False Creek has been home to many breweries over the years.  There is now an explosion of micro-breweries in this area.  From Molson’s, Granville Island Brewery, Steel Toad, Red Truck, Craft and the Flying Pig just to name a few.

And yes, we make damn good beer!

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Looking westward along False Creek South.  Downtown Vancouver rises in the background.

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Lighting features that compliment some to the buildings’ cosmetic makeup in the area.  Geese having a early evening bath.

I am in desperate need of decent tripod.  I had purchased what I thought was a pretty good one and it turned out to be sadly lacking.  This was a photo walk with my group titled ‘Dusk to Dark’.

Unfortunately, once night fell, without the benefit of a tripod I could not continue on.  Next time I’ll have a good one.

The next series found me going for a stroll along the river very close to my home.  Spring is in full swing as is evidenced by the florals and bees are busy as are ants!

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I just happened to be admiring the sky when this eagle happened to slip into my viewfinder.  And here a bee bumbling about.

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The Fraser River is really low at the moment.  We didn’t have much of a winter at all and while we’ve had some rain, we need more.

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Capturing images of ants and water droplets.

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Beautiful flowers that line the river’s boardwalk.

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The colours are exquisite this year!

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Baby ducklings swim where the coy fish usually are.  The fish weren’t poking about the surface but this little guy and lily pads were.

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The mighty muddy Fraser River.

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This is taken from the Quayside overpass looking east along Columbia Street which is the downtown core of New Westminster.

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They’ve covered this power utility box with historical images of the police force.  The center image is the Hyack Square which now is home to the ‘Wait For Me Daddy’ monument.

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Some images of the Anvil’s Centre’s angles.  Beautiful building.

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And this is at one end of the boardwalk on the Quay.  Now Downtown New West is indeed a short walk from here.  Metrotown, however, is a shopping mall in Burnaby!  It is NOT on the river at all and well it would be an incredibly long walk.  Not too sure why this sign was put up.

Below is a map.  It would take approximately two hours to walk their and the distance is 7 1/2 km.  A lot of hills on this walk as well.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this photo montage.  Have a great day.

https://ca.maps.yahoo.com/e/?lat=49.21417710832532&lon=-122.9610013961792&bb=49.23940103%2C-123.0264473%2C49.18894031%2C-122.8955555&o=1305%20Quayside%20Dr%2C%20New%20Westminster%2C%20BC%20V3M&d=4664%20Kingsway%2C%20Burnaby%2C%20BC%20V5H%204L9&mode=6

 

Life


 

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She sits in the Rose Garden at Queen’s Park…a vision of peace and solitude

Just breathe.  Think of all the good things that are to come.

Just breathe.  Know that the current series of events being experienced are temporary.

I’ve not written a blog post in a couple of weeks now.  In the 3 1/2 years since beginning in this forum, this is the longest I’ve gone without expressing what’s been in my head.  I’ve been writing though.  Make no mistake.

I’ve even written a few posts that upon review were abandoned.

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A gift from a friend

Just breathe.   The pain will pass.

It has been four weeks now since I’ve had hot water in my home.  Tonight hot water was restored to my bathroom sink only.  All of this has thrown me into a quagmire of sorts.  Still, I adjusted my schedule and just made do.

And the posts I found myself tossing onto the page were more rants than anything else.  There was at times a rather petulant attitude dripping from the words that I felt didn’t serve the purpose of this blog at all.

I’ll muscle through.  I always do.

heart

I need to bring my focus back to marketing the book and returning to good health.  Much more advantageous to focus on these avenues.

Last weekend I took my daughter to see the Fleetwood Mac concert at Rogers Arena here in Vancouver.  It was truly a spectacular show.  Stevie and Lindsay shared a few memories with us.  Mick was crazy on the drums and Christine was back in the fold!

This band now ranges in age from 65 to 71 years of age.  And they played without an intermission for over 2 1/2 hours.  We were beside the stage in the 10th row.  Fabulous seats!

Aging really is all in your head.  Keep moving  and doing the things you love and are passionate about and you’ll barley notice when the skin begins to sag a bit.

I’m working through the pain of the car accident.  It’ll be tough…but I’ll get there.

I went out for a walk on Easter Sunday and grabbed my camera.  I’ve not done this in a good long while.  An eagle soared above me and the trees look lovely in their spring green foliage.

These darker emotions that I’ve been experiencing I’ve channeled into the beginnings of a murder mystery.  I penned the first few chapters last weekend.  I think I’ve covered all the genres now.

In any case, here are few photos from last Sunday.  Enjoy!

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Queen’s Park on Easter Sunday…the cherry blossoms are bloomin’ and everything just seems to be set to rights.

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Simple and enduring beauty everywhere.

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Namaste!